Showing posts with label pregnancy complication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy complication. Show all posts

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Looking Pregnant, But Not


#InvisibleFight #MyInvisibleFight #IIWK #IIWK15 http://invisibleillnessweek.com/ What #Infertility can look like!#IF 

I faced "female problems" from my early teen years. Thirty years later, this picture was taken last week, a few days before my final hysterectomy, which will hopefully lay the consequences of a diseased reproductive system to rest once and for all!

You see, this was actually my second hysterectomy, going back to take my cervix, remaining ovary, and once again (as has been surgically required so many times over the past 20 years) clean out the mess and pain created by Endometriosis. I am 43 years old and dramatically entered menopause in full force last week.

There had been absolutely NO CHANCE of that belly hosting the life of a baby for nearly seven years since I had surgically said farewell to the body of my uterus and first ovary, yet to look at me, all bloated and inflamed, it would have been a common presumption to think I was well-along into pregnancy!

This got me thinking and reflecting on our decade of active infertility. My tummy HAS looked like this before, sometimes, at least six in fact, from the hard-fought blessing of carrying a child within! For all those stretch marks, I am rewarded far beyond anything I had ever dared hope during our infertility years, with three living children in my home today, ages 15, 12 and 9. I do not take them for granted. I so wish I could have worn a t-shirt (or neon sign on my forehead) that read something like, "Don't hate me infertile friend. This baby has been 7 years in the making!" Just because I was finally pregnant, the feelings of infertility were not magically erased! I readily still related much more with the infertile word than the fertile one!

Our living miracles' known siblings who never got to come home would be 20, a likely twin of the 15-year-old, 14, and 13. I am ever so blessed that my womb was their entire earthly home, yet they are still missed! Pregnant tummy mis-speaking about the state of my fertility once again, in each of their cases.

More strangely, my tummy has looked like this before because of the very reality of not being able to conceive! Illness and swelling such as I just pictured , from Endometriosis or other reproductive illness, but also sometimes from PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), in response to fertility drugs, and/or due ovarian hyper-stimulation! What insult, added to injury, to "look pregnant" simply because of whatever condition(s) is causing sub fertility in the first place!

So next time you see a "pregnant" woman, don't presume! Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. Either way, there may be much more to her story than meets the eye. And to the lady I naively asked how far along you were, 20-some years ago, before I knew better, I'm still so very sorry for the tears I brought to your eyes that day. Please forgive me! - Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake (on Facebook)

Picture and article also posted at http://infertilitymom.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-tummy.html - please share!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Finding Answers

The woman at the well sought happiness in the arms of men.
Jesus provides peace that could be found in none other than Himself.

I sought joy in the new life of a baby.
Jesus offers New Life in Himself.

I wanted to know the feeling of carrying another soul inside my body.
He provides the Holy Spirit to indwell me...

Won't you please join me today over at Held to read the rest?

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Is This God's Punishment?

I think it's a question we are all prone to ask when pain stretches out and relief remains far from sight. Thank you Traci, for your beautiful take on this question as your tacked another myth of infertility!



Maybe God doesn’t want you to have kids. Maybe the babies you’ve lost had something “wrong” with them {they didn’t} and that’s why God took them. Maybe God is trying to teach you something. Maybe there is sin in your life that needs to be resolved before you’ll get pregnant. Maybe you’re not good enough to be parents... Actually, I don’t recall anyone ever saying those particular words, but I think all of the above makes you feel like you’re hearing that last one...

If you have heard any accusations like these, you will be blessed by Traci's refutes of these lies!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Hold On!

Held, the new blogging community of Hannah's Prayer Ministries is officially launching today. If you are facing infertility, pregnancy loss, infant death, adoption challenges, or are longing to support anyone in any of these circumstances, Held is written with you in mind. Please come subscribe to posts, follow us on Facebook or Twitter, submit your story, or simply read and be blessed.

Hannah'sPrayerBlog


What kind of articles would you like to see posted to a blog like this? What's your story? To what experiences and emotions can you best relate? Please share your hopes for Held and give us feedback so we can work toward making this place a blessing for you!

Monday, April 04, 2011

Pregnancy After Loss

I became pregnant with our oldest son after nearly seven years of infertility. Having already lost eight children to miscarriage or adoption losses, I knew all too well that pregnancy doesn't always mean a bring-home baby. I found myself in a moment-by-moment battle with fear. To combat these overwhelming emotions...
To read more, please visit my post, God’s Transcendent Peace, over at Glory and Strength. It will only be live for the month of April. (If you are sensitive to the mention of children, please note that our second living son is briefly mentioned in the opening of this article.)

Monday, October 11, 2010

Mommies w/ Hope

Mommies With Hope is hosting a give-away this week! Be encouraged by one Mom's story of love and loss, then enter to win Becky Avella's book, And Then You Were Gone: Restoring a Broken Heart After Pregnancy Loss, a Starbucks gift card or a HOPE magnet.

"And our hope for your is firm, because we know just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:7

Monday, June 21, 2010

True of False?

I've seen many "facts" about myself reported in others' reviews of Hannah's Hope. How well do you know me? Can you pick out the facts from the fiction? (Scroll down for answers.)

1. True or False: I am a pastor's wife.

2. True or False: We have lost a child to stillbirth.

3. True or False: I am dyslexic.

4. True or False: I have a degree in Christian counseling.

5. True or False: I grew up in Japan

6. True or False: We have two living children after our infertility journey.

7. True or False: I have been through in vitro fertilization (IVF).

8. True or False: I was homeschooled.

Scroll below to find the answers. If there are other things you think you have heard but just aren't sure about, or you are simply curious to know something about me, please ask! Here is something no one has written about me, but just as a fun "bonus" quiz question for one more chance to see how well you know me:

9. True of False: My favorite food is pizza





Answers:

1. False
I am not a pastor's wife. The truth is that I am the wife of an amazing man who loves the Lord as he serves Him as an internet and social media expert. Rick's loving faithfulness through nearly 18 years of "for better and for worse" humbles and blesses me beyond words.



2.False
I have never known the anguish of stillbirth or infant death and would never pretend to exactly understand such anguish on a personal level. To my many friends who have survived such horror, you have my deepest respect, sympathies and prayers, always!

By stating that I don't have firsthand experience with stillbirth or infant death, I am in no way trying to minimize the heartache of parents who become bereaved through other forms of loss. There is no "too early" to matter, no "young enough" to invalidate the substantial heartache of a parent who has faced the death of their child, the rewriting of their futures, in any manner.

In truth we know that we have at least three children awaiting us in Heaven: Noel (1994), Joel (2001) and Hannah (2001) all died through miscarriage. I say "at least" because there were several other suspected early miscarriages including the probable twin of our oldest living son, though these additional losses were never positively confirmed.

We have also known intense grief through the losses of seven children we had hoped to add to our family through adoption. Each kind of loss is horrid grief in its own right.

To anyone who has know the heart-shattering pain of the death of your child (sometimes emotional "death" when referencing adoption loss), I want to wrap you in a huge {{{hug}}} and remind you that your sweet child matters and is not forgotten.



3. This one is True!
Words were my enemy for years. While I still can't spell worth a hoot, isn't God's sense of humor great that He would choose writing as my passion? :D As my brother once told me, I'm not a poor speller, I just like to "round to the nearest vowel". :)



4. False
I am a college drop out. :)



5. True
I am an MK (missionary kid) and moved at least every two years through my growing up years, spending a total of seven years in three parts of Japan. My parents continue to minister with Cadence International (formerly Overseas Christian Servicemen's Centers or O.C.S.C.).

If you know someone in the military, please check out http://www.Cadence.org/ for support and resources!



6. False, but this one was a trick question. ;)

At the time Hannah's Hope was written, yes, we had two living miracles. We had a two year old son (he's now 10) at the time I started working on my book proposal for Hannah's Hope.

We learned we were expecting our daughter (she is nearing 7 1/2) a few days after submitting that proposal to the first publisher... See More I queried. I honestly was not too overjoyed about that pregnancy after two very recent miscarriages and the fear that we would loose her as well and I almost gave up on the book project all together because I was afraid that if God did allow us to bring her home, that as a mother of two living blessings that I was now "disqualified" from writing a book on infertility. I'm so glad God had bigger plans than my limited viewpoint!

The month Hannah's Hope finally hit bookstore shelves, we found out God was surprising us with our 3rd living blessing! It was a high-risk pregnancy with lots of preterm labor scares, he was a month early and my cervix tried to rupture during delivery, but God was abundantly gracious to bring both of us through that pregnancy to live birth. Our younger son is now nearly 4 1/2.

I had a medically-necessary hysterectomy about a year and a half ago, so though we had always dreamed of "at least 4," we know there will be no more biological children added to our family. Due to my health limitations is is highly unlikely that we would ever be approved for adoption, so unless God has an amazing miracle planned out for our future, our family is now complete.



7. False
While we did a lot of talking, played countless scenarios in our minds, prayed through many of the "what if" possibilities of IVF and made some specific choices about the parameters we felt God would have us work within should be ever do an IVF cycle, God never actually took us down this path.

I underwent several surgeries and other procedures, took many fertility-related drugs, and our oldest son is the result of IUI with injectables. In my chapter on making decisions (10 I think?) I shared a lot about the parameters we would use if we were to go through IVF. It was certainly an option in our minds, and not one we took lightly, but it was never a path God led us down. I'm not a stranger to the process, even helping a friend or two with her injections and going to appointments and ovarian ultrasounds with a few gals, but IUIs w/ injections was as far as my own journey went.

Our daughter was conceived shortly after an extensive surgery for Endometriosis (where I was told I had less than 5% chance of ever conceiving again even with medical aid, and that if I could conceive I would certainly not carry another baby to live birth) but with no other medical aid beyond progesterone support and blood-sugar regulating medication.

Our youngest son was God's evidence to us that He truly is the author of life and planner of our family. He was conceived during the first season of our entire marriage where were were not actively striving to grow our family. What a joyful surprise!!!



8. True
I am a homeschool graduate and am now blessed to be a homeschooling mom to our living miracles.



9. False
Pizza is actually one of my least favorite foods, mostly because it (at least the traditionally red sauce kind) has always made me sick. In recent years I have learned to enjoy most white sauce pizzas, but if we are eating with friends and red sauce is the only option, I don't eat.

My favorite foods are tomatoes (I know, weird since I don't do well with red sauce on pizza!), mushrooms (though I have to be careful with many kinds due to allergies), just about any kind of fresh fruit and the greater majority of veggies, or well-made sushi!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Heaven Born

Today I've been blessed to hear of three different give-aways for moms of HeavenBorn babies. Most are time sensitive, so please go, visit, share with hurting hearts...

Give Away for I Will Carry You: the Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy (1 copy randomly given away to one comment on the Holy Experience blog today, comment by 9EST)

If you don't win that copy, anyone who is willing to register for a Barnes & Noble account can receive a free digital copy of I Will Carry You here. (I did not see an expiration date, but I would expect this to be a limited time offer.)


Forever My Child $50 gift certificate give-away
from We are THAT Family ends Thursday. FMC offers:
~Memorial Jewelry for Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Pregnancy and Infant Loss to honor the tiny souls that touch and change your life, but gone too soon.
~Pregnancy and Fertility Jewelry with genuine gemstones and symbolic charms.
~Hand Stamped and professionally engraved unique Mother’s Jewelry, Family Jewelry, and Men’s pieces to honor ALL your children, both on earth and in Heaven.

May I once again ask for votes for the Health Hero award? We are currently in first place, but the abortion advocate who is in second is rallying voters too and is quickly closing in on retaking the lead. I humbly thank you for standing with me for the life of unborn babies with your vote. Voting closes this Friday and it looks like it will be a close race all the way.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Hope in Negative Prenatal Diagnosis

Angie Smith, wife of Christian singer Todd Smith (Shela) has a beautiful blog called Bring the Rain about the negative prenatal diagnosis, birth and death of one of their daughters, Audrey Caroline. (As a note of caution to sensitive hearts, living children are both pictured/referenced on the blog and Angie is currently pregnant).

Last week Angie release a new book called I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy. While I haven't had a chance to read it for myself, it already has 15 5-star reviews on Amazon! Since her blog is so well-written and God-honoring, I can't imagine that this book would be anything less than a beautiful source of honesty, challenge and loving encouragement to families facing negative prenatal diagnosis and/or infant death.


One reviewer lost a 15-year old daughter and said I Will Carry You is appropriate for any grieving parent. Praying this book will be a blessing to you as well. Please post and share in the comments if you have a chance to read it yourself.