As in past years, my heart has been greatly burdened this week for all for whom this Mother's Day will be painful. I think of so many friends and loved ones (both single and married) who are longing for motherhood, Mommies grieving the deaths of your precious children, those in strained/hurting/broken relationships with their moms and/or children, and my precious friends who are grieving the losses of their own mothers. My heart is burdened to pray not only for each of them individually, but also for the countless, nameless, faceless masses of women who are grieving and dreading this weekend.
A wonderful new realization occurred to me today. If God is burdening my heart like this, as I'm sure He is burdening many others to pray as well, then it is very probable that back at that horrid Mother's Day of 1994 when I was so overwhelmed with grief and depression, He was burdening someone (maybe many "someones") to pray for me as well! I may have been on her heart specifically, or I may have been part of her burden for "all infertile women hurting this Mother's Day," but the reality is that God honored those prayers! As alone and discouraged as I felt, God's hand was there. In my own strength I could only have given into despair, but in God's grace He redeemed by pain for His glory.
Where would I be today had it not been for those prayers that someone lifted before the Throne of Grace? Was it you who prayed for me? If so, there are not words of adequate thanks!
Are you the one in need of prayer this year? If so, please be encouraged - God has not forgotten you and you are on the hearts and in the prayers of countless women who have already walked this path ahead of you, along with many who yet join you in the ongoing grief and use their own pain as a catalyst to pray.
For Mother's Day this year I have asked my husband for flowers and asked my pastor to allow me to place these at the front of our church and run a small notice in the bulletin simply stating, "The flowers at the podium are placed in prayerful and loving honor of all mothers and mothers-at-heart, with special recognition of those for whom this holiday may be painful: those who have lost mothers or children, women longing for motherhood, and mothers and children in broken relationships." While we may not be sitting together this Sunday, these flowers are in your honor as well!
Friday, May 12, 2006
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Back home from Washington and Canada
I've been back from the northwest for just over 2 weeks already. I am so sorry that I have yet to answer many emails since my return. I sprained my neck on the trip (makes sitting/typing pretty uncomfortable) and my father-in-law was hospitalized for a week soon after my return home. I'm trying to get caught up and hope to post more details about the trip soon. It was a wonderful experience. Thank you for all the prayer support!
Want to help people hear about Hannah's Hope?
If you would like to use the image at the right as a link to direct friends to this website, please feel free to save it to your computer and link it to www.HannahsHopeBook.com from your website. :)
Friday, April 14, 2006
Resources for Difficult Times
Here's a broad-range resource list I have compiled to hand out at my talk next weekend in Washington. Though not exclusive to fertility-related issues (in fact, some relate to unplanned pregnancy or parenting), I am posting in hopes of bringing a bit of hope to someone who might need it:
- Devotional Journals for Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Infant Death, and Grieving the Loss of a Loved One - www.HopeLifters.com/resources.shtml
- Grieving the Loss of a Family Member or Friend - GriefShare.org/
- Death of a Child (any age) - www.CompassionateFriends.org/
- Infertility or Pregnancy Loss Support - www.Hannah.org
- Infant Death – www.mend.org
- Continuing Pregnancy After Learning Your Baby Will Die - www.erichad.com/wwl/
- Poor or Difficult Prenatal Diagnosis - BeNotAfraid.net
- High Risk Pregnancy – www.sidelines.org
- Postpartum Mood Disorders and Post Adoption Depression - OutOfTheValley.org
- Adoption – www.ShaohannahsHope.org
- Unplanned Pregnancy - www.care-net.org/
- Abortion – www.HopeAfterAbortion.com/
- Depression - cdp.gospelcom.net
- Suicide - www.road2healing.com/suicidal.html
- Widowhood – www.foycwidows-widowers.com/
- Living Single – ChristianSinglesToday.com
- Divorce – – www.DivorceCare.org
- Divorce, Domestic Violence or Abuse – www.FocusMinistries1.org/
- Pornography, Sexual Promiscuity, Homosexuality www.NationalCoalition.org/
- Abuse and Addictions, Life Stresses, Relationships, Transitions – TroubledWith.org
- Drug/Alcohol Abuse, Addictions, Depression, Eating Disorders and Unplanned Pregnancy – MercyMinistries.org
- Family Life Issues - www.FLToday.org/
- Chronic Pain or Illness - www.RestMinistries.org
- Cancer – www.AmyGivler.com or www.cancerclub.com
- Homeschooling Special Needs Children - nathhan.com/
- Devotional Journals for Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Infant Death, and Grieving the Loss of a Loved One - www.HopeLifters.com/resources.shtml
- Grieving the Loss of a Family Member or Friend - GriefShare.org/
- Death of a Child (any age) - www.CompassionateFriends.org/
- Infertility or Pregnancy Loss Support - www.Hannah.org
- Infant Death – www.mend.org
- Continuing Pregnancy After Learning Your Baby Will Die - www.erichad.com/wwl/
- Poor or Difficult Prenatal Diagnosis - BeNotAfraid.net
- High Risk Pregnancy – www.sidelines.org
- Postpartum Mood Disorders and Post Adoption Depression - OutOfTheValley.org
- Adoption – www.ShaohannahsHope.org
- Unplanned Pregnancy - www.care-net.org/
- Abortion – www.HopeAfterAbortion.com/
- Depression - cdp.gospelcom.net
- Suicide - www.road2healing.com/suicidal.html
- Widowhood – www.foycwidows-widowers.com/
- Living Single – ChristianSinglesToday.com
- Divorce – – www.DivorceCare.org
- Divorce, Domestic Violence or Abuse – www.FocusMinistries1.org/
- Pornography, Sexual Promiscuity, Homosexuality www.NationalCoalition.org/
- Abuse and Addictions, Life Stresses, Relationships, Transitions – TroubledWith.org
- Drug/Alcohol Abuse, Addictions, Depression, Eating Disorders and Unplanned Pregnancy – MercyMinistries.org
- Family Life Issues - www.FLToday.org/
- Chronic Pain or Illness - www.RestMinistries.org
- Cancer – www.AmyGivler.com or www.cancerclub.com
- Homeschooling Special Needs Children - nathhan.com/
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Marriage Uncensored E-Zine Interview
Here is my interview published in the April MU Ezine, giving you a taste for what the television show might be like. I just heard from host Dave Currie, National Director of FamilyLife Canada and host of Marriage Uncensored, that my show will be one of 8 episodes to pilot in the US market through PBS. Watch for details! :)
Monday, March 20, 2006
let's meet up in Washington or Canada
Deadlines age getting close to register for the "Experiencing Hope in Difficult Times" luncheon on April 22 or to be part of the studio audience for a taping of Marriage Uncensored in Surrey, B.C. on the 19. Here are the details in review:
---------
EVENT: Marriage Uncensored television interview about infertility (studio audience needed)
DATE: April 19
TIME: 7:30 - 9:00 pm
PLACE: Surrey, B.C. - find directions at http://www.marriageuncensored.com/audience_directions.php
COST: free tickets required - register at http://www.marriageuncensored.com/audience_reservations.php
CONTACT: christie@familylifecanada.com
Join Jenni and some of the ladies from Hannah's Prayer Ministries for a casual reception coffee time before from 3-5. Email Christie if interested.
--------
EVENT: Experiencing Hope in Difficult Times luncheon (women only)
DATE: April 22
TIME: 10:30am - 2:30pm
PLACE: First Baptist Church, 1616 Pacific Avenue, Everett
COST: $10 (registration deadline April 14)
CONTACT: 425 259-9166
To the outside observer, it may seem that Jennifer Saake has the "perfect" life - loving husband, three beautiful children, nice house, great friends... But a casual glance doesnt tell you the surprising story behind Jennis journey to todays blessings. Through 15 years of chronic pain and illness, a decade of infertility, the loss of ten children (miscarriages and adoptions), financial devastation, depression, bankrupt friendships and a deep spiritual crisis, she knows firsthand what it means to struggle! Registration includes lunch and childcare if requested. Sponsor: Womens ministries of First Baptist
Jenni will also be going out to a early dinner with a few friends after the luncheon. If you would like to join us (husbands and children welcome as well), please contact me by April 14 and plan to bring cash to cover your meal as Flying Pigs will not split the bill for groups.
---------
EVENT: Marriage Uncensored television interview about infertility (studio audience needed)
DATE: April 19
TIME: 7:30 - 9:00 pm
PLACE: Surrey, B.C. - find directions at http://www.marriageuncensored.com/audience_directions.php
COST: free tickets required - register at http://www.marriageuncensored.com/audience_reservations.php
CONTACT: christie@familylifecanada.com
Join Jenni and some of the ladies from Hannah's Prayer Ministries for a casual reception coffee time before from 3-5. Email Christie if interested.
--------
EVENT: Experiencing Hope in Difficult Times luncheon (women only)
DATE: April 22
TIME: 10:30am - 2:30pm
PLACE: First Baptist Church, 1616 Pacific Avenue, Everett
COST: $10 (registration deadline April 14)
CONTACT: 425 259-9166
To the outside observer, it may seem that Jennifer Saake has the "perfect" life - loving husband, three beautiful children, nice house, great friends... But a casual glance doesnt tell you the surprising story behind Jennis journey to todays blessings. Through 15 years of chronic pain and illness, a decade of infertility, the loss of ten children (miscarriages and adoptions), financial devastation, depression, bankrupt friendships and a deep spiritual crisis, she knows firsthand what it means to struggle! Registration includes lunch and childcare if requested. Sponsor: Womens ministries of First Baptist
Jenni will also be going out to a early dinner with a few friends after the luncheon. If you would like to join us (husbands and children welcome as well), please contact me by April 14 and plan to bring cash to cover your meal as Flying Pigs will not split the bill for groups.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
A New Way to Keep in Touch
Amazon.com is now offering "Amazon Connect" to authors as a way of staying in touch with readers. If you have purchased a copy of my book through Amazon, you will be able to see more comments and thoughts from me on the Hannah's Hope page at Amazon.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Marriage Chapter reprinted at Crosswalk.com
The majority of one of the "marriage chapters" of Hannah's Hope was reprinted in today's (Jan. 12) issue of "Crosswalk Marriage". It is kind of weird for me to read one chapter as a stand-alone article without the full context of the book to surround it, but I am praying that these words will bring healing and encouragement to God's intended audience. The link to view this article is http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1371247.html.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Reflections on pregnancy after miscarriage and infertility
I first posted this to the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums on Dec. 27, 2005. There are living children and a current pregnancy mentioned, along with references to the thirteen years that have brought us to this point and our babies in Heaven:
Eleven years ago this morning, I woke up cramping and bleeding. It was one of the roughest periods of my life, both emotionally and physically. The negative pregnancy test the night before should have prepared me, but I was still devastated. I had been seeing my doctor for testing and was anticipating an ultrasound of a breast lump as soon as we got back home from visiting my parents for Christmas, so it had been an emotional month anyway. But it had seemed "different" in a hopeful way and I just couldn't quite let myself believe there had been no baby for yet another month - just over two years now since we had started out on this baby quest.
By the time of my doctor's appointment the following week, the large lump was completely gone and the breast ultrasound totally clear. The next 8 1/2 months my body refused to cycle. In the midst of all this, I shared with my doctor my suspicion that I had indeed been pregnant in December and she confirmed that she too suspected an early miscarriage. Late in coming and no solid medical "evidence" (proof of a positive hcg, etc.) but finally conformation that I was not crazy and "permission" to grieve the baby my heart had known all along, yet my mind had logically denied as "only a late period" for the past five months. As if on cue, knowing when I should have gone into labor, my period returned with a vengeance two weeks before my would-have-been due date.
It's been 11 years. The first few anniversaries were devastating with weeks of worry and anticipation building up to the dreaded due dates. Then came Joshua, our injectables/IUI miracle, born the very week but 5 years after his big sister, Noel Alexis, made her journey to Heaven. What a gift!
A year later we were just starting to "feel infertile" again as secondary infertility became a reality, only to find out mid-January that we had experienced the miracle of natural conception on New Year's Day... When Joel quickly followed Noel to Heaven, the reality that "this may not be so easy" was once again upon us with renewed grief. Hannah kissed my womb only a few months later, but she too was gone almost as quickly as she had come, leaving only a positive hpt and bittersweet tears as her legacy.
By the next Christmas, Noel's 7th in Heaven, we had gone 7 more months without conception, our miracle baby boy was turning two and we were preparing for the laparascopy I would have in January for endometriosis that had agressively returned. Rick was feeling our family complete, or maybe God was leading us toward adoption, and I was grieving that only 1 of our 4 precious babies was here to share this life with us.
As only God could do, the next Christmas found me a month from the delivery of our precious baby girl, Ruth! The laparscopy had turned into a 3 1/2 hour event and I had woken up to the news that we had less than 5% chance of ever conceiving again even with medical aid, and that even if we could conceive, my ability to carry was highly questionable. Though I spent the entire third trimester on bedrest, God carried our little girl to full term healthy birth against those odds.
Over the past two Christmases, I've sought contentment in the family we have been given, learning to trust God with my husband's decision that I had been through all the grief he wanted to watch me undergo and that our efforts to grow our family were done. Then God surprised us this past June to learn that He wasn't done growing our family, so this Christmas I sit 7 months pregnant, once again fighting ongoing contractions, bedrest and an irritable uterus, and finding myself surging with tearful hormones. I thought I was OK with where we had been, that this year infertility and grief were truly behind me. That Noel, and Joel and Hannah, while always a part of my heart, no longer demanded ongoing grief work or specific recognition of their landmarks. I didn't dread the coming of the 26th and 27th (negative pregnancy test and onset of bleeding) because I could thankfully focus on the Baby in the manger with joy this year and rejoicing in our own three living miracles...
So why did I wake up yesterday snappy at Joshua and picking a fight with Rick right off the bat? Why was the packing away of Christmas decorations such an emotional endeavor? Why did I spend the day wiping secret tears from my eyes in the solitude of the bathroom? Why did I have an explosion at my son in angry frustration as we were putting him to bed last night? Why did thoughts assault me all day that even though our other losses have been so early and we in pretty safe territory even if I had to deliver Jeremiah today, that there are still never any guarantees? "This can't be grief. I have too much to be thankful for. It's been too long."
Well after darkness fell and too many angry words had been spoken to my loved ones over insignificant events, I finally I admitted to Rick that I was missing Noel and very scared for Jeremiah. I broke down and sobbed and the cleansing tears melted away the accumulated stress of the day.
I didn't expect him to understand. I guess I anticipated he too would think it had been "too long" for me to need to revisit active grief. But he pulled me close and held me and asked, "So is that what's been going on today?! Why didn't you tell me???" I cried for me and Noel and Joel and Hannah. I cried out my fears for Jeremiah and the frustration of bedrest and contractions and all the unknowns of when true labor will hit, how it will happen and what outcome will unfold. I cried for Julie D. and her Christmas Eve Katie who went to Heaven 5 years ago. I cried for Traci G. and her Noel who just joined two big sisters in Heaven this Christmas, and for Jenny whose Joshua (one of three siblings to journey to Heaven this year) should have been due at the same time I am, and for Lois as she learns to accept her husband's plan above her own will, and for Rae as she seeks the joy of new life in the shadow of death, and for so many others who have known so much grief this year...
Not quite sure how I'm feeling today. Definitely better than yesterday. Grief shared is indeed grief divided and I was overwhelmed with the loving acceptance of Rick and my parents when I admitted to them (and myself) why I had been having such a rough day. The release of anxiety and hormones in that flood of tears certainly helped! I don't feel like I am living imprisoned to fear this pregnancy as I did with Joshua, but I still know that I have no promises beyond this moment. Pregnancy after loss can be such a bumpy ride!
Eleven years ago this morning, I woke up cramping and bleeding. It was one of the roughest periods of my life, both emotionally and physically. The negative pregnancy test the night before should have prepared me, but I was still devastated. I had been seeing my doctor for testing and was anticipating an ultrasound of a breast lump as soon as we got back home from visiting my parents for Christmas, so it had been an emotional month anyway. But it had seemed "different" in a hopeful way and I just couldn't quite let myself believe there had been no baby for yet another month - just over two years now since we had started out on this baby quest.
By the time of my doctor's appointment the following week, the large lump was completely gone and the breast ultrasound totally clear. The next 8 1/2 months my body refused to cycle. In the midst of all this, I shared with my doctor my suspicion that I had indeed been pregnant in December and she confirmed that she too suspected an early miscarriage. Late in coming and no solid medical "evidence" (proof of a positive hcg, etc.) but finally conformation that I was not crazy and "permission" to grieve the baby my heart had known all along, yet my mind had logically denied as "only a late period" for the past five months. As if on cue, knowing when I should have gone into labor, my period returned with a vengeance two weeks before my would-have-been due date.
It's been 11 years. The first few anniversaries were devastating with weeks of worry and anticipation building up to the dreaded due dates. Then came Joshua, our injectables/IUI miracle, born the very week but 5 years after his big sister, Noel Alexis, made her journey to Heaven. What a gift!
A year later we were just starting to "feel infertile" again as secondary infertility became a reality, only to find out mid-January that we had experienced the miracle of natural conception on New Year's Day... When Joel quickly followed Noel to Heaven, the reality that "this may not be so easy" was once again upon us with renewed grief. Hannah kissed my womb only a few months later, but she too was gone almost as quickly as she had come, leaving only a positive hpt and bittersweet tears as her legacy.
By the next Christmas, Noel's 7th in Heaven, we had gone 7 more months without conception, our miracle baby boy was turning two and we were preparing for the laparascopy I would have in January for endometriosis that had agressively returned. Rick was feeling our family complete, or maybe God was leading us toward adoption, and I was grieving that only 1 of our 4 precious babies was here to share this life with us.
As only God could do, the next Christmas found me a month from the delivery of our precious baby girl, Ruth! The laparscopy had turned into a 3 1/2 hour event and I had woken up to the news that we had less than 5% chance of ever conceiving again even with medical aid, and that even if we could conceive, my ability to carry was highly questionable. Though I spent the entire third trimester on bedrest, God carried our little girl to full term healthy birth against those odds.
Over the past two Christmases, I've sought contentment in the family we have been given, learning to trust God with my husband's decision that I had been through all the grief he wanted to watch me undergo and that our efforts to grow our family were done. Then God surprised us this past June to learn that He wasn't done growing our family, so this Christmas I sit 7 months pregnant, once again fighting ongoing contractions, bedrest and an irritable uterus, and finding myself surging with tearful hormones. I thought I was OK with where we had been, that this year infertility and grief were truly behind me. That Noel, and Joel and Hannah, while always a part of my heart, no longer demanded ongoing grief work or specific recognition of their landmarks. I didn't dread the coming of the 26th and 27th (negative pregnancy test and onset of bleeding) because I could thankfully focus on the Baby in the manger with joy this year and rejoicing in our own three living miracles...
So why did I wake up yesterday snappy at Joshua and picking a fight with Rick right off the bat? Why was the packing away of Christmas decorations such an emotional endeavor? Why did I spend the day wiping secret tears from my eyes in the solitude of the bathroom? Why did I have an explosion at my son in angry frustration as we were putting him to bed last night? Why did thoughts assault me all day that even though our other losses have been so early and we in pretty safe territory even if I had to deliver Jeremiah today, that there are still never any guarantees? "This can't be grief. I have too much to be thankful for. It's been too long."
Well after darkness fell and too many angry words had been spoken to my loved ones over insignificant events, I finally I admitted to Rick that I was missing Noel and very scared for Jeremiah. I broke down and sobbed and the cleansing tears melted away the accumulated stress of the day.
I didn't expect him to understand. I guess I anticipated he too would think it had been "too long" for me to need to revisit active grief. But he pulled me close and held me and asked, "So is that what's been going on today?! Why didn't you tell me???" I cried for me and Noel and Joel and Hannah. I cried out my fears for Jeremiah and the frustration of bedrest and contractions and all the unknowns of when true labor will hit, how it will happen and what outcome will unfold. I cried for Julie D. and her Christmas Eve Katie who went to Heaven 5 years ago. I cried for Traci G. and her Noel who just joined two big sisters in Heaven this Christmas, and for Jenny whose Joshua (one of three siblings to journey to Heaven this year) should have been due at the same time I am, and for Lois as she learns to accept her husband's plan above her own will, and for Rae as she seeks the joy of new life in the shadow of death, and for so many others who have known so much grief this year...
Not quite sure how I'm feeling today. Definitely better than yesterday. Grief shared is indeed grief divided and I was overwhelmed with the loving acceptance of Rick and my parents when I admitted to them (and myself) why I had been having such a rough day. The release of anxiety and hormones in that flood of tears certainly helped! I don't feel like I am living imprisoned to fear this pregnancy as I did with Joshua, but I still know that I have no promises beyond this moment. Pregnancy after loss can be such a bumpy ride!
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Meet me in Canada (Surrey, B.C.) on April 19, 2006
I am blessed to have been invited to record an interview with the Marriage Uncensored television program produced by Family Life of Canada. They are seeking people to fill a live studio audience in Surrey, B.C. (not too far from the border for those of you in Washington State) on April 19 from 6:30-8:30ish.
A Hannah's Prayer member who works at Family Life will be organizing a casual reception on the same day, probably around 1:00-3:00pm at a nearby location. Because I will have our newborn son with me, we aren't able to make this a child-free event, but I pray that many will still consider coming as I would love to meet you! If you interested in attending either the television recording or the reception, please e-mail Christie at christie@familylifecanada.com and she will keep you posted on the details.
If you live anywhere in B.C. or the U.S. Pacific Northwest, please be sure to read the following blog entry as well!
A Hannah's Prayer member who works at Family Life will be organizing a casual reception on the same day, probably around 1:00-3:00pm at a nearby location. Because I will have our newborn son with me, we aren't able to make this a child-free event, but I pray that many will still consider coming as I would love to meet you! If you interested in attending either the television recording or the reception, please e-mail Christie at christie@familylifecanada.com and she will keep you posted on the details.
If you live anywhere in B.C. or the U.S. Pacific Northwest, please be sure to read the following blog entry as well!
Speaking in Washington state in April, 2006
I will be speaking at a women's luncheon at First Baptist Church in Everett, Washington on Saturday, April 22. This event will be open to women in the community, Hannah's Prayer members and Hannah's Hope readers. The church website will have registration information available at a future date.
The topics will not be restricted to infertility, but I will be speaking on issues such as seeking God in waiting seasons and coping with prayers that seem to go unanswered. So that you are not unprepared, if all goes as planned, I will be bringing our 2-month-old son with me to this event (too far to travel without him) but my sister-in-law will be available to help care for him during while I'm speaking.
I will probably be in Washington state for about a week total (less the couple of days mid-visit to go up to Canada as you see in the above blog entry) and will be staying with my brother's family in Auburn. If anyone is interested in getting together while I'm there, please let me know. I'm not sure what I will have as far as transportation goes, but I would love to meet you if you are in the area. The best options for my schedule would to be meeting you either in Canada on the 19th or at the Everett lunch on the 22nd, but if you can't make either of these dates, please get in touch with me and see if we can figure out other options.
The topics will not be restricted to infertility, but I will be speaking on issues such as seeking God in waiting seasons and coping with prayers that seem to go unanswered. So that you are not unprepared, if all goes as planned, I will be bringing our 2-month-old son with me to this event (too far to travel without him) but my sister-in-law will be available to help care for him during while I'm speaking.
I will probably be in Washington state for about a week total (less the couple of days mid-visit to go up to Canada as you see in the above blog entry) and will be staying with my brother's family in Auburn. If anyone is interested in getting together while I'm there, please let me know. I'm not sure what I will have as far as transportation goes, but I would love to meet you if you are in the area. The best options for my schedule would to be meeting you either in Canada on the 19th or at the Everett lunch on the 22nd, but if you can't make either of these dates, please get in touch with me and see if we can figure out other options.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Why?
Here's another beautiful reflection from the heart of one of the ladies from Hannah's Prayer. Kara (age 26) and Derric (28) have been trying to conceive since August, 2000. He had a bilateral varicocele 3/03, she had a laparoscopy 5/04 finding stage 4 endometriosis, the two IUIs they did the summer of 2004 were unsucessful, and the IVF cycle they did in January 2005 yielded 2 babies born to Heaven: Isaiah Anthony-Shay and Moriah Faith(God is my teacher to trust, carried 14 weeks 5 days). An August IVF again brought about a positive pregnancy test, but Koen Job (brave afflicted one) was born to Heaven September 26, 2005 at 8 weeks. Fur babies (kittens) Sierra and Cindari are a daily comfort in a dark time.
Psalms 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
So for over five years I have been asking God WHY?
Why can't I have a baby?
Why can the drug addicted teenager have one?
Why can some women have 8 and I can't even have just one?
Why can't you be a little more fair in the gifts of children?
Why did you allow me to get preg when you took my babies away?
Why did you take my children who I love?
Why? Why? Why?
I have cried out to God so many times and just asked this question. Sometimes it is all I can say. I cannot fathom what the answer could be.
A few days ago I realized that I will never know until I get to heaven and ask God himself so asking over and over again is not going to get me to far. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Well meaning people say that it is all in God's plan and that there is a reason. Hmmmm. I don't think anyone could come up with a good reason for my children dying. No other child will replace my children in heaven.
We cannot control our circumstances. All I can do is make the best with what I have been given. God wants to see how I will respond to my circumstances but it doesn't mean He is happy I am in them. This fallen world will never be fair, I guess that is why it isn't heaven.
So I am going to start and ask myself and God different questions.
What?
What can I do here to be productive for my heavenly Father?
Who?
Who can I reach while I am here and help others who are hurting?
Where?
Where do you want us today?
When?
When do you want us to pursure more treatment or adoption?
Thanks for letting me share my new questions that are more possible to be answered here on earth. I am trying to rest in the fact that I will know why, just not this side of heaven.
(c) Copyright Kara Ungaro, 2005
Psalms 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
So for over five years I have been asking God WHY?
Why can't I have a baby?
Why can the drug addicted teenager have one?
Why can some women have 8 and I can't even have just one?
Why can't you be a little more fair in the gifts of children?
Why did you allow me to get preg when you took my babies away?
Why did you take my children who I love?
Why? Why? Why?
I have cried out to God so many times and just asked this question. Sometimes it is all I can say. I cannot fathom what the answer could be.
A few days ago I realized that I will never know until I get to heaven and ask God himself so asking over and over again is not going to get me to far. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Well meaning people say that it is all in God's plan and that there is a reason. Hmmmm. I don't think anyone could come up with a good reason for my children dying. No other child will replace my children in heaven.
We cannot control our circumstances. All I can do is make the best with what I have been given. God wants to see how I will respond to my circumstances but it doesn't mean He is happy I am in them. This fallen world will never be fair, I guess that is why it isn't heaven.
So I am going to start and ask myself and God different questions.
What?
What can I do here to be productive for my heavenly Father?
Who?
Who can I reach while I am here and help others who are hurting?
Where?
Where do you want us today?
When?
When do you want us to pursure more treatment or adoption?
Thanks for letting me share my new questions that are more possible to be answered here on earth. I am trying to rest in the fact that I will know why, just not this side of heaven.
(c) Copyright Kara Ungaro, 2005
Friday, October 21, 2005
Infertility and pregnancy/infant loss awareness dates
The entire month of October is designated as "Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month" next week (October 23-29, 2005) will be National Infertility Awareness Week.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day
Today is a special day to remember our beloved babies who await us in Heaven. More information http://www.october15th.com/
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
How Hannah Ministered to a Single "Woman In Waiting" (for a Husband)
I was engaged at 18 and married two weeks after my 20th birthday. I can relate to years of crying out to God in longing for a husband about as well as a woman who gets pregnant her first month trying to conceive and carries to term without a glitch can say "I know just how you feel!" to an infertile woman. Yet, though I do not know this experientially, I've always felt that the infertility journey must have many parallels to being single and longing for marriage. I can't say, "I understand," but my heart still is tender toward those longing not only for motherhood but for the closeness and fellowship of life partnership as well.
With this having been said, it is a blessing to me to begin hearing from single woman who have been blessed, challenged or encouraged by Hannah's story. I would like to share an excerpt of one such letter that shows how the active and living Word of God can have far-reaching effects. Shauna Bowman has been gracious enough to let me print her story:
Jennifer,
I probably should warn you this is a fan letter of sorts, for both you and Hannah. I just finished Hannah's Hope and I am so blessed, encouraged, impressed and inspired.
First of all, I think you are now my latest and greatest hero. I am so impressed with your work on your book and how many thousands of lives you have touched through your ministries. God truly knows how blessed I've been to find Hannah's Prayer. Having been unable to get a hold of anyone [at my local pregnancy loss support organization for Arizona], I don't know what I would do floundering on my own without HP.
There were so many things in the book that I found myself identifying with that I never expected. First off, I guess I should tell you where I'm coming from. I have an almost 2 year old boy and I just had a pretty nasty miscarriage -- you've responded to my posts, but I don't expect you to remember everybody here! I've never considered myself infertile, but I've always been a big fan of Hannah's.
In fact, when I was pregnant with my son, I was on bedrest for 2 months. Like you mentioned you did in the book, I started to journal through the Bible page by page for every mention of pregnancy. I got a lot of really encouraging material and last year I decided I should try to make a book out of it, maybe a devotional for pregnant women or something of the sort. I started writing quite a bit, but then when I got to Hannah last winter I just hit a block and have been stumped ever since. I think God had me hold off for several reasons, but losing my own baby has completely opened my eyes to a world of hurting women I never really acknowledged existed before.
I had identified with Hannah myself before though, but from a different angle. I was nearly 27 when I got married, not because I was too busy working on a career or I couldn't make a commitment, but because, in my estimation at the time, nobody wanted me. I now realize how awesome it is that God saved me for my precious husband (I can't imagine a better guy!), but those years of waiting and wondering if marriage and motherhood were not what God had in His plans for me were agonizing.
All I ever wanted was to be a mom, really, and here I was being denied the desire of my heart because I had no man to even make that a possibility. I suppose to most, 27 isn't really that old-- and in retrospect I'm so grateful for the life I had prior to getting married-- but I had been waiting so long, I'd pretty much given up hope. I'd even jokingly said, as a teenager, if I wasn't married (or at least had some serious prospects) by the time I was 25 I was going to hang myself. Well my 25th birthday came and went with no "prospects" and I was devastated. For some reason, that was the point of no return for me.
A few months later, my little sister (3 years younger) newly married came to me in a state of panic over her positive pregnancy test-- she was especially upset that she wouldn't be able to ride the "good rides" at Disneyland because she was now pregnant. I was even more devastated. I couldn't understand why everyone I knew and loved was being given this great blessing of marriage and family when I was being denied. So I got down on my knees and took Hannah's example and wept for a child (following a husband, of course). I had peace for a short time after that point and then a month and a half later Robert asked me out.
Anyway, I'm just mentioning all that to say I was amazed at how much in your book rang true to me in that stage of my life. I remember detesting Mother's Day every year of my twenties until I got married. Especially in my little churches, I'd often be lumped in with teenage girls because I was single while women younger than me got to sit at the "big girl" tables simply because they were married. (I even got demoted to the kid's table the first Thanksgiving after my sister got married so that there would be room for her husband.) Of course, there was always the default Bible study for people that didn't qualify for the married or mothers studies, but even that stung. I remember crying over my period-- I know it's no where near the pain of trying and being unable to conceive-- but it was just another reminder that I was alone.
Having said all that, now I'm 30. And just when I thought I could have learned all I could from Hannah, I had to give a child back to the Lord. It's been so hard, so much more than I could ever have imagined. So many things in your book that people say and that I feel coincide.
I'm so very grateful that you have written this book. I will be recommending the crud out of it. It's just amazing how God can really trade beauty for ashes... Thank you for being so willing to share.
God bless you!
Shauna
(c) Copyright Shauna Bowman, 2005
With this having been said, it is a blessing to me to begin hearing from single woman who have been blessed, challenged or encouraged by Hannah's story. I would like to share an excerpt of one such letter that shows how the active and living Word of God can have far-reaching effects. Shauna Bowman has been gracious enough to let me print her story:
Jennifer,
I probably should warn you this is a fan letter of sorts, for both you and Hannah. I just finished Hannah's Hope and I am so blessed, encouraged, impressed and inspired.
First of all, I think you are now my latest and greatest hero. I am so impressed with your work on your book and how many thousands of lives you have touched through your ministries. God truly knows how blessed I've been to find Hannah's Prayer. Having been unable to get a hold of anyone [at my local pregnancy loss support organization for Arizona], I don't know what I would do floundering on my own without HP.
There were so many things in the book that I found myself identifying with that I never expected. First off, I guess I should tell you where I'm coming from. I have an almost 2 year old boy and I just had a pretty nasty miscarriage -- you've responded to my posts, but I don't expect you to remember everybody here! I've never considered myself infertile, but I've always been a big fan of Hannah's.
In fact, when I was pregnant with my son, I was on bedrest for 2 months. Like you mentioned you did in the book, I started to journal through the Bible page by page for every mention of pregnancy. I got a lot of really encouraging material and last year I decided I should try to make a book out of it, maybe a devotional for pregnant women or something of the sort. I started writing quite a bit, but then when I got to Hannah last winter I just hit a block and have been stumped ever since. I think God had me hold off for several reasons, but losing my own baby has completely opened my eyes to a world of hurting women I never really acknowledged existed before.
I had identified with Hannah myself before though, but from a different angle. I was nearly 27 when I got married, not because I was too busy working on a career or I couldn't make a commitment, but because, in my estimation at the time, nobody wanted me. I now realize how awesome it is that God saved me for my precious husband (I can't imagine a better guy!), but those years of waiting and wondering if marriage and motherhood were not what God had in His plans for me were agonizing.
All I ever wanted was to be a mom, really, and here I was being denied the desire of my heart because I had no man to even make that a possibility. I suppose to most, 27 isn't really that old-- and in retrospect I'm so grateful for the life I had prior to getting married-- but I had been waiting so long, I'd pretty much given up hope. I'd even jokingly said, as a teenager, if I wasn't married (or at least had some serious prospects) by the time I was 25 I was going to hang myself. Well my 25th birthday came and went with no "prospects" and I was devastated. For some reason, that was the point of no return for me.
A few months later, my little sister (3 years younger) newly married came to me in a state of panic over her positive pregnancy test-- she was especially upset that she wouldn't be able to ride the "good rides" at Disneyland because she was now pregnant. I was even more devastated. I couldn't understand why everyone I knew and loved was being given this great blessing of marriage and family when I was being denied. So I got down on my knees and took Hannah's example and wept for a child (following a husband, of course). I had peace for a short time after that point and then a month and a half later Robert asked me out.
Anyway, I'm just mentioning all that to say I was amazed at how much in your book rang true to me in that stage of my life. I remember detesting Mother's Day every year of my twenties until I got married. Especially in my little churches, I'd often be lumped in with teenage girls because I was single while women younger than me got to sit at the "big girl" tables simply because they were married. (I even got demoted to the kid's table the first Thanksgiving after my sister got married so that there would be room for her husband.) Of course, there was always the default Bible study for people that didn't qualify for the married or mothers studies, but even that stung. I remember crying over my period-- I know it's no where near the pain of trying and being unable to conceive-- but it was just another reminder that I was alone.
Having said all that, now I'm 30. And just when I thought I could have learned all I could from Hannah, I had to give a child back to the Lord. It's been so hard, so much more than I could ever have imagined. So many things in your book that people say and that I feel coincide.
I'm so very grateful that you have written this book. I will be recommending the crud out of it. It's just amazing how God can really trade beauty for ashes... Thank you for being so willing to share.
God bless you!
Shauna
(c) Copyright Shauna Bowman, 2005
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
My baby would be 10-years-old
This past weekend was the 10-year anniversary of Noel's due date. Given my track record for early labor, she probably would have actually been born in August, but every "Labor Day" weekend I can't help but stop and reflect on the knowledge that I was due to have been "in labor" this weekend in 1995.
In fact, had we had gotten pregnant as quickly as we would have liked, I could have been a mother of a 12-year-old by now! Two neighborhood kids just celebrated their 10th birthdays this summer. The 12-year-old a street over is named Alexis (Noel's middle name). Ongoing reminders... These are the mind-boggling and continual losses of infertility. I am ever-so-thankful for the joy of mothering the precious children God has so graciously granted me here on earth, but as I raise preschoolers, my heart sometimes wanders to the "what ifs" and "could have beens" and I still grieve for what/who is not.
The crushing grief is not what it was 10 years ago when the anguish of loss was so fresh and our arms so very empty. The pain is not as sharp as it was even 6 1/2 years ago when we were still struggling through primary infertility. Or 4 years ago when we finally had a living child in our home but grieved the back-to-back losses of Joel and Hannah and the ongoing reality of secondary infertility. But even today, as a carry this new preious life within my womb, I must stop and recognize that grief has left a lifetime imprint on my heart.
Happy 10th birthday, our precious Noel Alexis. Mommy still misses you, Little One. I am so very thankful for the hope of Heaven.
Here is an article I recently wrote in reflection of another friend's loss:
In fact, had we had gotten pregnant as quickly as we would have liked, I could have been a mother of a 12-year-old by now! Two neighborhood kids just celebrated their 10th birthdays this summer. The 12-year-old a street over is named Alexis (Noel's middle name). Ongoing reminders... These are the mind-boggling and continual losses of infertility. I am ever-so-thankful for the joy of mothering the precious children God has so graciously granted me here on earth, but as I raise preschoolers, my heart sometimes wanders to the "what ifs" and "could have beens" and I still grieve for what/who is not.
The crushing grief is not what it was 10 years ago when the anguish of loss was so fresh and our arms so very empty. The pain is not as sharp as it was even 6 1/2 years ago when we were still struggling through primary infertility. Or 4 years ago when we finally had a living child in our home but grieved the back-to-back losses of Joel and Hannah and the ongoing reality of secondary infertility. But even today, as a carry this new preious life within my womb, I must stop and recognize that grief has left a lifetime imprint on my heart.
Happy 10th birthday, our precious Noel Alexis. Mommy still misses you, Little One. I am so very thankful for the hope of Heaven.
Here is an article I recently wrote in reflection of another friend's loss:
Seeing Face to Face
My baby died. I find myself clinging to the only comfort I can find in this sickening sea of grief - knowing that my child is safe, beyond the grasp of human frailty and pain. When I think of Heaven it is with new eagerness, with a longing to see my child’s face and hold him in my arms. I read that my focus in Heaven will be on worshiping the Lamb, but today my mother’s heart is too broken to even imagine this reality, for my longing is for my own “little lamb” for whom I eagerly await our reunion in Eternity. Today it feels like the “eternity” that separates us will never end, but I must trust that this earthly life is truly a vapor and that in the grand scheme of time, I will be with my precious child again very soon.
Had he lived to be 100-years-old here on this earth, I never could have fully conveyed to him my heart. But in the blink-of-an-eye that we did have together, how could he even begin to grasp my depth of love for him? Did he feel comfort and security in my womb? Did the sound of my voice ever ease his fears?
Does he know that he was wanted, yearned for, prayed for, eagerly anticipated? Does he know that I would have willingly traded my life in a heartbeat to spare his? From the glory of Heaven, does he retain even one memory of the brief blip that was his time on earth? Does he too await our reunion with anticipation?
While my head knows that my baby is probably so busy worshiping before the Throne to really “miss” me at all, I can’t help but put my human limitations on him when I dream of his life. My baby and I both have limited horizons, such narrow ability to grasp the other’s present reality. I am a prisoner to human emotion, bound by time, space and earthly perspective. He is impaired by an inability to grasp life outside the borderless, timeless, painless beauty of living in the presence of the Son. If faith is being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see, I must cling to that faith as my mind tries to grasp this awesome, unseen, unknown, unfathomable World that my baby now calls Home.
I want to imagine my child running to me with outstretched arms the moment I cross into Glory. I want to daydream that he is longing to see my face with even a fraction of the anticipation I feel when I think of seeing his. I want to delight at the thought of following my own precious “tour-guide” around those golden streets as we both revel in simply being together. And maybe these beautiful visions aren’t too far from reality, for Scripture does promise that we will know one another and fellowship There. But I wonder how much we will focus on the earthly bonds we once shared when we are in the presence of the King together, as co-heirs with Christ? I see it all as a poor reflection through cloudy glass right now. How I long to know what it will truly be like to know my child, even as I am fully known.
How does God perceive my Homecoming? Just as I crave to think of my baby in eagerness awaiting me at those Gates of Pearl, does the Lord long for my heightened anticipation of my first face-to-face meeting with my Father? Just as my baby “knew love” in the fullest manner a tiny infant possibly could, how far short of grasping the reality of His love for me does my heart fall? Perhaps my limited expectations of Heaven offer a better perspective on the realities of Eternity than I have stopped to realize before. For everything I am hoping and feeling and longing for in missing my baby, perhaps these reflect the feelings my Father has toward me.
Lord, help me to fully entrust my child to you, both in the present and in my hopes and dreams for our future together. You are the Author of life, of love, of family. You understand this mother’s heart and my longing to know my child and be fully known by him. Help me to more fully grasp your Father’s heart toward me as we await Reunion Day.
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
- 1 Corinthians 13:12
My baby died. I find myself clinging to the only comfort I can find in this sickening sea of grief - knowing that my child is safe, beyond the grasp of human frailty and pain. When I think of Heaven it is with new eagerness, with a longing to see my child’s face and hold him in my arms. I read that my focus in Heaven will be on worshiping the Lamb, but today my mother’s heart is too broken to even imagine this reality, for my longing is for my own “little lamb” for whom I eagerly await our reunion in Eternity. Today it feels like the “eternity” that separates us will never end, but I must trust that this earthly life is truly a vapor and that in the grand scheme of time, I will be with my precious child again very soon.
Had he lived to be 100-years-old here on this earth, I never could have fully conveyed to him my heart. But in the blink-of-an-eye that we did have together, how could he even begin to grasp my depth of love for him? Did he feel comfort and security in my womb? Did the sound of my voice ever ease his fears?
Does he know that he was wanted, yearned for, prayed for, eagerly anticipated? Does he know that I would have willingly traded my life in a heartbeat to spare his? From the glory of Heaven, does he retain even one memory of the brief blip that was his time on earth? Does he too await our reunion with anticipation?
While my head knows that my baby is probably so busy worshiping before the Throne to really “miss” me at all, I can’t help but put my human limitations on him when I dream of his life. My baby and I both have limited horizons, such narrow ability to grasp the other’s present reality. I am a prisoner to human emotion, bound by time, space and earthly perspective. He is impaired by an inability to grasp life outside the borderless, timeless, painless beauty of living in the presence of the Son. If faith is being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see, I must cling to that faith as my mind tries to grasp this awesome, unseen, unknown, unfathomable World that my baby now calls Home.
I want to imagine my child running to me with outstretched arms the moment I cross into Glory. I want to daydream that he is longing to see my face with even a fraction of the anticipation I feel when I think of seeing his. I want to delight at the thought of following my own precious “tour-guide” around those golden streets as we both revel in simply being together. And maybe these beautiful visions aren’t too far from reality, for Scripture does promise that we will know one another and fellowship There. But I wonder how much we will focus on the earthly bonds we once shared when we are in the presence of the King together, as co-heirs with Christ? I see it all as a poor reflection through cloudy glass right now. How I long to know what it will truly be like to know my child, even as I am fully known.
How does God perceive my Homecoming? Just as I crave to think of my baby in eagerness awaiting me at those Gates of Pearl, does the Lord long for my heightened anticipation of my first face-to-face meeting with my Father? Just as my baby “knew love” in the fullest manner a tiny infant possibly could, how far short of grasping the reality of His love for me does my heart fall? Perhaps my limited expectations of Heaven offer a better perspective on the realities of Eternity than I have stopped to realize before. For everything I am hoping and feeling and longing for in missing my baby, perhaps these reflect the feelings my Father has toward me.
Lord, help me to fully entrust my child to you, both in the present and in my hopes and dreams for our future together. You are the Author of life, of love, of family. You understand this mother’s heart and my longing to know my child and be fully known by him. Help me to more fully grasp your Father’s heart toward me as we await Reunion Day.
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
- 1 Corinthians 13:12
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Infertility Poem by Shanda Springfield
One of my readers, Shanda Springfield, recently emailed me this beautiful poem written from the depths of the heart of a mother waiting for her arms to be filled. Shanda, thank you for putting so many of our feelings to words. I pray this peom will bless all of you as it did me:
My heart cries out in anguish
For the child I haven't conceived
Why do I feel such sorrow,
How can I be so grieved?
Like a part of me is missing
Yet it was never even here,
I always thought it was time
To hold my child so dear.
I lie awake most nights
Pondering how it should be,
"By my age," I always said,
"I'll have two or three."
Life never seems to turn out
The way I want it to
But I know God's plan is perfect,
And his love forever true.
There are still those who criticize
And tell me all I'm doing wrong,
I'm learning to ignore them,
They will not steal my song.
I have faith in God
I believe his will is best,
But still I am human
And go through many tests.
With all this said, I pray today,
"Not my will, but thine,
I am only a branch,
But, Lord, you are the vine."
by: Shanda Springfield
May 25, 2005
Shanda hopes to start up an infertility support group in Monroe, Louisiana in October, 2005. For more information, email Shanda at springer1222@bellsouth.net.
My heart cries out in anguish
For the child I haven't conceived
Why do I feel such sorrow,
How can I be so grieved?
Like a part of me is missing
Yet it was never even here,
I always thought it was time
To hold my child so dear.
I lie awake most nights
Pondering how it should be,
"By my age," I always said,
"I'll have two or three."
Life never seems to turn out
The way I want it to
But I know God's plan is perfect,
And his love forever true.
There are still those who criticize
And tell me all I'm doing wrong,
I'm learning to ignore them,
They will not steal my song.
I have faith in God
I believe his will is best,
But still I am human
And go through many tests.
With all this said, I pray today,
"Not my will, but thine,
I am only a branch,
But, Lord, you are the vine."
by: Shanda Springfield
May 25, 2005
Shanda hopes to start up an infertility support group in Monroe, Louisiana in October, 2005. For more information, email Shanda at springer1222@bellsouth.net.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Memorial ideas for your baby in Heaven
I don't know the personal background of each website and what they all stand for (so I can't promise that there might not be some New Age kind of information, etc. on a few), but some of
the products are pretty special on each site. If you need a special memorial keepsake for your baby, I pray that you will find just the right thing to comfort your heart.
Preciouas Feet company
A Place to Remember
Quiet Refuge
BestToYou - try different searches such as "tear," "heart," or "comfort." Also see the general
jewelry links.
http://thedabblingmum.com/grief/store/jewelry.htm
http://www.shininglightfund.org/
http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/pil/archive-remembering.htm
http://www.labelledame.com/fertility-jewelry.html#mc
http://www.healingbaskets.com/miscarriage-baby-loss-gifts-1.htm
Another idea would be those "kid" necklace charms for a mother's necklace. Rick bought me one last year for Christmas and I have charms for my two living kids as well as charms for each of our three miscarried babies. Mine are all regular "kid" charms, but when we did a grandmother necklace for my mom, I actually found "angel" charms to represent my miscarried
babies (not that I think they are angels because I know they are still people, but simply to represent that they are in Heaven rather than on earth). Mervyn's carries theses and J.C.Penneys used to. I believe other stores do as well.
the products are pretty special on each site. If you need a special memorial keepsake for your baby, I pray that you will find just the right thing to comfort your heart.
Preciouas Feet company
A Place to Remember
Quiet Refuge
BestToYou - try different searches such as "tear," "heart," or "comfort." Also see the general
jewelry links.
http://thedabblingmum.com/grief/store/jewelry.htm
http://www.shininglightfund.org/
http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/pil/archive-remembering.htm
http://www.labelledame.com/fertility-jewelry.html#mc
http://www.healingbaskets.com/miscarriage-baby-loss-gifts-1.htm
Another idea would be those "kid" necklace charms for a mother's necklace. Rick bought me one last year for Christmas and I have charms for my two living kids as well as charms for each of our three miscarried babies. Mine are all regular "kid" charms, but when we did a grandmother necklace for my mom, I actually found "angel" charms to represent my miscarried
babies (not that I think they are angels because I know they are still people, but simply to represent that they are in Heaven rather than on earth). Mervyn's carries theses and J.C.Penneys used to. I believe other stores do as well.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Celebrating 13 years of marriage (and miscarriage resources for husbands)
We are headed out of town for our 13 wedding anniversary this weekend. What a long-short time it has been! Rick's been part of my life for nearly half of my lifetime now (will be exactly half in another 3 years) and it's hard to remember life without him. So much has happened over the years that it doesn't seem possible it has only been 13 since we said our vows. And yet, I can go back to the memories of our wedding day in a heartbeat, and it seems just as impossible that we have actually been married for so long!
Thinking of my wonderful husband today, I wanted to share some resources for men who are trying to cope with miscarriage. There is a short little booklet, not specifically Christian based but one I found pretty good, called Miscarriage: A Man's Book. There is also a list of books For the Father Whose Wife Had a Miscarriage on Amazon - I don't know about every book on the list, but some are definitely Christian titles. You might want to read through the reviews and see if there are any that seem of interest.
The site was down when I just tried to access it, so I don't know if they are still around or not, but there used to be a group (again, not specifically Christian, but still a good place for support) called StillFathers for men who were the fathers of stillborn and miscarried babies. You might give this link a few tries in the coming days and see if they are still around.
Hannah's Prayer also offers a small email group for Christian men coping with infertility. If you are the husband of a woman involved in the HP Community Forums message boards, feel free to join HP Husbands.
I know this isn't much by way of support, but unfortunately there isn't a lot out there. Please, if you know of other helpful resources for men, share them in the Comments section below!
Thinking of my wonderful husband today, I wanted to share some resources for men who are trying to cope with miscarriage. There is a short little booklet, not specifically Christian based but one I found pretty good, called Miscarriage: A Man's Book. There is also a list of books For the Father Whose Wife Had a Miscarriage on Amazon - I don't know about every book on the list, but some are definitely Christian titles. You might want to read through the reviews and see if there are any that seem of interest.
The site was down when I just tried to access it, so I don't know if they are still around or not, but there used to be a group (again, not specifically Christian, but still a good place for support) called StillFathers for men who were the fathers of stillborn and miscarried babies. You might give this link a few tries in the coming days and see if they are still around.
Hannah's Prayer also offers a small email group for Christian men coping with infertility. If you are the husband of a woman involved in the HP Community Forums message boards, feel free to join HP Husbands.
I know this isn't much by way of support, but unfortunately there isn't a lot out there. Please, if you know of other helpful resources for men, share them in the Comments section below!
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Resources for Support Groups
Sorry to have missed another week's blog. We had out of town company and I just let it slide while enjoying my sister-in-law and nephews. :) While we are now all passing a nasty little tummy bug around the family, I finally have a chance to get back online a bit.
I received an email a couple weeks ago asking a pretty common question. "How do I start a local support group?" After composing an answer for this woman, I decided that this might be good information to post here for anyone else who is looking. If you know of other helpful resources, please don't hesitate to add them to the comments section! For anyone considering allowing God to take your heartache and use you to His glory in reaching out to others, I praise God for giving you this heart's desire. A basic article on starting/running infertility support groups is here.
At Laura's adoption blog you will find a lot of great information compiled by a woman who has successfully led an adoption/infertility ministry. As it is very adoption-focused, it may not all apply to your situation, but you can probably glean a lot of great ideas. Scroll down a bit, just below all the category links to where you find "Laura's picks" then a blurb on my book...keep reading from there and you will find so much!
If you call Stepping Stones at 1-800-613-3188 and request back newsletter number SS.957.NL(Finding Support) there is very helpful basic information here. As you get started, be sure to also register your group with Stepping Stones so they can add you to their contact list.
As always, I highly recommend the book The Ache for a Child by Debra Bridwell. While it is now out of print, it is still available through sites like Amazon.com. (I've also created a list of my favorite infertility and loss books on Amazon if you are interested in this resource.) Debra helped start a very successful infertility support group out in California years ago and there are many references to this group in her book.
If your group is going to be church-based, I encourage you to start by looking at the biggest "pain trigger" issues within your own church then brainstorming with a few other couples about the best way to balance these needs. For example, if your church does monthly baby dedications but also offers Sunday School classes running in conjunction with service times, might baby dedication Sundays be good days to offer special support group meeting days? One church that seems to have a really neat infertility ministry is Watermark Community - I've not talked to the leaders directly, but their website is impressive.
Another great model for grief support is the GriefShare organization.
And while dealing with a whole different topic (chronic pain and health issues), many of the methods used by the Rest Ministries Hope Keepers groups can be very helpful in planning and organizing your group as well.
I look forward to seeing what God does with your willing hearts! If you are starting (or already running) a group in your area, I would love to know about it. Please add details about your group to the "comments" below so that other blog visitors can connect with you. Also, be sure to stop by the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums and join us in the support group forum under the "leadership" section of the message boards.
I received an email a couple weeks ago asking a pretty common question. "How do I start a local support group?" After composing an answer for this woman, I decided that this might be good information to post here for anyone else who is looking. If you know of other helpful resources, please don't hesitate to add them to the comments section! For anyone considering allowing God to take your heartache and use you to His glory in reaching out to others, I praise God for giving you this heart's desire. A basic article on starting/running infertility support groups is here.
At Laura's adoption blog you will find a lot of great information compiled by a woman who has successfully led an adoption/infertility ministry. As it is very adoption-focused, it may not all apply to your situation, but you can probably glean a lot of great ideas. Scroll down a bit, just below all the category links to where you find "Laura's picks" then a blurb on my book...keep reading from there and you will find so much!
If you call Stepping Stones at 1-800-613-3188 and request back newsletter number SS.957.NL(Finding Support) there is very helpful basic information here. As you get started, be sure to also register your group with Stepping Stones so they can add you to their contact list.
As always, I highly recommend the book The Ache for a Child by Debra Bridwell. While it is now out of print, it is still available through sites like Amazon.com. (I've also created a list of my favorite infertility and loss books on Amazon if you are interested in this resource.) Debra helped start a very successful infertility support group out in California years ago and there are many references to this group in her book.
If your group is going to be church-based, I encourage you to start by looking at the biggest "pain trigger" issues within your own church then brainstorming with a few other couples about the best way to balance these needs. For example, if your church does monthly baby dedications but also offers Sunday School classes running in conjunction with service times, might baby dedication Sundays be good days to offer special support group meeting days? One church that seems to have a really neat infertility ministry is Watermark Community - I've not talked to the leaders directly, but their website is impressive.
Another great model for grief support is the GriefShare organization.
And while dealing with a whole different topic (chronic pain and health issues), many of the methods used by the Rest Ministries Hope Keepers groups can be very helpful in planning and organizing your group as well.
I look forward to seeing what God does with your willing hearts! If you are starting (or already running) a group in your area, I would love to know about it. Please add details about your group to the "comments" below so that other blog visitors can connect with you. Also, be sure to stop by the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums and join us in the support group forum under the "leadership" section of the message boards.
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