Monday, March 26, 2007

explaining my infertility to those who don't know

I've been very vocal about our infertility journey since just a few months into the process. Probably pushing my poor husband and dad way out of their comfort zones on more than one occasion.
Though our active journey through infertility is over, it is still very much a part of who I have become. As I meet new people it doesn't take me long before I share my story. I still cringe when I enter a new group of people and there is nothing but parenthood talk. Who's silently hurting, I wonder???
So after a recent work-from-home chat group I attended where one of the opening questions was, "So who here has kids?" followed by many enthusiastic parents telling all about their little ones, I posted this little story on a work-at-home board in hopes of giving a glimmer of hope to anyone who might not have been able to join that conversation (warning, living children mentioned):

To look at me now you would never guess the journey that brough us here. I have a 7-year-old, a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old.

But what you don't see when you see me at the park is the nearly 12-year-old daughter who should be with us. Nor the 5 1/2-year-old son. Nor the soon-to-be 5-year-old daughter.

You also don't see our 7 "almost" children ranging in age from 8 to 18 - the ones we invested our hearts and hopes and prayers in, but never got to bring home for a variety of reasons.

You don't see 10 years of tears and anguish and prayers and endless doctor's visits, and coutless negative pregnancy tests, and gallons (at least it seemed that way) of blood work, and pills, and surgeries, and needles, and scheduled marital relations...

For what you do see I am forever thankful, more than words can say. For what you don't see I am forever changed. If there is more to your life than meets the eye, please know that my heart goes out to you today. If I can be of any help, please let me know. And feel free to stop by my support website at where I post ongoing blog updates to encourage you in this journey.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your heart.
We also had seven years of waiting before our first child was born and I will never forget the feelings of frustration when all our friends were expecting and we were still waiting!!
I also had the question, "What's wrong with US as prospective parents?" So many WHYS and not enough answers!
Between my second and third living child, I had one that left us to go to heaven at 12 weeks. I still think of her whenever I hear of anyone else losing a child.
My husband is a pastor and our experiences have made us more sensitive to others who are going through difficulty in this area.
Your book, Hannah's Hope was very enlightening and I bought it to share with my married daughter who is going through her own battles with trying to have a baby. She and her husband are also going the adoption route in addition to the fertility doctor.
Thank you again for stepping out and sharing your story.