Infertility Is...

Kristi Bother, of This Side of Heaven and Naomi's Circle, posted a fantastic article on Infertility: What It Really Is for a motherhood blog this week. Here are my memories her list stirred:

Infertility is hormones so far out of whack that your ovulation predictor test (measuring the surge in hormones that should only happen to bring about ovulation, but when chronically elevated actually prevents ovulation at all) tells you that you are “ovulating” when you are just starting your period and know it to be a medical impossibility.

Infertility is extra pounds that will not be shed, deep painful acne and intense sugar cravings.

Infertility is squirming under the teasing of friends who ask, “You guys know how this is supposed to work, right?”

Infertility is going to someone’s baby shower on Day 2 of another negative cycle and making a blubbering fool of yourself.

Infertility is taking your cat to the vet to get “fixed” the same week you are taking fertility shots to try to get your own ovaries to actually work!

Infertility is driving to the lab with your husband’s sperm sample tucked safely into your bra (gotta keep it body temperature you know) and praying you don’t get in a car accident where you will have to explain the contents to an EMT.

Infertility is being the only woman in your row who doesn’t stand for a flower at church on Mother’s Day, then having a “pity flower” gently placed in your lap during prayer because the usher saw your tears.

Infertility is attending a loved ones funeral and realizing you will never get to tell this person if you ever are blessed to have a child joining your family.

Infertility is grieving another wedding anniversary, not because it marks years of marriage, but because it is a firm reminder of how long you have been trying to conceive and/or adopt.

Infertility is celebrating months of severe morning sickness because you never thought you would get the chance!

Infertility is being 7 months pregnant and feeling like you don’t belong at your own baby shower because this world has been so foreign to you for so long.

Infertility is answering your two-year-old’s questions and confusion when he tells you he wants a baby sister and you tell him you want that too, but know it took years to have him.

Infertility is trying to help your toddler grasp that their baby who was in your tummy just yesterday now lives in Heaven and will not be coming home to us.

Infertility is when your preschooler would rather watch the adoption agency welcome video for the millionth time rather than a new episode of Blue’s Clues or Thomas the Tank.

Infertility is hearing people tell you how perfectly you “planned” and spaced your children over a six-year-window and rolling your eyes inside because you know that the three living miracles they see are totally God’s doing and not your plan at all, part of 13 sibling (biological and adoption attempts) who touched your lives over more than a decade.

Infertility is realizing that now you are the “mother with the most children” but still don’t qualify to claim the title in this Mother’s Day contest because the number in your home doesn’t match the number carried in your heart.

Infertility is getting to claim some kind of title in the contest but not wanting to take the prize because you know the whole affair is hurting someone else’s heart and there is no chance to tell your story and let her know how you got here.

Infertility is learning that I am not God.

When You Hate Hope

Such a good article: When You Hate Hope

http://herviewfromhome.com/when-you-hate-hope/

Adoption & Pregnancy

Another great "Bust a Myth" post this week is Adopt and You Probably Still Won't Get Pregnant

Only 5-10% of parents who adopt due to infertility go on to conceive and bear children...

If we had conceived when we desperately wanted to, we would not have BB as our son. If we had conceived when we desperately tried to, BB would not have us as his parents. God knew the plans He had for us and for our firstborn son.

God also planned for LB, born one year and four days after our first, to be his little brother. He needed our DNA to make LB. He needed another man and woman's DNA to make BB. BB was not means to an end to get LB - they were both meant for us.

Hold On!

Held, the new blogging community of Hannah's Prayer Ministries is officially launching today. If you are facing infertility, pregnancy loss, infant death, adoption challenges, or are longing to support anyone in any of these circumstances, Held is written with you in mind. Please come subscribe to posts, follow us on Facebook or Twitter, submit your story, or simply read and be blessed.



What kind of articles would you like to see posted to a blog like this? What's your story? To what experiences and emotions can you best relate? Please share your hopes for Held and give us feedback so we can work toward making this place a blessing for you!

New Blogging Community

We've all heard it from childhood. The expectation of most marriages is family growth through joyful pregnancy and birth. But what happens when those dreams don't unfold as we imagined? Often we are left feeling as though we’re in a headlong free-fall away from the protective hand of God. And not only that, sometimes it seems no one else cares or understands either.



Hannah's Prayer leadership has been praying for over a year about how to expand our ministry outreach not only to women facing fertility challenges, but also to offer tools for our friends, families, churches and loved ones who long to support us but might not be sure how. We are excited to tell you that on April 25, the day after Easter, we will be launching our newest ministry outreach, Held the blogging arm of Hannah's Prayer Ministries.

While we won't be officially "open" for 10 days yet, we would love to give you a sneak peek at what we are cooking up. You can read more about the vision of Held along with information about how you can be part of the excitement.

If you have a website, blog, Facebook page or any other way of helping us spread the word, please feel free to grab the Held button and share it around. We've got some great posts already lined up and would love to have some lots of friends ready to visit when we launch on the 25th.

Grab the code!

<a href="http://hannahsprayerblog.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Hannah'sPrayerBlog" src="http://i516.photobucket.com/albums/u321/rusrach/HeldButton2002.png"/></a>

We are beyond excited to see what God's got planned for this blog, and we hope the excitement will be contagious! Please come and join us in this unfolding journey!

P.S. There's a related Facebook page as well: http://www.facebook.com/HeldBlog

Retreats!!!

Did you ever wish you could sit down, face-to-face, with someone who really understands this burden? Do you know anyone in real life who has walked this painful journey ahead of you? What if you could draw away to a quiet place, as Jesus Himself did often, and reconnect with God? What if you could make new, understanding, caring friends at the same time?

Well, here are two chances to do just that! First, Hannah's Prayer Ministries is excited to introduce Holley Gerth as the keynote speaker at our upcoming infertility and pregnancy/infant loss support retreat, June 24-26, 2011 in Costa Mesa, California.

Follow this button for more details (and grab the code from my sidebar to add the button to your own page too).



Or maybe you can't wait until June to connect with others? How about joining the "First-Ever Kansas City Infertility Awareness Conference" to recognize National Infertility Awareness Week (April 24 – 30, 2011). This even has been launched by an infertility and pregnancy loss support group called "Sisters of Hannah" (not directly associated with Hannah's Prayer Ministries). The conference event will on Saturday, April 30, 2011, at North Kansas City Hospital from 9:00 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. The event is FREE, however, as seating is limited, registration is required. For more information regarding this event, please email kcinfertilityawareness@hotmail.com.

Adoption Loss: Through the Looking Glass

I've lived Robert and Heather's story, at least their first chapters of loss, repeatedly. (God had different closing chapters for our story, but that's a topic for another day.) What I love about Through Pain and Grace Toward Redemption is a perspective from the other side of the story. Thank you Gordon Atkinson for sharing Shelby's loving and courageous journey. I've lived a lot. I've read a lot. Little shocks me anymore, but the power of these words moved me to tears as God's grace once again crashed over my heart.

Free Adoption Audio Book

Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches is available as a FREE audio download today at http://christianaudio.com/adopted-for-life-russell-moore
I gave the link a try and was able to download my copy without even having to provide a credit card or other billing information.
I have not read this book for myself, but have read pretty good reviews and figure the price is right today! (I believe one reader told me that author Russell Moore takes a pretty strong stance against reproductive medicine, but as I've said, I haven't read it for myself.) Have you read Adopted for Life? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Win Gotcha Day Cards!

(In)Courage has shared a beautiful story of Adoption Adventure today. Leave a comment over there and you could win a package of "Gotcha Day" cards to share with friends building their families through adoption. :)

National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month! Download your free copy of the 2010 National Adoption Month Calendar: 30 Ways to Celebrate Adoption at http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/printable/2010calendar.html or view directly online at http://www.adoption.com/national-adoption-awareness-month-2010/.

adoption loss through death

Many of us within adoption circles, especially within the Christian adoption world, know of Steve and Mary Beth Chapman, their work in helping to fund adoptions though their organization Show Hope, and of the tragic death of their 3rd adopted daughter, Maria, at age 5. Mary Beth's new book, Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope is currently being offered at 1/2 price through Monday, Aug. 23, at CBD.

Embryo Adoption

When we started our infertility journey, "embryo adoption" was not even a concept explored by the medical or ethical communities yet. I still remember the phone call from a friend asking if we would consider adopting the sweet children they could not carry, created through IVF. Shortly after that phone call we watched Snowflakes develop, then Focus on the Family start talking about the plight of "unused" and sadly even sometimes "unwanted" extra embryos created through the IVF process. Eventually more and more agencies and organizations provided structured resources for those desiring to adopt frozen embryos.

One area that has been sadly lacking all these years is support for the genetic families who make the brave choice for life and offer the gift of hope to longing families through the loving (and often grievously painful) choice of relinquishment. I've known several families on both side of the embryo adoption equation and for the most part, placing families have quietly kept their emotional journeys to themselves as the spotlight has fallen on adopting families. How my heart has ached for families living this choice and yet I have had so few resources to suggest.

Today I am thrilled to introduce you to Placing Parents, a blog designed by a Placing Parent named Sheila, designed specifically to offer support to parents considering placing their embryos for adoption/donation. If you are already through your IVF journey and feeling the burden of love and responsibility for remaining embryos whom you cannot go back for another pregnancy attempt, you are no longer alone in the questions and highs and lows of considering an adoptive family for your unborn offspring.

Fears of Infertility

After so many years of "IF" (infertility), my heart will never be far from the journey nor from those still walking this heartache. Recently a member of the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums posted her thoughts and fears in the early steps of realizing she was no longer just trying to conceive, but now living the realities of infertility. I will not comment further, but rather let her post speak for itself...

Since introducing myself and lurking around here a while, I've finally come to the point that I can identify what I'm feeling, and right now it's fear. I KNOW that we are to be anxious about nothing, but all of this seems so new and terrible to me that I don't really know how not to be afraid of it without ignoring what I'm fearful of, and I know that's not the answer either. I'm hoping some of you wise women will have some wisdom to share, although to be honest I'm hoping I'll magically end up with a BFP ["Big Fat Positive" pregnancy test] this month and not have to worry about it anymore. But here goes.

I'm afraid I'll be "sick." - I've always been healthy and I'm afraid of finding out that I'm really afflicted with something and spend the rest of my life seeing doctors, trying different meds, and having surgeries. I'm a nurse- I've seen this life, I've never wanted it. I'm afraid that this not-conceiving thing is just a symptom of whatever is medically wrong with me.

I'm afraid of losing my ability to love children. - All my life all I've done is work with kids. In church, at my job, in social gatherings. I gravitate towards them naturally. I'm afraid of not being able to enjoy them any more, and of losing that part of my identity, the one that's "good with kids."

I'm afraid of financial strain. - I know that we'd like to adopt, but I'd also like to start that process as soon as possible instead of using all of our resources on fertility treatments first and then having nothing left over to adopt with. This isn't really high on my list of fears, but I find myself researching adoption options already when we haven't even been to see the doctor yet. DH won't even discuss a "what if" until we've tried for "a while longer" (how long is 'a while' again?)

I'm afraid of depression. - Self-explanatory. Both my parents struggled with depression, and the pain is so overwhelming sometimes that I wonder if I'm not slipping towards it too. I really don't think so right now, but can I take years of this?

I'm afraid of being outcast. - Having to explain my status to every new person I meet. Right now it's not too hard, we've "only" been married for 2 years, after all, and I look several years younger than I am. But this can't last much longer. I'm a pretty private person (read: pronounced introvert), and I hate being known by my 'status.' It can be hard enough for me to make friends sometimes anyway. I don't want a stigma over my head too.

I'm afraid of no babies. - Obviously! But really, I always wanted 6 kids at least. Can I really handle none?

I'm afraid of a spiritual reason for IF. - Sometimes, I know God doesn't allow "good things" because of something else we'll deal with in our lives. What if I can't have kids because I'm going to die of cancer next year and God didn't want to leave my husband alone and with an orphan? I know that's far fetched, but maybe you'll understand. If I can't have kids because of something coming that would be terrible for children, I don't know if I want to go through that either.

*sigh.* That might be it. We have an appointment with my gyn soon. Hopefully we can get most of my blood work paid for by using the "irregular cycles" and "painful menstruation" card since IF labs aren't covered. Anybody know how much a SA runs?

But, to be positive too:

I'm grateful for my DH [Dear Husband] - He is kind, understanding, and (almost) totally on the same page as I am. He holds me when I'm sad and tells me we're just going to take it 1 step at a time. And he's not scared of "putting sperm in a cup" as he calls it!

I'm grateful that I've been through pain in the past - Because I have some idea how to handle rough emotions. Not the same, but helpful nonetheless

I'm grateful that we had 1 year of of marriage footloose and fancy-free before baby-making started to hang over our heads. I'd hate to have started my marriage with months of disappointment.

I'm grateful, of course, for God's grace - And try to remember to pray for the sons he wants to bring into His kingdom when I feel the pain of not having any in my life yet. I'm grateful His heart for the world hurts just as much (more, actually) than mine at the thought of the children He wants for himself. Our God knows the spirit of ALL our infirmities, and I am so grateful to know that.

Thanks ladies, for listening, and for any strength you might be able to add to my journey. It helps a lot to know that I am not alone in this battle, and to be reminded that my worth isn't based on the outcome of a child.

Kristina, thank you for your courage to put into words what so many of us have to process in our hearts and for graciously letting me share these fears with my readers.

Join me for Virtual Spa Weekend!

This weekend about 40 beautiful ladies from Hannah's Prayer are gathered in Ohio for a retreat that will bless and encourage them in the midst of their infertility and/or loss journies. But since only these few ladies could gather, I wanted to provide an alternative for everyone else. Thus was born Virtual Spa Weekend on my InnerBeautyGirlz blog. So come on over and join the fun for a weekend of beauty tips, video clips to make you laugh and cry, and a ton of great give-aways including chocolate, books, jewelry and beauty supplies.

If you don't get to read this post until sometime after May 3, it will still be worth your while to come check out the Virtual Spa threads! Even after the contests are closed, the other encouraging posts will still remain. :) So let's kick off our Weekend with this YouTube message I recorded from my bathroom just last week. This video was created specifically for the ladies of Hannah's Prayer Ministries who are gathered in Ohio, but I pray the message of the video will give you a reason to smile, maybe even make you laugh as you see me with no makeup, unbrushed hair and sitting on the side of my tub in a bathrobe, or be an encouragement to you in whatever season of life you find yourself tonight.

National Adoption Awareness Day

As this post publishes, I am heading out the door to the hospital for my hysterectomy. But the news is too exciting not to share! The month of November is National Adoption Awareness Month with today (Nov. 15) specifically being National Adoption Day where courts across the country will finalise thousands of adoptions! Praying for, and rejoicing with, all the new forever families who are legally created today!!!

See NationalAdoptionDay.org for more information and visit The Adoptive Families Magazine calendar for a great list of suggestions on how to mark each day of this special month.