Sunday, March 23, 2008

Easter Reflections of a Grieving Mom

A lady I have had the joy of just starting to get to know through Hannah's Prayer posted a touching message on our message boards this week. Heather and her husband have been striving to grow their family since 2000 and lost their only children (IVF twins) to miscarriage this past December. I've been praying about what I could share with hurting hurts this Easter, and Heather has graciously allowed me to share her Good Friday post with you today:

Hi ladies,

Today is Good Friday and my husband and I have just been wandering around running errands. We are both feeling unsettled... partly because of the weather's a dreary day.

I find for myself a part of it is that here I am buying chocolate easter eggs for my nephew, and my niece's first easter teddy bear. I just felt so empty. It makes the aching of missing our babies so strong. I think of how far along I would have been today...and that I would have been one of the proud pregnant women walking around the mall.

I am finding that I'm hiding my feelings more and more. I'm trying so hard to allow myself to heal, but to still allow myself my moments of tears. I know that will go on for a long time. I don't know what it is this week...but I've seen TWO sets of identical twins...and I found myself just staring at them wondering what our identical twins would have looked like. I've just never seen two sets of I.T's, let alone within the span of one week! And everywhere I look there are adverts "Baby Days On Now", "Big Baby Event" everywhere I turn I'm slapped in the face.
I try to just keep my head high and think of where our babies are. I know that they are wrapped in God's loving arms. One day I will know why our babies had to leave us so soon. One day we will hold them ALL in our arms!

Anyhow, I just wanted to share a couple of verses that have become very important to me since losing our twins. It was difficult to get back in to God's word, but I'm feeling refreshed once again by His voice.

Romans 8:24-28
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. But if we hope for what we do not have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Psalms 50:15
"I want you to trust me in your times of trouble, so I can rescue you, and you can give me glory."

I just wanted to share these verses with all of you, and hope that these words touch you as much as they are helping to guide me through each day.

I feel so happy to have found this site, to have a place where I can express my sadness, but also have the opportunity to share some encouragement too!

Hugs and Prayers,

If you would like to contact Heather directly, her email address is heather_johnson AT shaw DOT ca (remove spaces and replace AT and DOT with @ and .)

On past Easter's I've just had to keep going back to the heartache of the Father as He watched His only biological Son die to pay the price for my eternal adoption. I pray for each and every griving mom-at-heart who is also struggling to get through this weekend.