Where to Find Me

The Hannah's Hope blog offers years worth of archived articles, but I'm no longer active here. I still post brief encouragements and resources, typically a few times per month, at facebook.com/HannahsHopeBook/, but if you are looking for current blog posts, I have a new home.

JenniferSaake.blogspot.com

My condensed infertility/loss story, a free Hannah's Hope chapter PDF download link, a free Hannah's Hope audio clip link, and news of my next blog project are found on my Hannahs page over there att JenniferSaake.blogspot.com/2021/04/hannahs.html.

JenniferSaake.blogspot.com

Go enjoy. :)

JenniferSaake.blogspot.com

About Hannah

I love what this study on women of the Bible had to say about Hannah. In part:

When God met Hannah at the temple in Shiloh, he not only answered her prayer for a child, he answered her prayer for comfort in her misery. He gave her consolation in her disappointment and strength to face her situation. Scripture does not say that she went away sure she would bear a child, but it does make it clear that she went away comforted: "Her face was no longer downcast" (1 Samuel 1:18). What even the love and care of her husband Elkanah could not provide, God could provide.

To read more visit BibleGateway's Women of the Bible sketch on Hannah.

You might also appreciate my recent article entitled What About Me? For my friends specifically dealing with infertility or sterility, you will find a supplement of this article, written just for you, by following that link as well.

Please come visit me on my new official author page on Facebook. I'm gearing up to publish my next book and would love your support at www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope/. Please help me show potential publishers I'm serious about this book writing thing. They need to see numbers of likes well into the thousands while I'm only in the low hundreds, so far.

Thankful Hearts

It can be hard to be thankful when your heart is hurting. May God comfort you this morning, and give you strength for the children and family situations that may enter your life today and throughout the holiday weekend. {hug}

If You Enjoyed Hannah's Hope...

My manuscript for Hannah's Hope was due to the publisher 12 years ago this month.

I had no idea then that I would even write another book at all. Once I realized that was God's call, never dreamed I wouldn't have a second manuscript to a publisher yet.
God's timing...

When I think of the current (pre-stroke) manuscript in terms of the writing profession, it is taking SO LONG and I get really sad and discouraged. (Hannah's Hope took me 10 months of active writing time. The manuscript for Harvesting Hope from Heartache has had 4 years of active writing - I started it a week before the strokes, then could not do anything with it for the next several, so it has been about 4 years since I had the single-handed typing coordination and eye-sight to get back into this project - and it is STILL not finished!) I think even the snails and turtles are lapping me at this point!

When I think of all I have accomplished in the past 4 1/2 years from the perspective of a brain stem stroke survivor who should not even be alive, and what I do type is through very slow thought processing and single-handed typing, I'm honestly rather blown away by what God is working through me THIS FAST!

Sale News!

Family Christian Stores is currently running a special. By one gook, get another for half off!

Hannah's Hope sells there for $14.99. That means you could by it for just $7.50 if you are buying any other book there!

Or maybe you want to spend about $11 each, I buy one for yourself and one for a friend. :)

Looking Pregnant, But Not

#InvisibleFight #MyInvisibleFight #IIWK #IIWK15 http://invisibleillnessweek.com/ What #Infertility can look like!#IF 

I faced "female problems" from my early teen years. Thirty years later, this picture was taken last week, a few days before my final hysterectomy, which will hopefully lay the consequences of a diseased reproductive system to rest once and for all!

You see, this was actually my second hysterectomy, going back to take my cervix, remaining ovary, and once again (as has been surgically required so many times over the past 20 years) clean out the mess and pain created by Endometriosis. I am 43 years old and dramatically entered menopause in full force last week.

There had been absolutely NO CHANCE of that belly hosting the life of a baby for nearly seven years since I had surgically said farewell to the body of my uterus and first ovary, yet to look at me, all bloated and inflamed, it would have been a common presumption to think I was well-along into pregnancy!

This got me thinking and reflecting on our decade of active infertility. My tummy HAS looked like this before, sometimes, at least six in fact, from the hard-fought blessing of carrying a child within! For all those stretch marks, I am rewarded far beyond anything I had ever dared hope during our infertility years, with three living children in my home today, ages 15, 12 and 9. I do not take them for granted. I so wish I could have worn a t-shirt (or neon sign on my forehead) that read something like, "Don't hate me infertile friend. This baby has been 7 years in the making!" Just because I was finally pregnant, the feelings of infertility were not magically erased! I readily still related much more with the infertile word than the fertile one!

Our living miracles' known siblings who never got to come home would be 20, a likely twin of the 15-year-old, 14, and 13. I am ever so blessed that my womb was their entire earthly home, yet they are still missed! Pregnant tummy mis-speaking about the state of my fertility once again, in each of their cases.

More strangely, my tummy has looked like this before because of the very reality of not being able to conceive! Illness and swelling such as I just pictured , from Endometriosis or other reproductive illness, but also sometimes from PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), in response to fertility drugs, and/or due ovarian hyper-stimulation! What insult, added to injury, to "look pregnant" simply because of whatever condition(s) is causing sub fertility in the first place!

So next time you see a "pregnant" woman, don't presume! Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. Either way, there may be much more to her story than meets the eye. And to the lady I naively asked how far along you were, 20-some years ago, before I knew better, I'm still so very sorry for the tears I brought to your eyes that day. Please forgive me! - Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake (on Facebook)

Picture and article also posted at http://infertilitymom.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-tummy.html - please share!

Infertility Is...

Kristi Bother, of This Side of Heaven and Naomi's Circle, posted a fantastic article on Infertility: What It Really Is for a motherhood blog this week. Here are my memories her list stirred:

Infertility is hormones so far out of whack that your ovulation predictor test (measuring the surge in hormones that should only happen to bring about ovulation, but when chronically elevated actually prevents ovulation at all) tells you that you are “ovulating” when you are just starting your period and know it to be a medical impossibility.

Infertility is extra pounds that will not be shed, deep painful acne and intense sugar cravings.

Infertility is squirming under the teasing of friends who ask, “You guys know how this is supposed to work, right?”

Infertility is going to someone’s baby shower on Day 2 of another negative cycle and making a blubbering fool of yourself.

Infertility is taking your cat to the vet to get “fixed” the same week you are taking fertility shots to try to get your own ovaries to actually work!

Infertility is driving to the lab with your husband’s sperm sample tucked safely into your bra (gotta keep it body temperature you know) and praying you don’t get in a car accident where you will have to explain the contents to an EMT.

Infertility is being the only woman in your row who doesn’t stand for a flower at church on Mother’s Day, then having a “pity flower” gently placed in your lap during prayer because the usher saw your tears.

Infertility is attending a loved ones funeral and realizing you will never get to tell this person if you ever are blessed to have a child joining your family.

Infertility is grieving another wedding anniversary, not because it marks years of marriage, but because it is a firm reminder of how long you have been trying to conceive and/or adopt.

Infertility is celebrating months of severe morning sickness because you never thought you would get the chance!

Infertility is being 7 months pregnant and feeling like you don’t belong at your own baby shower because this world has been so foreign to you for so long.

Infertility is answering your two-year-old’s questions and confusion when he tells you he wants a baby sister and you tell him you want that too, but know it took years to have him.

Infertility is trying to help your toddler grasp that their baby who was in your tummy just yesterday now lives in Heaven and will not be coming home to us.

Infertility is when your preschooler would rather watch the adoption agency welcome video for the millionth time rather than a new episode of Blue’s Clues or Thomas the Tank.

Infertility is hearing people tell you how perfectly you “planned” and spaced your children over a six-year-window and rolling your eyes inside because you know that the three living miracles they see are totally God’s doing and not your plan at all, part of 13 sibling (biological and adoption attempts) who touched your lives over more than a decade.

Infertility is realizing that now you are the “mother with the most children” but still don’t qualify to claim the title in this Mother’s Day contest because the number in your home doesn’t match the number carried in your heart.

Infertility is getting to claim some kind of title in the contest but not wanting to take the prize because you know the whole affair is hurting someone else’s heart and there is no chance to tell your story and let her know how you got here.

Infertility is learning that I am not God.

When You Hate Hope

Such a good article: When You Hate Hope

http://herviewfromhome.com/when-you-hate-hope/

Miscarriage Testimony

http://youtu.be/BxnQzwrF4OU

Please Help!

I am looking to purchase a domain name. I need something people can remember, spell, is "catchy" and/or speaks to the topics of my books (infertility, loss, fruit of the Spirit, hope, motherhood, illness, heartache, grace, various Biblical heroes like Hannah, Job, Paul). Any suggestions or ideas? I like jennifer.saake but wonder if the spelling of our last name will become an issue? Most domains of my actual book titles are already taken (like the StrokeOfGrace domain, though I could still use these words with hyphenation between them or adding on the word "book" at the end like I did with HannahsHopeBook.com), plus you need a new one for each project and I'm looking for something I could list all books, blogs and any future affiliated projects and ministries under. Maybe something with my used-around-the-internet handle of InfertilityMom, but will that be confusing for people that don't know my background? I've used Jenni's Journal for several projects over the years, so something along those lines might work. I was thinking maybe something alone the lines of ChronicallyTrustingChrist but that is LONG for a domain name. I also love roses, and themes of harvest, gardening and growth. Someone suggested something butterfly related (cocoon, chrysalis (<---- already="" and="" anything="" but="" can="" etc="" find="" flight="" give="" go.="" hard="" i="" ideas="" like="" me="" not="" ready.="" really="" short="" simple="" soaring="" span="" spell="" t="" taken="" takes="" that="" to="" transformation="" wing="" wings="" word="" your="">

October 15

Anniversaries

My manuscript for Hannah's Hope was due to the publisher 10 years ago today! (I know, because this is our 22nd wedding anniversary, that was our 12th.) I had no idea then that I would even write another book at all, and once I realized that was God's call, never dreamed I wouldn't have a second manuscript to a publisher yet. God's timing...

You Are Not Alone!



My sweet friend, Shelly, and I are co-hosting another season of the (in)Courager email / Facebook group for women with chronic illnesses. If this describes you, we would so love to have you join us this semester at (in)Hope. But if you are not looking for a small chronic illness community, please check out any of the 70 other, free, safe, amazing, women-only communities over at (in)Courage, only accepting new member this week, and asking for a participation commitment just until July 4. It is so wonderful to exchange messages and ideas and love with a small group of ladies who really "get it" about the unique challenges of your life. there is a special group just quivering with joy to welcome you into their "family" this week. Won't you please, join us! #incouragers #inHope #inCourage
Of special interest to readers of this blog, you might wish to learn more about:

Wives Without Children

Adoptive Moms - Born In Our Hearts

(in)Care Of: Fostering/Adopting

For Such a Time as This (step moms)

(in)couraging Abundant Life in the Midst of Depression

THRIVE (in)fertility

A Refuge in the Storm-Finding Strength for Hard Times

And many more!

God's Works

Video recorded for WEGO Health nomination (written transcript is half way down page, at this link), February, 2014.

New Meaning to "Labor Day"

18 years ago, I was due to have been in labor with our firstborn on Labor Day. Really not sad at the memory now, just strange to think of how different our lives could have been. I think I would still be grieving pretty strongly, if it weren't for this event that so profoundly changed my perspective. Knowing Noel knows nothing but Glory, I am eager to meet her again some day. 

Pintrest

For saying and images that may more closely reflect your heart today, please visit my miscarriage / pregnancy loss





or infertility boards on Pinterest.

 



My Life Since Hannah's Hope

People are continuing to find me through various sources and surprised that they didn't know it was "me" all those different places. So to help everyone find me, I want to list the projects and places I currently remain active so you can easily find me. (Technically, I'm registered for over 30 blogs, but some I don't keep current anymore, some I per-registered for names of probable future book projects, some are titles I know people to search for me by and just redirect to other active blogs, etc.)

From Facebook - I do this a lot!

So here's where to currently find me actively writing, cup of tea on the side table next to me (pictures from around my home (children and child-related projects included) to help in mentally imagining the process):

Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage and Adoption Loss (book published by NavPress, 2005, ISBN-10: 1576836541; ISBN-13: 978-1576836545) . Hannah's Hope blog and Pinterest pages on infertility, miscarriage / loss, adoption. Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/HannahsHopeBook

InfertilityMom, blog on motherhood after infertility and loss. My motherhood pin board (along with those just listed above) probably best fits this audience. Homemaking too. :)

My current book project, a harvest-themed devotional study on the fruit of the Holy Spirit, especially in the face of trying times, working title Harvesting Hope from Heartache and the accompanying Harvesting Hope blog and Harvesting Hope, fruit of the Spirit , gardening, roses, and spiritual warfare Pinterest pages. Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope

Of course, Stroke Of Grace, my unfolding stroke recovery journey blog. I hope to write an accompanying book if future years. On Pinterest, there are several specifically related pages: stroke-related pictures and thoughts, why I'm homesick for Heaven, therapy and exercise, my struggle to find purpose, thoughts on grace and glory and a great collection of brain images. Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Stroke-of-Grace-by-Jennifer-Saake/339888582731687

From Facebook

A future book project, currently titled Given Me a Thorn,a study on the life of the Apostle Paul as comfort, encouragement and resources for living with chronic pain and/or illness. Pinterest pages at Natural Health and Chronic Illness, Gluten Free, Latex Free, and Given Me a Thorn. Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/GivenMeaThorn

A page I have let fall fallow since the strokes, I hope to revive again, InnerBeautyGirlz, tips and tricks (and even some give-aways) for outward beauty, but with an intention focus on the heart and soul.  I have, however, really been building my Pinterest page on this beauty this year, a reflection of my own struggles both physically and emotionally/mentally, to accept God's perspective on me in my brokenness. Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/innerbeautygirlz

Find me on Twitter at @InfertilityMom. I would love to invite you to follow all my Pinterest boards (several more, not listed here, like Social Media, various holidays/seasons, Japan (special board on Koi fish), Tips and Tricks, romantic bicycles like the ones above and below,  my heroes,  Just Because... and much more) at /InfertilityMom.

From Facebook

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. - Psalm 51:17

Missing My Friends!

Since typing with just one hand means I don't often get this page updated, this is just a reminder to join https://www.facebook.com/HannahsHopeBook as I am frequently passing on fresh resources on infertility, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, stillbirth, infant death, marriage and adoption there! (Pushing the "share" button to pass along others' resources is much easier than the mental or physical stamina required to type up fresh blog content. I'm happy to highlight what other first post!) PLEASE JOIN US.

Or if you are on Pintrest, you might be interested in some of my boards:

Infertility

Pregnancy Loss

Adoption



Also (children may be mentioned), if you wish, you are welcome to follow my stroke journey, people who inspire me, or all of my boards.

 

My current book project is a devotional by the working title of  Harvesting Hope from Heartache and two theme-inspired pinboards: Harvesting Hope an Fruit of the Spirit.

That Sunday Each May

An wonderful Mother's Day article , not quite like any I have read before, is found at Happy Daughter's Day by Elyse Fitzpatrick.

If you are interested in after-infertility and loss thoughts on Mother's Day, here's what on my own mind today (finishing with a link to an open letter to pastors about this Sunday).

It can be the very hardest day of the whole year.

Kinship With Tragedy

Thinking of recent tragedies, I can't help but wonder if there were any long-awaited, after-infertility children involved? Or children of parents who are already trying to live again after the loss of at least one child during pregnancy or infancy? Praying for all hurting hearts!
 
God, you know we question how you could allow such a thing, especially when longing for the very thing that was so brutally ripped from the arms of hurting parents today? We pray your comfort, peace, and ultimate glory through these tragic events! We trust that you have a good plan and can use even this evil to work good from what seems so senseless to our way of thinking! We feel kinship in loss and grief and longing. Please bring your hope out of this hopelessness! 

Thoughts from Max Lucado are linked here.

Sale!

Hannah's Hope is currently on reduced price on the NavPress website. I don't know for how long, but right now it is $8.99 rather than the $14.99 list price! https://www.navpress.com/product/9781576836545/Hannahs-Hope-Jennifer-Saake

Natural PCO Option

Here is part of a post I recently wrote for another blog. I got to thinking it might help someone here as well.

One area where she has been overseeing my health care is in the area of PCO or polycystic ovaries. I have take the diabetic drug, Metformin, with great results in the past, but the long-term concerns over taking this medication offer some real concerns. So, with my doctor's approval, I am now trying to gain similar results through more natural means, the medicinal use of cinnamon to address IR (insulin resistance is strongly linked to many cases of PCO). Because I am now on blood thinners (due to the stents placed after my strokes), I am on the kind without blood thinning concerns, Ceylon Cinnamon (something anyone on medicinal levels of this spice should be informed about)!

What Will Heaven be Like?

What I just posted (to another blog), the most personal information I have ever shared online.

Tiniest Taste of Heaven
(After-infertility/loss child, very briefly mentioned in article, but not the focus of the article.)

Infertility Grace

I am doing a 30-day writing challenge on one of my other blogs. Today I shared about What NOT To Say To An Infertile Couple. (After-infertility children are briefly mentioned.) I would love your thoughts (here or there). What should be added to this list?

On a different note, I would treasure your prayers as I push to finish my next book. Writing during stroke recovery offers many unique challenges!

Sale on HH and Other Nav Titles

Get Hannah's Hope for half price! Till midnight tonight! - NavPress 50% Off Sale! 

Use this code: C24S16CL3 

at  www.navpress.com

When God Says, "No"

Read one mother's reflections on the death of premature twins, here.

To Be Absent

Last fall, Oct. 2011, I experienced multiple strokes with brain-stem involvement. I have vision loss, doubled vision, hearing loss, a partially paralized hand, and I cannot walk, so I have trouble reading or typing. I am posting updates at http://infertilitymom.blogspot.com/search/label/stroke if you wish to read news. I would be blessed by your prayers not only as I fight to recover from this near-fatal experience, but also as I prayerfully work on my next two books, first a devotional on The Fruit of the Spirit and then, if God allows, a Hannah's Hope-style-book on the Apostle Paul and living with chronic pain or illness. I will resume post to this blog when I am able. I also invite you to join me at https://www.facebook.com/HannahsHopeBook .

Write Their Names

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I know this date is bittersweet for some of my friends in an unexpected way, a date they wish they could "celebrate" for it would mean they were Mommies, even if only to heaven-born babies. To other friends, October 15 holds mixed emotions, thankfulness that we can recognize the existence of our children, but horror that a day such as this should even need to exist.

Where ever you find yourself today, I invite you to join me in sharing your story in the comments in whatever way you feel compelled to do so. If you have children awaiting you in heaven and would like to share their names, please do so. If your children have only lived in your hopes and dreams and you would like to document your infertility journey here in some way, I welcome you to do that as well.

Today I remember:
- Noel Alexis, our Christmas Minister of Needs
- Joel Samuel, a child for whom we long desired a greatly prayed, a reminder of God's faithfulness
- Hannah Rose, named in reminder of God's grace that blooms through darkest grief
- I also remember 7 precious children who touched our hearts and carry our prayers, but who never officially joined our family through adoption as we had hoped they each would.

- And I humbly thank the Lord for bringing 3 living blessings into our home to share our lives through the storm of 13 years of praying and waiting.

What is your story? Where is your heart hurting today? Who are the children of your longing and dreams? Will you share them with me today by taking a moment to simply write their names?

My Next Book

I'm often asked when I'm going to write my next book. In reality I've been in the process of writing a book on the life of Paul as encouragement for living with chronic pain and illness for probably close to 5 years now. Since Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage & Adoption Loss took me about 10 years to write, that may not be such exciting news because it tells you I still have a very long way to go!

What I hope is more exciting, what I would like to ask you to partner with me in prayer about as God continues to unfold His plan, is that two of my other blogs, one on beauty and (now that I've gained more focus for what I want to do with this project) specifically Harvesting Hope from Heartache™, have becoming a launching pads for what I feel God is turning into my "next" book.

Yes, I'm continuing to work on the Given Me a Thorn too, but over the past year God has me focusing more on an exploration of the Fruit of the Spirit (a passage written by none other than Paul himself) through a series of articles I've been writing for Glory and Strength and my InnerBeautyGirlz blog. I've been working on a Bible study related to what He's teaching me and I've written much more than could be presented only in my articles, so I think God's growing a book out of all of this! :)

How does the Fruit of the Spirit tie in with Harvesting Hope from Heartache? I'm glad you asked. ;) It all has to do with sowing seeds, gathering fruit, and ultimately what Source my hope springs from. What better time to look to the Lord for help than in the midst of trials? I'm very excited to see how God is tying so many themes together in my life as He's teaching me through Galatians 5 this year! I pray that this book will be as much of a blessing to you as the journey has been to me.

It is my current goal to have enough of this study written and ready to present to publishers that I can begin the query process around the end of the year or in the very early part of 2012. Will you join me in specific prayer that God will give me His words to write and that this project will unfold according to His will and in His perfect timing?

If you would like to stay updated about my progress, I've just opened a new Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope and would love to have you "like" me over there. :) If you don't do Facebook or would rather get updates via feeds, please follow my long-standing Harvesting Hope from Heartache blog directly. Feel free to pass these link along to your friends as well.

Hannah's Story and Jewish New Year

Today is "Rosh Hashanah" or the Jewish spiritual New Year. It's a fascinating, God-ordained celebration, a time to confess sins, give and seek forgiveness, and to contemplate upon the sweetness of God's Word (represented by dipping an apple in honey in reference to such Scriptures as Psalm 119:103).

But in the midst of the festivities, there is also acknowledgment of grief woven through the story of Hannah. You can find out more here (please note, there is a baby pictured on the linked page as well as in the following fun celebratory video).

Finding Answers

The woman at the well sought happiness in the arms of men.
Jesus provides peace that could be found in none other than Himself.

I sought joy in the new life of a baby.
Jesus offers New Life in Himself.

I wanted to know the feeling of carrying another soul inside my body.
He provides the Holy Spirit to indwell me...

Won't you please join me today over at Held to read the rest?