October 15

Kinship With Tragedy

Thinking of recent tragedies, I can't help but wonder if there were any long-awaited, after-infertility children involved? Or children of parents who are already trying to live again after the loss of at least one child during pregnancy or infancy? Praying for all hurting hearts!
 
God, you know we question how you could allow such a thing, especially when longing for the very thing that was so brutally ripped from the arms of hurting parents today? We pray your comfort, peace, and ultimate glory through these tragic events! We trust that you have a good plan and can use even this evil to work good from what seems so senseless to our way of thinking! We feel kinship in loss and grief and longing. Please bring your hope out of this hopelessness! 

Thoughts from Max Lucado are linked here.

When God Says, "No"

Read one mother's reflections on the death of premature twins, here.

Write Their Names

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I know this date is bittersweet for some of my friends in an unexpected way, a date they wish they could "celebrate" for it would mean they were Mommies, even if only to heaven-born babies. To other friends, October 15 holds mixed emotions, thankfulness that we can recognize the existence of our children, but horror that a day such as this should even need to exist.

Where ever you find yourself today, I invite you to join me in sharing your story in the comments in whatever way you feel compelled to do so. If you have children awaiting you in heaven and would like to share their names, please do so. If your children have only lived in your hopes and dreams and you would like to document your infertility journey here in some way, I welcome you to do that as well.

Today I remember:
- Noel Alexis, our Christmas Minister of Needs
- Joel Samuel, a child for whom we long desired a greatly prayed, a reminder of God's faithfulness
- Hannah Rose, named in reminder of God's grace that blooms through darkest grief
- I also remember 7 precious children who touched our hearts and carry our prayers, but who never officially joined our family through adoption as we had hoped they each would.

- And I humbly thank the Lord for bringing 3 living blessings into our home to share our lives through the storm of 13 years of praying and waiting.

What is your story? Where is your heart hurting today? Who are the children of your longing and dreams? Will you share them with me today by taking a moment to simply write their names?

Finding Answers

The woman at the well sought happiness in the arms of men.
Jesus provides peace that could be found in none other than Himself.

I sought joy in the new life of a baby.
Jesus offers New Life in Himself.

I wanted to know the feeling of carrying another soul inside my body.
He provides the Holy Spirit to indwell me...

Won't you please join me today over at Held to read the rest?

Is This God's Punishment?

I think it's a question we are all prone to ask when pain stretches out and relief remains far from sight. Thank you Traci, for your beautiful take on this question as your tacked another myth of infertility!

Maybe God doesn’t want you to have kids. Maybe the babies you’ve lost had something “wrong” with them {they didn’t} and that’s why God took them. Maybe God is trying to teach you something. Maybe there is sin in your life that needs to be resolved before you’ll get pregnant. Maybe you’re not good enough to be parents... Actually, I don’t recall anyone ever saying those particular words, but I think all of the above makes you feel like you’re hearing that last one...

If you have heard any accusations like these, you will be blessed by Traci's refutes of these lies!

Hold On!

Held, the new blogging community of Hannah's Prayer Ministries is officially launching today. If you are facing infertility, pregnancy loss, infant death, adoption challenges, or are longing to support anyone in any of these circumstances, Held is written with you in mind. Please come subscribe to posts, follow us on Facebook or Twitter, submit your story, or simply read and be blessed.



What kind of articles would you like to see posted to a blog like this? What's your story? To what experiences and emotions can you best relate? Please share your hopes for Held and give us feedback so we can work toward making this place a blessing for you!

Saturday Shock

Another FANTASTIC article by Kristi Bothur over at Glory and Strength:

Plenty has been said about Good Friday, the day Jesus was crucified. A day of anguish and accusations, darkness and defeat. Friday was the worst, darkest day in the disciples’ lives. All of their hopes were dashed, nailed to a cross, buried in a tomb.

And Easter Sunday – we know a lot about that. Jesus alive! The grave empty! A day of joy, hope, and miracles!

But no one talks about Saturday....


My “Good Friday” was March 9, 2009, when I realized that the baby I’d carried for 18 weeks had died. In that moment, my world ended, and I was plunged into the darkest place emotionally that I had ever been. I clung to God, desperate for His comfort and peace....


When resurrection comes, it will not erase the past. Easter Sunday did not change the fact that the crucifixion, in all of its ugliness, had happened. His followers would never forget that day. And there was no getting back to normal either. They didn’t return to their former lives of following an itinerant teacher and healer around Judea. No, they went forward into their new normal characterized by God’s power and presence in a way they had never dreamed possible.

But first, you have to get through Saturday...

Read more, this week only at Glory and Strength: Stuck in Saturday

New Blogging Community

We've all heard it from childhood. The expectation of most marriages is family growth through joyful pregnancy and birth. But what happens when those dreams don't unfold as we imagined? Often we are left feeling as though we’re in a headlong free-fall away from the protective hand of God. And not only that, sometimes it seems no one else cares or understands either.



Hannah's Prayer leadership has been praying for over a year about how to expand our ministry outreach not only to women facing fertility challenges, but also to offer tools for our friends, families, churches and loved ones who long to support us but might not be sure how. We are excited to tell you that on April 25, the day after Easter, we will be launching our newest ministry outreach, Held the blogging arm of Hannah's Prayer Ministries.

While we won't be officially "open" for 10 days yet, we would love to give you a sneak peek at what we are cooking up. You can read more about the vision of Held along with information about how you can be part of the excitement.

If you have a website, blog, Facebook page or any other way of helping us spread the word, please feel free to grab the Held button and share it around. We've got some great posts already lined up and would love to have some lots of friends ready to visit when we launch on the 25th.

Grab the code!

<a href="http://hannahsprayerblog.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Hannah'sPrayerBlog" src="http://i516.photobucket.com/albums/u321/rusrach/HeldButton2002.png"/></a>

We are beyond excited to see what God's got planned for this blog, and we hope the excitement will be contagious! Please come and join us in this unfolding journey!

P.S. There's a related Facebook page as well: http://www.facebook.com/HeldBlog

Crushed In Spirit

The recipe called for crushed rosemary, and all I had was whole. So I measured the required amount onto a plate, found a small glass with a flat bottom, and began to systematically break up and grind the dried spice into tiny little bits. As I did, I kept thinking, “This is how my heart feels.” For two years, I had been walking a road marked by illness and pregnancy loss. Two years of uncertainty, dismal diagnoses, loss, and surgery. It had broken me down, so much that I felt unrecognizable from the person I was before. The finer I crushed the spice, the more deeply it seemed to represent my crushed spirit...

Please continue this fantastic article by Kristi Bother of Naomi's Circle over at Glory and Strength. (It will only be live through the month of April.)

Retreats!!!

Did you ever wish you could sit down, face-to-face, with someone who really understands this burden? Do you know anyone in real life who has walked this painful journey ahead of you? What if you could draw away to a quiet place, as Jesus Himself did often, and reconnect with God? What if you could make new, understanding, caring friends at the same time?

Well, here are two chances to do just that! First, Hannah's Prayer Ministries is excited to introduce Holley Gerth as the keynote speaker at our upcoming infertility and pregnancy/infant loss support retreat, June 24-26, 2011 in Costa Mesa, California.

Follow this button for more details (and grab the code from my sidebar to add the button to your own page too).



Or maybe you can't wait until June to connect with others? How about joining the "First-Ever Kansas City Infertility Awareness Conference" to recognize National Infertility Awareness Week (April 24 – 30, 2011). This even has been launched by an infertility and pregnancy loss support group called "Sisters of Hannah" (not directly associated with Hannah's Prayer Ministries). The conference event will on Saturday, April 30, 2011, at North Kansas City Hospital from 9:00 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. The event is FREE, however, as seating is limited, registration is required. For more information regarding this event, please email kcinfertilityawareness@hotmail.com.

With Hope by Steven Curtis Chapman

Baby Cry, Battle Cry

I just read an incredible devotional by Joni (paralyzed from the neck down in a diving accident as a teen in the 60s - as a result, she has never had children). She was reminiscing about her first Christmas after her accident and how she felt so abused by God that He would take everything from her like that. And she went on to talk about how He began changing her heart over that year and what her second Christmas was like. You can read the whole thing at http://www.joniandfriends.org/blog/monday-dec-20th-update-joni/ but that statement that stood out me was:

Last Sunday our pastor said, "When the angels appeared over Bethlehem, theirs wasn't a lullaby, it was a battle cry." He's right. The birth of Christ may have ended the enmity between God and man with the announcement, "Peace on earth and goodwill toward men," but our adversary, the devil, only sneered at the peace-offering in the manger that night. It only heightened his war against God and His people -- Herod's slaughter of innocent babies in Bethlehem only proved it. And 2000 years later, the war is still raging. So friend, join me on the front lines. Nothing God ever asks of you is 'unreasonable.' It's why I pray that this Christmas week, no matter what your affliction, you'll find peace, once again, in celebrating all that the Father has graciously given us in His Son, our Savior. What a glorious and generous gift!

Once again a reminder that the coming of the Child brought with it such anguish, "Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted..." and that we are in a battle, not against flesh and blood. Praying peace for your hurting heart, that the wonder of His Sacrifice will shine through the sorrow.

Grieving Christmas

One of the hardest parts of Christmas for me for years went beyond the "I want my baby" thing of watching adorable little ones dress for Christmas pageants, thinking of all we were "missing" on Christmas morning under the tree and so forth. For me the hardest part was that the very point of the holiday was focused around the expectation of birth, an infant Jesus, a pregnant and delivering Mary (and here she was a virgin and God gave her a baby when I couldn't even get pregnant with the help of doctors in the midst of a loving marriage)! :dry:

Gradually God helped me change my focus. I asked the Lord to help you be able to look past a pregnant Mary or a Baby in a manger, to remember the reason for this season is because our Father willingly became a grieving Dad to pay the price of my eternal adoption! ♥

My heart hurts for all the pain surrounding this season. How can I specifically be praying for, supporting, uplifting and encouraging you through the next few weeks? Have you found any "coping strategies" that make getting through the holidays more bearable?

Stepping Stones has recently shared a beautiful poem and encouraging letter about Christmas and Infertility at http://www.bethany.org/pdfs/SteppingStonesExtra_December2010.pdf - I pray this link will be a blessing to you today.

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day (Book Give Away!)

In recognition of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day, I would like to give away my (gently used) copy of Kristie Verret's new book Unforgotten Children: A Testimony of God's Healing through Miscarriage. I just finished reading this copy a week or two ago. It is a personal story of growth and reflection through loss. My favorite quote from the book is:

Each hardship left a gaping hole in my heart. Those holes HAD to be filled, whether I liked it or not. But if I didn't choose to fill them with God and His truth, then satan would begin to automatically fill them with lies leading to my feeling of separation from God.

For a chance to win, please leave a comment here, along with a valid email address or other contact information so I can get your mailing address from you if you win. If you have a child awaiting you in Heaven, I would love to hear your baby's name and anything else you want to share about him/her. {hug} The contest will remain open through the month of October, and a winner will be selected in early November. Please feel free to post this link or pass it on to others who might be in need of the encouragement of this book. (Leave me an additional comment for every way you pass along the link - emails to friends, facebook, twitter, post to your own blog, etc. - and receive an additional entry for each time you help spread the word!)




Remembering with love, Noel Alexis, Joel Samuel and Hannah Rose. Eagerly awaiting our reunion in Heaven!

Mommies w/ Hope

Mommies With Hope is hosting a give-away this week! Be encouraged by one Mom's story of love and loss, then enter to win Becky Avella's book, And Then You Were Gone: Restoring a Broken Heart After Pregnancy Loss, a Starbucks gift card or a HOPE magnet.

"And our hope for your is firm, because we know just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:7

Win I Will Carry You

Enter for a chance to win a copy of Angie Smith's I Will Carry You.

From the Christianbook.com website:

"Angie and her husband Todd (lead singer of Dove Award winning group Selah) learned through ultrasound that their fourth daughter had conditions making her "incompatible with life." Advised to terminate the pregnancy, the Smiths chose to carry their child and allow room for a miracle. This is Angie's faith-filled story of losing her child, interwoven with the biblical story of Lazarus to help those who mourn to still have hope - to find grace and peace in the sacred dance of grief and joy."

This contest runs from September 15, 2010 through October 15, 2010 and is open to U.S. residents. Enter at http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/giveaway?code=464283

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awarness Month

The month of October has traditionally been set aside as a time of awareness and remembrance for children who have died during pregnancy or early infancy. In just over two weeks there will be a specific day, Oct. 15, where state governors will issue official proclamations, public observances will take place, and individual grieving hearts will quietly light candle to celebrate the much-to-quickly-passing of the earthly lives of our children. To look for information on local observances or to find out more about National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day please visit october15th.com

Are Children Replaceable?

Today I am delighted to share with you a guest post from Lori, mom to Matthew, born onto earth on November 28, 2009 (after a 10-year-infertility battle) and born into Heaven the very next day. Lori has been amazingly transparent on her blog through this grief journey and now adds to the delicate balance of learning to live after loss, the joyful/nervous anticipation of baby Luke due next January. Her recent reflections on the book of Job blessed me this week and I pray they will minister to you as well:

So, I'm just going to put it out there. I've been very, very aggravated with the story of Job since Matthew died.

And if I'm really honest, a little aggravated with God's mentality (or what I believed it to be) in the whole resolution and ending of Job's story.

Because while there are many lessons learned, pieces of wisdom and insight to be gleaned and comfort found (although I admit, still some questions!)...one thing has just really, really bothered me.

At the end...when Job's faithfulness is 'rewarded' and he is 'doubly blessed', I've been aggravated with the notion that everything he lost doubled and some new children could make it all better. More specifically, he lost seven sons and three daughters...and getting seven new sons and three new daughters was supposed to be a reward? Like those children were just replaceable with seven new sons and three new daughters?

I've often thought, "No wonder Job's wife felt like cursing God. Her babies were gone and she thought God did it." I don't believe that's the way to go about it, but I have to admit I could sure see her perspective.

So anyway...I've not been happy with the resolution of seven new sons and three new daughters. They don't replace those first children, nor could the space in Job's heart or his wife's heart be filled with 'new children'.

I had a CASA meeting tonight and was driving home. I had the radio on and it was XM station 170, Family Talk. It was some preacher, and I didn't necessarily recognize his voice. I listened mindlessly for a few minutes (long day!) and then decided I'd put some music on. So right as I was about to turn the channel, I heard the guy say something about death and the book of Job. I stopped for a second and he went on to further say that for anyone who's ever lost a loved one, and more specifically, a child, the book of Job should present problems at first. Well...I was hooked. And listened. He said that if we paid attention, all the stuff Job had in chapter one was replaced and in double the quantity by the end of Job. All but the children. I'd never actually paid attention to the number of children Job was again given, if I think about it. I just knew he'd been given more children and somehow life was good again. So, the guy goes on and says, "If you have ever lost a child, this should bother you. Children are not replaceable."

I teared up.

He then noted that we had to dig a bit deeper, though and note the significance. Job received seven more sons and 3 more daughters--NOT 14 more sons and 6 more daughters, as would fit the double blessing recipe.

Why not? Everything else was returned and he was doubly blessed. Why not the children too?

Because, just as this guy said...children are NOT replaceable. Job WAS doubly blessed with children...it's just that the first seven sons and three daughters were waiting for him in Heaven and his 'double blessing portion' of children, if you will, was there on earth with him now.

He *was* doubly blessed with children...but half were just waiting in Heaven for him.

As my Matthew waits for me.

And oh, my sweet Matthew....mommy waits for you.

I too have been doubly blessed...with one in Heaven waiting for me and one inside me kicking around for more ice cream.

There are no coincidences, friends. That random man's words were meant just for me.

Maybe for you too?

Day of Hope

Have you ever seen those beautiful photos of a baby's name written in sand? Did they sting your heart as you looked to your own empty arms? Did you realize they were in honor and remembrance of precious babies who left the wombs or arms of their mothers much too soon?

If you or a loved one has suffered the death of a baby at any time from conception through infancy, Aug. 19 is an anual day set aside to stop and remember with love. Feel free to visit august19thdayofhope.blogspot.com to grab your own free memorial butterfly photo like this one I'm posting in memory of Noel Alexis (age 15), Joel Samuel (age 9) and Hannah Rose (age 8) along side many other Mommies honoring their sweet children in Heaven today.

 Praying for every heart aching over the death of your baby, asking our Father, who holds our children in His arms, to hold our hearts just as closely.
(Also remembering my days of "envying" even mothers through loss because the sting of infertility, of not being anyone's Mom, even to a child awaiting me in Heaven, hurt so deeply. If this is where you find yourself, grieving without a specific child to grieve, I'm praying for you today as well!)