On the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums I am posting monthly devotionals based on various chapters of Hannah's Hope. Here's the 7th in this series.
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Two Hearts Beating As One...Sometimes," chapter seven of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" - 1 Samuel 1:8 (NIV)
Unlike my husband, I found that infertility defined me. Someone would ask, "What do you do?" and Rick would answer with a description about his job, while I hoped no one would aim the same question my direction. "Stay-at-home-mom" was a socially acceptable answer. "Stay-at-home non-mom" never went over as well...
Infertility can feel like being caught in a burning house. The two of you run in different directions, tripping into and over each other, trying to escape the terror. As the suffocating heat closes around you, part of the panic comes from the lack of assurance that you are still together in this darkness.
While their barrenness was beyond the control of either Elkanah or Hannah, God ordained Elkanah to guide his family through the process. The apostle Paul give this admonition: "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything" (Eph. 5:22-24).
I know submission can be an unsettling concept. Since sin first entered the world with Adam and Eve, it's been hard for women to let men lead. As a direct result of our sin nature, we have an impulsive drive to run the show. While my desires often conflict with Rick's God set him in authority over our family... When my doctor presents a medical course that offers me hope, it is hard to hold back when Rick gives a flat-out no, or even when he wants to just take time to prayerfully seek more answers. But my marriage vows are to my husband, not to my doctor or anyone else!
Does this mean that my husband's decisions are always the "correct" ones? Not necessarily. But I am called to trust God by allowing my husband to lead me, even in the face of his very human fallibility. I challenge you to allow your husband to take the leadership role in your fertility journey. In the struggle to "have a family," it can be so easy to forget that as husband and wife we already are a family. It is important never to lose sight of this fact. While the desperation might make it feel otherwise, our marriage relationships truly must remain higher priorities than having babies.
Thoughts to Ponder:
What most attracted you to your spouse in the beginning? Why did you marry? What do you most desire about your partner? What joint activities bring you the most shared pleasure? If these answers don't readily spring to mind, it has been too long since you shared a common heartbeat. Sit down and list your answers on paper, then pursue ways to add to your list of joys together.
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham... You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear - 1 Peter 3:5-6 (NIV)
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the man you have given me to share my life with. While there are times I just feel like he doesn't "get it" or can't understand my depth of grief, thank you for the checks and balances of emotions and rational thinking between us. Thank you that even though he is not perfect (nor am I!) I can trust you to guide us through him when I step aside and allow him to lead. Thank you for the times I can lean on his strength to take the next step in our journey and his sanity to hold back when I might blindly rush ahead of your plan.
Help me to remember to keep our marriage a priority when this baby quest becomes too all-consuming. And thank you for your grace to bring our hearts back together at seasons we seem far apart. For my sisters without their husbands, due to divorce, widowhood, emotional/spiritual disconnection, or even separations such as military deployment, I pray your extra strength, comfort and grace upon their hearts tonight. You promise to be a father to the fatherless and a husband to women alone. Please be all of that to my hurting friends tonight.
And daily, Lord, please be preparing me more and more to be your Bride, ready to stand before you, spotless and blameless because of the blood of your Son, in whose name we pray, Amen!
Friday, August 31, 2007
How Long Does It Hurt?
On the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums I am posting monthly devotionals based on various chapters of Hannah's Hope. Here's the 6th in this series.
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "How Long Does It Hurt?," chapter six of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. - 1 Samuel1:7 (NIV)
Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days... So his father wept for him. Genesis 37:34-35 (NIV)
Culture dictated this time of feasting, yet Hannah found herself observing an unplanned fast. Bitter, salty tears didn't mix well with the food Elkanah lovingly provided. Why bother feeding a body that had failed her, anyway? As for her heart, did she really want it to continue beating if it would only be an ongoing target for Peninnah's brutality? Deeply depressed, she could nourish her spirit only with tears. The very thought of food was repulsive... Would this parching thirst of her soul never end?
Infertility provides many decision crisis points: If we buy the larger home in hopes of filling it, will empty rooms seem much too empty in the interim (or if they never do have inhabitants)? But if we buy smaller while knowingly trying to grow our family, might we regret such a decision very quickly, should children come sooner rather than later? Or can we even think of buying a house at all, when medical aid and adoption can be so costly?
The loss of a child brings even more quandaries. When a hoped-for adoption or early pregnancy suddenly is no more. do we tell the world or grieve in silence? When a child shared our home and hearts, even for a brief time, how do we cope when she is gone? "Dare we try ever again, after having our hearts ripped out?" No one expects to need to make choices such as "Should we cremate or buy a burial plot?"
It can seem that all decisions either become rooted in or somehow always circle back to "the baby thing." How can I get out of bed this morning, brush my teeth, and go through the motions of normal life when my life is anything but normal? No matter how seemingly unrelated to my parenthood journey, anything that stirred up my emotions invariably led me back to my deepest pain: how much I missed our babies, how much I wanted to be a mommy to living children. I felt useless without being able to accomplish my one greatest goal in life. I felt lonely and unfulfilled. It all seemed so unfair...
The loss of a child, either a unique individual or the child who may never be, though he has filled your hopes and dreams of a lifetime, is not something you ever fully "get over." Just as Jacob, after being told of his son's death, could not imagine life ever again without tears, you may be in the darkest days of grief right now. How long will it hurt? In some sense, forever.
Grief ebbs and flows. With time and by the Lord's grace, there will come a day when you surprise yourself by hearing your own laughter again. "Even in laughter the heart may ache" (Prov. 14:13), but when that day comes, there is no need to feel guilt in experiencing moments of joy.
I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13(NIV)
Dear Lord,
Grief is such a strange creature. Sometimes when I most expect to grieve, I end up handling things fine. And other times the silliest little things trip me up and send me for a tail-spin. While I don't understand this journey, thank you that You promise to never leave me nor forsake me in the midst of this pain. When I'm hurting with such intensity I can't believe I will ever survive, you are right there sharing in my tears and anguish. And when those long-distant rays of joy finally begin to sooth my aching heart, you celebrate with me as you embrace me with Your amazing comfort.
In the Name of Your Son, Jesus Christ,
Amen
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "How Long Does It Hurt?," chapter six of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. - 1 Samuel1:7 (NIV)
Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days... So his father wept for him. Genesis 37:34-35 (NIV)
Culture dictated this time of feasting, yet Hannah found herself observing an unplanned fast. Bitter, salty tears didn't mix well with the food Elkanah lovingly provided. Why bother feeding a body that had failed her, anyway? As for her heart, did she really want it to continue beating if it would only be an ongoing target for Peninnah's brutality? Deeply depressed, she could nourish her spirit only with tears. The very thought of food was repulsive... Would this parching thirst of her soul never end?
Infertility provides many decision crisis points: If we buy the larger home in hopes of filling it, will empty rooms seem much too empty in the interim (or if they never do have inhabitants)? But if we buy smaller while knowingly trying to grow our family, might we regret such a decision very quickly, should children come sooner rather than later? Or can we even think of buying a house at all, when medical aid and adoption can be so costly?
The loss of a child brings even more quandaries. When a hoped-for adoption or early pregnancy suddenly is no more. do we tell the world or grieve in silence? When a child shared our home and hearts, even for a brief time, how do we cope when she is gone? "Dare we try ever again, after having our hearts ripped out?" No one expects to need to make choices such as "Should we cremate or buy a burial plot?"
It can seem that all decisions either become rooted in or somehow always circle back to "the baby thing." How can I get out of bed this morning, brush my teeth, and go through the motions of normal life when my life is anything but normal? No matter how seemingly unrelated to my parenthood journey, anything that stirred up my emotions invariably led me back to my deepest pain: how much I missed our babies, how much I wanted to be a mommy to living children. I felt useless without being able to accomplish my one greatest goal in life. I felt lonely and unfulfilled. It all seemed so unfair...
The loss of a child, either a unique individual or the child who may never be, though he has filled your hopes and dreams of a lifetime, is not something you ever fully "get over." Just as Jacob, after being told of his son's death, could not imagine life ever again without tears, you may be in the darkest days of grief right now. How long will it hurt? In some sense, forever.
Grief ebbs and flows. With time and by the Lord's grace, there will come a day when you surprise yourself by hearing your own laughter again. "Even in laughter the heart may ache" (Prov. 14:13), but when that day comes, there is no need to feel guilt in experiencing moments of joy.
I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13(NIV)
Dear Lord,
Grief is such a strange creature. Sometimes when I most expect to grieve, I end up handling things fine. And other times the silliest little things trip me up and send me for a tail-spin. While I don't understand this journey, thank you that You promise to never leave me nor forsake me in the midst of this pain. When I'm hurting with such intensity I can't believe I will ever survive, you are right there sharing in my tears and anguish. And when those long-distant rays of joy finally begin to sooth my aching heart, you celebrate with me as you embrace me with Your amazing comfort.
In the Name of Your Son, Jesus Christ,
Amen
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Encouragement for Those New to Infertility
I wrote this little note on the Hannah's Prayer message boards last fall. As it still continues to receive comments, it seems that it is a message many need to hear. If you are realitively new to the world of infertility, this is for you.
If you are feeling overwhelmed and bewildered by all these emotions, scared by the "alaphabet soup" of infertility's medical jargon (pct, HSG, hCG, IUI, IVF, ICSI...)or simply lost in the surprising depth of grief this journey can bring, I just want to tell you that you are not alone.
Everyone's timeline for processing this experience is different, but for me it was the first 6-18 months of our journey were the most devistating. I would hear of someone who had been struggling for years to have children and panic at the thought that if my heart was already so crushed "only" a year into our wait, that I would not physically/emotionally/mentally/spiritually survive that long.
If this is where you are today, I want to encourage you to look to the Lord for your strength for this day, for the hope, help and grace to survive this moment. You do not know God's plans. He may have a long path through infertility ahead of you (and if He does, He will be faithful to walk along side you through it), or your journey through barrenness might be comparatively a rather short one.
Like Peter who called to Christ to let him walk on the water, then took His eyes off Jesus and looked instead to the crashing waves, when I tried to look/guess/worry too far into the future, I floundered and felt like I would drownd. So my encouragement is simply this:
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
- Matthew 6:33-34 (NIV)
As you adjust to the shock and learn coping skills, you will not always feel the deep darkness of grief so closely suffocating in around you. Yes, as your journey continues, you will still have painful seasons, and some especially hard days, but you will also learn and grow and gain confidence in the way God calls you to walk through this grief. Jesus Himself "was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering" (Isaiah 53). We could have no better companion to hold us through this journey than Him!
If you are feeling overwhelmed and bewildered by all these emotions, scared by the "alaphabet soup" of infertility's medical jargon (pct, HSG, hCG, IUI, IVF, ICSI...)or simply lost in the surprising depth of grief this journey can bring, I just want to tell you that you are not alone.
Everyone's timeline for processing this experience is different, but for me it was the first 6-18 months of our journey were the most devistating. I would hear of someone who had been struggling for years to have children and panic at the thought that if my heart was already so crushed "only" a year into our wait, that I would not physically/emotionally/mentally/spiritually survive that long.
If this is where you are today, I want to encourage you to look to the Lord for your strength for this day, for the hope, help and grace to survive this moment. You do not know God's plans. He may have a long path through infertility ahead of you (and if He does, He will be faithful to walk along side you through it), or your journey through barrenness might be comparatively a rather short one.
Like Peter who called to Christ to let him walk on the water, then took His eyes off Jesus and looked instead to the crashing waves, when I tried to look/guess/worry too far into the future, I floundered and felt like I would drownd. So my encouragement is simply this:
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
- Matthew 6:33-34 (NIV)
As you adjust to the shock and learn coping skills, you will not always feel the deep darkness of grief so closely suffocating in around you. Yes, as your journey continues, you will still have painful seasons, and some especially hard days, but you will also learn and grow and gain confidence in the way God calls you to walk through this grief. Jesus Himself "was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering" (Isaiah 53). We could have no better companion to hold us through this journey than Him!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Put Yourself In My Shoes Before Your Put Your Foot In Your Mouth
On the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums I am posting monthly devotionals based on various chapters of Hannah's Hope. Here's the 5th in this series.
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Put Yourself in My Shoes (Before You Put Your Foot In Your Mouth)," chapter five of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. - 1 Samuel1:6 (NIV)
I have become a laughingstock to my friends, though I called upon God and He answered - a mere laughingstock, though righteous and blameless! Job 12:4 (NIV)
We know of Hannah's misery, but we don't know much about Peninnah. I believe she had unfulfilled desires too. It is obvious that her fertility did not earn her first place in her husband's heart. Maybe Peninnah turned her bitterness outward, much as I did with my yearning for motherhood. The barbs she tossed at Hannah may well have been thorns thrown in self-defense. Flaunting her fertility could have been the only way Peninnah knew how to cope with her own broken heart. (see Psalm 73:21-22)
While, sadly, there are a few vindictive individuals who may set out to intentionally use my grief against me as Peninnah did to Hannah, most scenarios that bring me pain are neither premeditated nor spiteful. It is easy to believe everyone is out to hurt me, when in fact most people are either unaware of my sorrow or honestly wanting to say and do the "right" thing. People who haven't walked in these shoes have no idea of the depths to which we grieve and experience anger and hopelessness. It's no wonder their comments and behaviors can often seem insensitive or downright clueless.
I have to remind myself that the outside perspective is one of innocence. My own perceptions were also much different before I walked this road. I try to remember times when I have hurt hearts with statements or actions that unintentionally inflicted pain. Like the time I blurted out the figure of speech, "I just about had a heart attack" (indicating my great surprise over an event) twice in the same conversation with a friend who had father's heart-related death. (I'm so sorry, Julie!) Each time I instantly wanted to chew off my own tongue for the poor choice of words. Yet not knowing the right words to say, compounded by embarrassment over ones I had used, I just stumbled my way right on through my story, not even stopping to admit my insensitive tread on her tender heart.
When a friend says or does something that seems less than supportive, I can step back and ask the Lord how He might want to use me to encourage her and seek His grace to love her in spite of the heartache she causes. There are always going to be specific time (like when my hormones are a mess), places, or people that get under my skin, even when I try to seek the Lord's guidance. Some days the Lord-love-her-through-me approach is easier than others, but overall this strategy saves a lot of unneeded self-pity. When I pray for someone who causes me pain, God can bring surprising blessings as a result.
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Psalm 73:21-22 (NIV)
Dear Lord,
Sometimes my heart feels so crushed that it is hard to see beyond my own grief. I take things personally when there is probably no harm intended and I ache so much! Please help me to be able to see the loving intent behind carelessly worded conversations, and give me grace to return love in situations where my heart seems senselessly trampled.
For that one person (you know exactly who I'm thinking of here Father) who has such a knack for intentionally getting under my skin and poking at the most raw and tender parts of my spirit, help me to love her through your strength. Open my eyes to the hidden heartache she herself might carry, and teach me to be a blessing in her life rather than letting me become a brute beast in return.
Thank you that you are the trustworthy Friend I can always turn to and that you love me unconditionally.
In the name of your Son, Jesus Christ,
The One who promises to be closer than a brother,
Amen
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Put Yourself in My Shoes (Before You Put Your Foot In Your Mouth)," chapter five of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. - 1 Samuel1:6 (NIV)
I have become a laughingstock to my friends, though I called upon God and He answered - a mere laughingstock, though righteous and blameless! Job 12:4 (NIV)
We know of Hannah's misery, but we don't know much about Peninnah. I believe she had unfulfilled desires too. It is obvious that her fertility did not earn her first place in her husband's heart. Maybe Peninnah turned her bitterness outward, much as I did with my yearning for motherhood. The barbs she tossed at Hannah may well have been thorns thrown in self-defense. Flaunting her fertility could have been the only way Peninnah knew how to cope with her own broken heart. (see Psalm 73:21-22)
While, sadly, there are a few vindictive individuals who may set out to intentionally use my grief against me as Peninnah did to Hannah, most scenarios that bring me pain are neither premeditated nor spiteful. It is easy to believe everyone is out to hurt me, when in fact most people are either unaware of my sorrow or honestly wanting to say and do the "right" thing. People who haven't walked in these shoes have no idea of the depths to which we grieve and experience anger and hopelessness. It's no wonder their comments and behaviors can often seem insensitive or downright clueless.
I have to remind myself that the outside perspective is one of innocence. My own perceptions were also much different before I walked this road. I try to remember times when I have hurt hearts with statements or actions that unintentionally inflicted pain. Like the time I blurted out the figure of speech, "I just about had a heart attack" (indicating my great surprise over an event) twice in the same conversation with a friend who had father's heart-related death. (I'm so sorry, Julie!) Each time I instantly wanted to chew off my own tongue for the poor choice of words. Yet not knowing the right words to say, compounded by embarrassment over ones I had used, I just stumbled my way right on through my story, not even stopping to admit my insensitive tread on her tender heart.
When a friend says or does something that seems less than supportive, I can step back and ask the Lord how He might want to use me to encourage her and seek His grace to love her in spite of the heartache she causes. There are always going to be specific time (like when my hormones are a mess), places, or people that get under my skin, even when I try to seek the Lord's guidance. Some days the Lord-love-her-through-me approach is easier than others, but overall this strategy saves a lot of unneeded self-pity. When I pray for someone who causes me pain, God can bring surprising blessings as a result.
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Psalm 73:21-22 (NIV)
Dear Lord,
Sometimes my heart feels so crushed that it is hard to see beyond my own grief. I take things personally when there is probably no harm intended and I ache so much! Please help me to be able to see the loving intent behind carelessly worded conversations, and give me grace to return love in situations where my heart seems senselessly trampled.
For that one person (you know exactly who I'm thinking of here Father) who has such a knack for intentionally getting under my skin and poking at the most raw and tender parts of my spirit, help me to love her through your strength. Open my eyes to the hidden heartache she herself might carry, and teach me to be a blessing in her life rather than letting me become a brute beast in return.
Thank you that you are the trustworthy Friend I can always turn to and that you love me unconditionally.
In the name of your Son, Jesus Christ,
The One who promises to be closer than a brother,
Amen
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Christian Woman's Blog
In an effort to reach more women with news of Hannah's Hope as a resource, I have just joined the Christian Women Online Blog Ring. Please note that many of these blogs may reference motherhood and living children on a regular basis.
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Monday, June 18, 2007
God's Umbrella
I've met a special friend in the Shoutlife community. From Hollye's website I found a link to her sweet article on surviving infertility and miscarriage entitled God's Umbrella. I pray it is a blessing to you.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Reflecting on William
I don't think of Will too often any more. I guess it is easier not to. But after calling to wish my nephew a happy 11th birthday, the memories came flooding back...
It was this week, 11 years ago, that I spent 24 mostly-sleepless hours with a friend who was scared and alone in the midst of a medical crisis in her 8th month of pregnancy. She had had no prenatal care, so I witnessed her first ultrasound and learned with her that her child, I hoped our child, was a son. Through that long day and night and into the next day, we talked of plans and dreams and her hopes for this baby's life.
At the end of it all I went home, emotionally and physically exhausted, carrying with me the news that we were not to be his parents afterall. I went home to a mass email birth announcement from my brother along with 30-some congratulatory emails that were "reply to all". It was the day before Father's Day. It was all just too much. I fell apart!
A month later we were back in that same hospital, setting our own dreams aside to again offer support to this woman whom God had placed in our lives, as she placed our longed-for child in the arms of his new parents. It was one of the hardest things God ever called me to do, especially knowing that his parents were not Christians.
I don't think of Will too often any more. But at time like this, when the memories come uninvited, I take it as a call to pray. Prayer is the only method of influence I will ever have on Will's life, but I pray that it is one that makes a profound and eternal difference.
It was this week, 11 years ago, that I spent 24 mostly-sleepless hours with a friend who was scared and alone in the midst of a medical crisis in her 8th month of pregnancy. She had had no prenatal care, so I witnessed her first ultrasound and learned with her that her child, I hoped our child, was a son. Through that long day and night and into the next day, we talked of plans and dreams and her hopes for this baby's life.
At the end of it all I went home, emotionally and physically exhausted, carrying with me the news that we were not to be his parents afterall. I went home to a mass email birth announcement from my brother along with 30-some congratulatory emails that were "reply to all". It was the day before Father's Day. It was all just too much. I fell apart!
A month later we were back in that same hospital, setting our own dreams aside to again offer support to this woman whom God had placed in our lives, as she placed our longed-for child in the arms of his new parents. It was one of the hardest things God ever called me to do, especially knowing that his parents were not Christians.
I don't think of Will too often any more. But at time like this, when the memories come uninvited, I take it as a call to pray. Prayer is the only method of influence I will ever have on Will's life, but I pray that it is one that makes a profound and eternal difference.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Because He Loved Her
On the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums I am posting monthly devotionals based on various chapters of Hannah's Hope. Here's the 4th in this series.
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Because He Loved Her," chapter four of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
But to Hannah [her husband] gave a double portion because he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb.
- 1 Samuel 1:5 (NIV)
I once heard that infertility is like a roller coaster where the wife is struggling to hold on during the wild ride while her husband is frantically trying to find the brake. In this month of June, where fatherhood is widely celebrated, let's remember that infertility is not just a "woman's issue". Little frustrates a man more than feeling inadequate to prevent his wife's pain.
Remember Leah, who felt she needed to earn her husband's love (Gen. 29-30)? With each pregnancy she announced sentiments like "Surely my husband will love me now... At last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons... This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons."
While I am repulsed at the very thought of polygamy, this was the reality for many Biblical women, including our beloved Hannah. You see, some early religious leaders had twisted God's command to Adam and Eve to "be fruitful and multiply" to the point of actually advising that a man should divorce a wife after 10 years of barrenness. [For more about Jewish traditions surrounding infertility, see "And Hannah Wept" (Philadelphia, New York, Jerusalem: The Jewish Publication Society, 1988), pp. 47-48.] So, when Elkanah took Peninnah as an additional wife, not as a replacement, this was an act of great mercy. He was affirming his love for Hannah, with or without children. What a contrast between Jacob's attitude toward Leah and the loving grace Elkanah showered on Hannah!
For the first few years of our infertility journey, I struggled greatly with the idea that if only Rick would have married the "right" woman, he could have been a father already. One of the most loving gifts Rick ever gave me was his ongoing assurance that infertility was our battle, not my humiliation to bear alone. God knew from the start that it would take ten years and giving our hearts to a dozen children before we would bring two safely home. While it was my body that complicated our efforts, Rick frequently reminded me that as one flesh before God, there was non his or hers. God's plan for us as a couple included wrestling to build our family.
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Point of Action:
- Make a list of some specific ways your husband has treated you with grace in the midst of grief and use this list as a guide to help you pray for him with thanksgiving.
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My Loving Heavenly Father,
Thank you that I can always run to you when I myself am in need of a Daddy's strong arms. Thank you that nothing in our lives catches you by surprise. There is no path that you allow my husband and I to walk through where you have not already prepared the way.
For the loving husband you have blessed me with, thank you for his faithfulness and grace toward me, even in the seasons where my grief makes me rather unlovable. Let me never take him for grated and help me to be the life-partner he deserves, that you have called me to be. Help me to see our shared journey a bit more through his eyes so that I can support and encourage and pray for him in meaningful ways.
And for my friends who are struggling alone, having lost their husbands in the midst of this painful journey, please give them your special grace and protection in this double grief.
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Because He Loved Her," chapter four of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
But to Hannah [her husband] gave a double portion because he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb.
- 1 Samuel 1:5 (NIV)
I once heard that infertility is like a roller coaster where the wife is struggling to hold on during the wild ride while her husband is frantically trying to find the brake. In this month of June, where fatherhood is widely celebrated, let's remember that infertility is not just a "woman's issue". Little frustrates a man more than feeling inadequate to prevent his wife's pain.
Remember Leah, who felt she needed to earn her husband's love (Gen. 29-30)? With each pregnancy she announced sentiments like "Surely my husband will love me now... At last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons... This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons."
While I am repulsed at the very thought of polygamy, this was the reality for many Biblical women, including our beloved Hannah. You see, some early religious leaders had twisted God's command to Adam and Eve to "be fruitful and multiply" to the point of actually advising that a man should divorce a wife after 10 years of barrenness. [For more about Jewish traditions surrounding infertility, see "And Hannah Wept" (Philadelphia, New York, Jerusalem: The Jewish Publication Society, 1988), pp. 47-48.] So, when Elkanah took Peninnah as an additional wife, not as a replacement, this was an act of great mercy. He was affirming his love for Hannah, with or without children. What a contrast between Jacob's attitude toward Leah and the loving grace Elkanah showered on Hannah!
For the first few years of our infertility journey, I struggled greatly with the idea that if only Rick would have married the "right" woman, he could have been a father already. One of the most loving gifts Rick ever gave me was his ongoing assurance that infertility was our battle, not my humiliation to bear alone. God knew from the start that it would take ten years and giving our hearts to a dozen children before we would bring two safely home. While it was my body that complicated our efforts, Rick frequently reminded me that as one flesh before God, there was non his or hers. God's plan for us as a couple included wrestling to build our family.
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Point of Action:
- Make a list of some specific ways your husband has treated you with grace in the midst of grief and use this list as a guide to help you pray for him with thanksgiving.
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My Loving Heavenly Father,
Thank you that I can always run to you when I myself am in need of a Daddy's strong arms. Thank you that nothing in our lives catches you by surprise. There is no path that you allow my husband and I to walk through where you have not already prepared the way.
For the loving husband you have blessed me with, thank you for his faithfulness and grace toward me, even in the seasons where my grief makes me rather unlovable. Let me never take him for grated and help me to be the life-partner he deserves, that you have called me to be. Help me to see our shared journey a bit more through his eyes so that I can support and encourage and pray for him in meaningful ways.
And for my friends who are struggling alone, having lost their husbands in the midst of this painful journey, please give them your special grace and protection in this double grief.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
For Such a Time as This?
I am a Regional Manager with a mineral makeup company. In a recent traing chat there, one of the other 5 ladies I was chatting with mentioned her recent miscarriage. We all expressed our sympathies, then one of the other gals told her to feel free to contact her any time because she had a stillborn baby girl 8 years ago. The first rep (who just miscarried) replied that her first son had been stillborn as well! I was able to tell them both about Hannah's Hope and Hannah's Prayer Ministries. As the chat unfolded, I just sat there praying and asking the Lord what are the odds that out of 6 ladies, 3 of us have lost babies, 2 to stillbirth?
I don't know all the reasons God has put me in the position that He has with Mineral Girlz (though I'm having a blast and very excited about the business side of things), but I can't help wonder if at least a part of the picture has to do with these two ladies and their losses? Could I be there for such a time as this? (Esther's story has been one I've pondered much this year.) Please pray for both of these ladies and my sensitivity to God's promtings for any ways He might have me minister in their lives as we work together.
I don't know all the reasons God has put me in the position that He has with Mineral Girlz (though I'm having a blast and very excited about the business side of things), but I can't help wonder if at least a part of the picture has to do with these two ladies and their losses? Could I be there for such a time as this? (Esther's story has been one I've pondered much this year.) Please pray for both of these ladies and my sensitivity to God's promtings for any ways He might have me minister in their lives as we work together.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
One Pastor Shares His Reflections on Mother's Day
Rev. Lamar Oliver of Pharr Chapel United Methodist Church in Morgan City, LA sends out weekly devotional messages to members of his church. Here is what he wrote this week:
Normally, your Mid-Week Message is composed on Wednesday mornings, but while sitting here watching television with Erin this evening, I saw the most ridiculous commercial that got us talking about worship this Sunday. One of the seemingly endless jewelry store ads shown during this week every year, it reminded viewers that "You only have one day to celebrate mom - so make it special." How utterly stupid and absolutely contrary to not only good sense and manners, but also to the Christian faith that we profess to live under. This mindset, however, is one of the reasons why this Sunday, Mother's Day, is one of the most dangerous for pastors and also one of the most misunderstood days in the life of the church.
I will never forget the first Mother's Day that I had in my first post-seminary appointment. We were in the midst of the Easter season, and I preached from the lectionary texts for the day. It was about two o'clock that afternoon when my phone rang, and the matriarch of the congregation was on the phone asking me why I did not preach about mothers on Mother's Day. Who did I think I was? After all, "People go to church on Mother's Day with mom expecting a sermon on motherhood, moms, and how great it all is." Her tone indicated that there was no way I could give an answer that would satisfy her, but she did get me thinking. How should we communicate to people that the church is to be a place of worship - worship of God, not anyone else (even mom)? How should we communicate that if you have to wait until Mother's Day to let mom know how much she means to you then you don't have much of a relationship with mom to begin with? How should we communicate that when the church makes a big deal about the oldest mother and the youngest mother that chances are very good that there are women sitting in the pews who are inwardly weeping (if they show up at all on this day) because they know that they will never be a mother, never have a chance at the award for oldest, youngest, or most prolific mother? How do we communicate that while Mother's Day is the day on which the most phone calls are made that there are women in our midst who will not get that phone call from a beloved child this year because they had to endure every mother's nightmare of outliving their child? How do we communicate that there are many mothers and children who have no relationship at all and all that this day does is bring pain and sorrow for pain that in some cases goes back decades? How do we communicate this message to those for whom for whom Mother's Day is hard because they will not be able to call mom this year since mom has passed away?
This Sunday, as is the case every Sunday, we will gather to worship God. We will gather to give thanks for everything that God has done, is doing, and will do. Mother's Day will be recognized - but in the context of a God who is much bigger than anything we can imagine. Let us remember that Sunday, like every day, is not about any one or anything but the triune God.
Planning to make a big deal about mom on Mother's Day? Why wait. Call mom now. Write mom now. Send flowers now. Don't wait to be prompted by Madison Avenue. Planning to hide from the world on Mother's Day because of the pain of the day? Know that I am in prayer for you now.
Either way, join us for worship this Sunday as we explore again the God who not only provides the great things in life, but also is big enough to get us through the most difficult times in life.
-----
To contact Rev. Oliver, please email pastor@pharrchapelumc.org or visit his website at www.pharrchapelumc.org.
Normally, your Mid-Week Message is composed on Wednesday mornings, but while sitting here watching television with Erin this evening, I saw the most ridiculous commercial that got us talking about worship this Sunday. One of the seemingly endless jewelry store ads shown during this week every year, it reminded viewers that "You only have one day to celebrate mom - so make it special." How utterly stupid and absolutely contrary to not only good sense and manners, but also to the Christian faith that we profess to live under. This mindset, however, is one of the reasons why this Sunday, Mother's Day, is one of the most dangerous for pastors and also one of the most misunderstood days in the life of the church.
I will never forget the first Mother's Day that I had in my first post-seminary appointment. We were in the midst of the Easter season, and I preached from the lectionary texts for the day. It was about two o'clock that afternoon when my phone rang, and the matriarch of the congregation was on the phone asking me why I did not preach about mothers on Mother's Day. Who did I think I was? After all, "People go to church on Mother's Day with mom expecting a sermon on motherhood, moms, and how great it all is." Her tone indicated that there was no way I could give an answer that would satisfy her, but she did get me thinking. How should we communicate to people that the church is to be a place of worship - worship of God, not anyone else (even mom)? How should we communicate that if you have to wait until Mother's Day to let mom know how much she means to you then you don't have much of a relationship with mom to begin with? How should we communicate that when the church makes a big deal about the oldest mother and the youngest mother that chances are very good that there are women sitting in the pews who are inwardly weeping (if they show up at all on this day) because they know that they will never be a mother, never have a chance at the award for oldest, youngest, or most prolific mother? How do we communicate that while Mother's Day is the day on which the most phone calls are made that there are women in our midst who will not get that phone call from a beloved child this year because they had to endure every mother's nightmare of outliving their child? How do we communicate that there are many mothers and children who have no relationship at all and all that this day does is bring pain and sorrow for pain that in some cases goes back decades? How do we communicate this message to those for whom for whom Mother's Day is hard because they will not be able to call mom this year since mom has passed away?
This Sunday, as is the case every Sunday, we will gather to worship God. We will gather to give thanks for everything that God has done, is doing, and will do. Mother's Day will be recognized - but in the context of a God who is much bigger than anything we can imagine. Let us remember that Sunday, like every day, is not about any one or anything but the triune God.
Planning to make a big deal about mom on Mother's Day? Why wait. Call mom now. Write mom now. Send flowers now. Don't wait to be prompted by Madison Avenue. Planning to hide from the world on Mother's Day because of the pain of the day? Know that I am in prayer for you now.
Either way, join us for worship this Sunday as we explore again the God who not only provides the great things in life, but also is big enough to get us through the most difficult times in life.
-----
To contact Rev. Oliver, please email pastor@pharrchapelumc.org or visit his website at www.pharrchapelumc.org.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Mother's Day Survival and "Is God Punishing Me?"
As we count down this last week before Mother's Day, my heart is keenly aware of what a painful season May and June can be for men and women longing to hold their children. Praying God's comfort for each grieving heart.
On the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums I am posting monthly devotionals based on various chapters of Hannah's Hope. Here's the third in this series.
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Is God Punishing Me?" chapter three of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord...
1 Samuel 1:3 (NIV)
Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other landmarks can be such painful reminders of the ticking of our biological clocks. Day like Mother's Day cause us to question God's plans as we struggle to figure out why God's withholding the desires of our hearts. If God promised that none of his people would miscarry or be barren (Exodus 23:26), is infertility a punishment for our sins?
While some see a simple cause/effect here (you sin, you can't have kids), under Old Testament law, both the promise and the punishment were corporate. God promised the nation of Israel, as a whole, protection, as a whole, when they obeyed His laws. When they, as a nation, turned their backs on Him as they had in Hannah's day, His veil of protection was lifted from their entire nation. Is our nation (with legalized abortion, homosexual marriage...) any more just today???
If sin = infertility, no one would be able to have children ever! A quick look around at children born out of wedlock, into abusive homes and more, is proof that this equation doesn't work. In fact, the Bible is clear that we all sin (Romans 3:23), and yet children are born continually. If you are living under a burden a guilt that your empty arms are a punishment from God, it's time to be free from the burden of false guilt and blame! In the natural course of a fallen, sinful world outside of God's protection, there will always be sad and sorrowful things that happen in this life.
Consider Job: "This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil" (Job 1:1). So God rewarded Job's faithfulness by giving him a life free from suffering, right? Anything but! God allowed Satan to take everything from Job, including the lives of his children, his great wealth, his health, and even the understanding of friends. "In all this, Job did not sin" (2:10). (NIV)
We see another example of grief without blame in the gospel of Luke:
In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations blamelessly. But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in years.
- Luke 1:5-7, (emphasis added)
"Well, that's nice for Hannah, Job, Beth and Zac," you may think, "but I still know God must be judging me for my sins." But God says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). Paul, once a murderer and more, wrote, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life" (1 Timothy 1:15-16).
No sin is too big. If you have admitted your past to God and repented, He has already offered His forgiveness, and He desires to wash you clean of guilt. Will you accept? If the God of all the universe has forgiven you and yet you will not forgive yourself, is this not insulting our sovereign God? Forgiveness must be accepted to be of any benefit!
Infertility hurts this much because you already have a mother's heart. God knows about grieving for children in a very personal way too. He has gone to greater measures to make you His child than you will ever go in the pursuit of growing your own family. I like to paraphrase John 3:16 this way: "For God so longed to call me His child, that He offered the life of His only biological Child, to pay the price of my adoption."
-----------
Thoughts to ponder:
The Law that bound Hannah was established for the purpose of showing us that God's measure of perfect holiness is a standard too high for any human to obtain. Praise God for His grace and the gift of salvation!
Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.
- Galatians 3:23-25 (NIV)
------------
Dear Lord, in this coming week as the world celebrates those who have what we most long for, please make yourself real to us, reminding us that our empty arms are not a curse, and that your loving Father's heart grieves with us. Hold us and comfort us as we grieve and give us grace, strength and peace to sustain us through especially painful days.
On the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums I am posting monthly devotionals based on various chapters of Hannah's Hope. Here's the third in this series.
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Is God Punishing Me?" chapter three of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord...
1 Samuel 1:3 (NIV)
Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other landmarks can be such painful reminders of the ticking of our biological clocks. Day like Mother's Day cause us to question God's plans as we struggle to figure out why God's withholding the desires of our hearts. If God promised that none of his people would miscarry or be barren (Exodus 23:26), is infertility a punishment for our sins?
While some see a simple cause/effect here (you sin, you can't have kids), under Old Testament law, both the promise and the punishment were corporate. God promised the nation of Israel, as a whole, protection, as a whole, when they obeyed His laws. When they, as a nation, turned their backs on Him as they had in Hannah's day, His veil of protection was lifted from their entire nation. Is our nation (with legalized abortion, homosexual marriage...) any more just today???
If sin = infertility, no one would be able to have children ever! A quick look around at children born out of wedlock, into abusive homes and more, is proof that this equation doesn't work. In fact, the Bible is clear that we all sin (Romans 3:23), and yet children are born continually. If you are living under a burden a guilt that your empty arms are a punishment from God, it's time to be free from the burden of false guilt and blame! In the natural course of a fallen, sinful world outside of God's protection, there will always be sad and sorrowful things that happen in this life.
Consider Job: "This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil" (Job 1:1). So God rewarded Job's faithfulness by giving him a life free from suffering, right? Anything but! God allowed Satan to take everything from Job, including the lives of his children, his great wealth, his health, and even the understanding of friends. "In all this, Job did not sin" (2:10). (NIV)
We see another example of grief without blame in the gospel of Luke:
In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations blamelessly. But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in years.
- Luke 1:5-7, (emphasis added)
"Well, that's nice for Hannah, Job, Beth and Zac," you may think, "but I still know God must be judging me for my sins." But God says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). Paul, once a murderer and more, wrote, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life" (1 Timothy 1:15-16).
No sin is too big. If you have admitted your past to God and repented, He has already offered His forgiveness, and He desires to wash you clean of guilt. Will you accept? If the God of all the universe has forgiven you and yet you will not forgive yourself, is this not insulting our sovereign God? Forgiveness must be accepted to be of any benefit!
Infertility hurts this much because you already have a mother's heart. God knows about grieving for children in a very personal way too. He has gone to greater measures to make you His child than you will ever go in the pursuit of growing your own family. I like to paraphrase John 3:16 this way: "For God so longed to call me His child, that He offered the life of His only biological Child, to pay the price of my adoption."
-----------
Thoughts to ponder:
The Law that bound Hannah was established for the purpose of showing us that God's measure of perfect holiness is a standard too high for any human to obtain. Praise God for His grace and the gift of salvation!
Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.
- Galatians 3:23-25 (NIV)
------------
Dear Lord, in this coming week as the world celebrates those who have what we most long for, please make yourself real to us, reminding us that our empty arms are not a curse, and that your loving Father's heart grieves with us. Hold us and comfort us as we grieve and give us grace, strength and peace to sustain us through especially painful days.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Do you Shoutlife?
You've heard the negative press about myspace, but now there's a Christian alternative for social networking in a clean environment. I have a page there to promote my book and other life interests. I've found a couple of great groups dealing with infertility and loss and even started one for Hannah's Hope. My page does mention all aspects of my life, including our kids, but it also is a rich resource to connect with many brothers and sisters in the Lord, including other infertility authors. Please come visit me at my Shoutlife page!
Monday, April 09, 2007
Envy, Jealousy, and Rivalry
On the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums I am posting monthly devotionals based on various chapters of Hannah's Hope. Here's the second in this series.
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Envy, Jealousy, and Rivalry," chapter two of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
[Elkanah] had two wives; one called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none. - 1 Sam 1:2 (NIV)
As I tried to persuade God to give us a child on my terms, we watched three nephews born. Wait! When did the starting gun fire? How did everyone else get so far ahead in this race?
It seemed our brothers and their wives, along with every every woman I saw, was either nine months pregnant, pushing a baby stroller, or both! I began dreading my trips to the grocery store where I would inevitably see women with gobs of kids stuffed into shopping carts, hanging from their arms, and running about their feet.
Many of these moms didn't seem happy with their blessings either. When I would hear a mother yelling obscenities at her child just for acting like a normal kid, it was all I could do to keep myself from committing child theft. I kept wondering what criteria God was using in the allotment of offspring...
In short, I felt I knew better than God. I called Him to account for decisions that made no sense from my limited perspective... Believing that I would make a better mother than so many who were given the chance, I felt that we had earned the right of parenthood. Didn't God owe us something here?
Surprisingly, the answer was, and is, no. God does not owe me anything: not a baby, not even an explanation of His choices. As Hannah endured years of social inferiority as a barren wife, she had no way to know that God's ultimate plan was to bless her with a special son whom He would use to lead His people. To look at my current circumstances... would be like trying to see a finished picture in a single piece of a complex puzzle... God sees the big picture from beginning to end...
---
While commonly thought of as synonymous, envy and jealousy carry subtle, yet signifcant, distinctions. Envy represents resentment of what others have, selfishness, covetousness, greed, and desire for gain at the cost of another. It distorts the truth to validate or intensify its own perspective of pain. Matthew 27:18 explains that it was out of envy that enemies of Jesus handed Him over for murder.
Like envy, jealousy can involve anger and a defensive spirit, but it can be expressed in both positive and negative ways. Jealousy involves a protective element, a desire to grasp tightly that which seems rightfully mine. Ungodly jealousy indignantly demands its own way. An example of righteous jealousy would be the passionate protection of my marriage against outside threat.
-----------
Thoughts to ponder:
Are my feelings toward others who have what I so long for rightly described as envy or jealousy?
If envy, do I blame God for what I see as injustice?
If jealousy, is my jealousy expressed in positive or negative ways?
Am I ready to ask God to help take this hurt and use it for His best purpose in my life?
------------
Dear Lord, we ask that you would guard our hearts against the bitter grasp of envy. And when hurt and jealousy arise, for this truly is such a painful journey, we pray that you would help us to express jealousy in righteous ways rather than hateful ones. It doesn't seem to make sense why you have allowed us to walk through this heartache, nor why children suffer neglect at the hands of unloving parents. We need your comfort and grace to trust that you have a big-picture plan for each of us.
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Envy, Jealousy, and Rivalry," chapter two of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read a portion of this book here.
[Elkanah] had two wives; one called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none. - 1 Sam 1:2 (NIV)
As I tried to persuade God to give us a child on my terms, we watched three nephews born. Wait! When did the starting gun fire? How did everyone else get so far ahead in this race?
It seemed our brothers and their wives, along with every every woman I saw, was either nine months pregnant, pushing a baby stroller, or both! I began dreading my trips to the grocery store where I would inevitably see women with gobs of kids stuffed into shopping carts, hanging from their arms, and running about their feet.
Many of these moms didn't seem happy with their blessings either. When I would hear a mother yelling obscenities at her child just for acting like a normal kid, it was all I could do to keep myself from committing child theft. I kept wondering what criteria God was using in the allotment of offspring...
In short, I felt I knew better than God. I called Him to account for decisions that made no sense from my limited perspective... Believing that I would make a better mother than so many who were given the chance, I felt that we had earned the right of parenthood. Didn't God owe us something here?
Surprisingly, the answer was, and is, no. God does not owe me anything: not a baby, not even an explanation of His choices. As Hannah endured years of social inferiority as a barren wife, she had no way to know that God's ultimate plan was to bless her with a special son whom He would use to lead His people. To look at my current circumstances... would be like trying to see a finished picture in a single piece of a complex puzzle... God sees the big picture from beginning to end...
---
While commonly thought of as synonymous, envy and jealousy carry subtle, yet signifcant, distinctions. Envy represents resentment of what others have, selfishness, covetousness, greed, and desire for gain at the cost of another. It distorts the truth to validate or intensify its own perspective of pain. Matthew 27:18 explains that it was out of envy that enemies of Jesus handed Him over for murder.
Like envy, jealousy can involve anger and a defensive spirit, but it can be expressed in both positive and negative ways. Jealousy involves a protective element, a desire to grasp tightly that which seems rightfully mine. Ungodly jealousy indignantly demands its own way. An example of righteous jealousy would be the passionate protection of my marriage against outside threat.
-----------
Thoughts to ponder:
Are my feelings toward others who have what I so long for rightly described as envy or jealousy?
If envy, do I blame God for what I see as injustice?
If jealousy, is my jealousy expressed in positive or negative ways?
Am I ready to ask God to help take this hurt and use it for His best purpose in my life?
------------
Dear Lord, we ask that you would guard our hearts against the bitter grasp of envy. And when hurt and jealousy arise, for this truly is such a painful journey, we pray that you would help us to express jealousy in righteous ways rather than hateful ones. It doesn't seem to make sense why you have allowed us to walk through this heartache, nor why children suffer neglect at the hands of unloving parents. We need your comfort and grace to trust that you have a big-picture plan for each of us.
Monday, March 26, 2007
explaining my infertility to those who don't know
I've been very vocal about our infertility journey since just a few months into the process. Probably pushing my poor husband and dad way out of their comfort zones on more than one occasion.
Though our active journey through infertility is over, it is still very much a part of who I have become. As I meet new people it doesn't take me long before I share my story. I still cringe when I enter a new group of people and there is nothing but parenthood talk. Who's silently hurting, I wonder???
So after a recent work-from-home chat group I attended where one of the opening questions was, "So who here has kids?" followed by many enthusiastic parents telling all about their little ones, I posted this little story on a work-at-home board in hopes of giving a glimmer of hope to anyone who might not have been able to join that conversation (warning, living children mentioned):
----
To look at me now you would never guess the journey that brough us here. I have a 7-year-old, a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old.
But what you don't see when you see me at the park is the nearly 12-year-old daughter who should be with us. Nor the 5 1/2-year-old son. Nor the soon-to-be 5-year-old daughter.
You also don't see our 7 "almost" children ranging in age from 8 to 18 - the ones we invested our hearts and hopes and prayers in, but never got to bring home for a variety of reasons.
You don't see 10 years of tears and anguish and prayers and endless doctor's visits, and coutless negative pregnancy tests, and gallons (at least it seemed that way) of blood work, and pills, and surgeries, and needles, and scheduled marital relations...
For what you do see I am forever thankful, more than words can say. For what you don't see I am forever changed. If there is more to your life than meets the eye, please know that my heart goes out to you today. If I can be of any help, please let me know. And feel free to stop by my support website at www.HannahsHopeBook.com where I post ongoing blog updates to encourage you in this journey.
Though our active journey through infertility is over, it is still very much a part of who I have become. As I meet new people it doesn't take me long before I share my story. I still cringe when I enter a new group of people and there is nothing but parenthood talk. Who's silently hurting, I wonder???
So after a recent work-from-home chat group I attended where one of the opening questions was, "So who here has kids?" followed by many enthusiastic parents telling all about their little ones, I posted this little story on a work-at-home board in hopes of giving a glimmer of hope to anyone who might not have been able to join that conversation (warning, living children mentioned):
----
To look at me now you would never guess the journey that brough us here. I have a 7-year-old, a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old.
But what you don't see when you see me at the park is the nearly 12-year-old daughter who should be with us. Nor the 5 1/2-year-old son. Nor the soon-to-be 5-year-old daughter.
You also don't see our 7 "almost" children ranging in age from 8 to 18 - the ones we invested our hearts and hopes and prayers in, but never got to bring home for a variety of reasons.
You don't see 10 years of tears and anguish and prayers and endless doctor's visits, and coutless negative pregnancy tests, and gallons (at least it seemed that way) of blood work, and pills, and surgeries, and needles, and scheduled marital relations...
For what you do see I am forever thankful, more than words can say. For what you don't see I am forever changed. If there is more to your life than meets the eye, please know that my heart goes out to you today. If I can be of any help, please let me know. And feel free to stop by my support website at www.HannahsHopeBook.com where I post ongoing blog updates to encourage you in this journey.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Family Ties
On the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums I am posting monthly devotionals based on various chapters of Hannah's Hope. Here's the first. You may read through the full series of these devotionals here.
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Family Ties," chapter one of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read this chapter in its entirety here.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them... God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. - Genesis 1:27, 31 (NIV)
To raise children was Hannah's occupation of choice, with no back up plan arranged. When grown-up reality didn't measure up, her definition of family, her very understanding of life itself, was shaken to the core.
In her book The Ache for a Child*, Debra Bridwell explains the devastation this way:
God had the desire to create new life; and He wanted to create it in His own image. If He, being perfect and complete had this desire to create, how could it be selfish or wrong? And because He created us in His image, with many of His attributes, it should come as no surprise that we share His desire to create.
If we yearn to take part in the miracle of creating a new life "in our image" with attributes like our own, and want the intimacy of nurturing our child to maturity, that is only natural. This yearning is God-given and a part of how we are created. It's no wonder that we can feel jarred and confused when we are unable to fulfill it.
One of God's first instructions to the human race was to be fruitful and multiply. Scripture speaks highly of the role of parenthood. If children are a mark of God's blessing, what does infertility mean? Questions seem to mount much faster than answers...
Shortly after I began planning to write Hannah's Hope Julie Donahue (co-founder of Hannah's Prayer Ministries) challenged me to read through my entire Bible, looking for every passage that could in any way, directly or indirectly, relate to infertility. The adventure took fourteen months. There were times when the study seemed to painful to continue - so many passages were laced with generational records. I would pray:
Lord, one of my greatest fears is that our family tree will stop growing here. I don't want to be an old stump, cut off and cast away. The psalmist wrote, "Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table" [Psalm 128:3]. Father, reading of your faithfulness to countless generations serves only to discourage me more. You were faithful to them - what about us? Will my husband ever have a "fruitful" wife? Will our family tree ever produce new shoots? These passages carefully explaining who begat whom, all the way back to Adam, are very painful for me.
If we climb through the branches of Hannah's family tree, we see that the Jewish nation had a tentative start. Infertility took center stage in God's account of history and the establisment and continuation of the Isralites often seemed in question. Abraham was one hundred years old and Sarah ninety when their child of promise was finally born (Gen. 17:17). Isaac, in turn, prayed for his barren wife, Rebekah, before God placed twins within her womb (Gen. 25:21). One of those boys, Jacob, also went on to taste fertiltiy challenges. While he had twelve sons, only two came from his beloved wife, Rachel, who struggled through years of infertility, both primary and secondary.
I've often wondered if Rachel's first son, Joseph, might also have battled to become a father. The Bible records only two sons for him, something rare in an age without birth control, when a large family was a sign of prestige. When this beloved son of Jacob chose to name his second son Ephraim, he pronounced, "It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering" (Gen. 41:52). I find it ironic that Hannah's story is stages in the the hill country of Ephraim, the land of the "twice fruitful."
Realizing that her ancestors had also known her pain might have offered Hannah great comfort. But these same stories could have just as easily added to her burden and grief. Imagine Hannah's growing grief as she began to realize that those evenings of passion shared with her sweetheart were not producing within her womb the expected results. Her quandry gives new depth of meaning to Proverbs 13:12, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." But even when it seemed God was silent to her cries, when she felt outcast and rejected by both God and man, she knew where to turn in her questioning and pain and this is what we much learn to do as well.
But I cry to you for help, O LORD: in the morning my prayer comes before you. Why, O LORD, do you reject me and hide your face from me?
Psalm 88:13-14 (NIV)
I look forward to sharing devotional time with you on the first Monday of each month. This month we have set the stage and can relate to what Hannah was feeling. Next month we will begin to explore how to cope with this anguish we all know so deeply. If there are portions of the book that have especially ministered to you, please leave your comments as I will be visiting often in selecting passages for future devotionals. May the Lord grant us each grace and peace as we pursue hard after Him for the healing of our deepest hurts.
*quote from Debra Bridwell, The Ache for a Child (Wheaton, Ill.: Victor, 1994), p. 27
The following is copyrighted material and has been adapted from "Family Ties," chapter one of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss by Jennifer Saake, NavPress, 2005. Please do not duplicate without permission. You may read this chapter in its entirety here.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them... God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. - Genesis 1:27, 31 (NIV)
To raise children was Hannah's occupation of choice, with no back up plan arranged. When grown-up reality didn't measure up, her definition of family, her very understanding of life itself, was shaken to the core.
In her book The Ache for a Child*, Debra Bridwell explains the devastation this way:
God had the desire to create new life; and He wanted to create it in His own image. If He, being perfect and complete had this desire to create, how could it be selfish or wrong? And because He created us in His image, with many of His attributes, it should come as no surprise that we share His desire to create.
If we yearn to take part in the miracle of creating a new life "in our image" with attributes like our own, and want the intimacy of nurturing our child to maturity, that is only natural. This yearning is God-given and a part of how we are created. It's no wonder that we can feel jarred and confused when we are unable to fulfill it.
One of God's first instructions to the human race was to be fruitful and multiply. Scripture speaks highly of the role of parenthood. If children are a mark of God's blessing, what does infertility mean? Questions seem to mount much faster than answers...
Shortly after I began planning to write Hannah's Hope Julie Donahue (co-founder of Hannah's Prayer Ministries) challenged me to read through my entire Bible, looking for every passage that could in any way, directly or indirectly, relate to infertility. The adventure took fourteen months. There were times when the study seemed to painful to continue - so many passages were laced with generational records. I would pray:
Lord, one of my greatest fears is that our family tree will stop growing here. I don't want to be an old stump, cut off and cast away. The psalmist wrote, "Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table" [Psalm 128:3]. Father, reading of your faithfulness to countless generations serves only to discourage me more. You were faithful to them - what about us? Will my husband ever have a "fruitful" wife? Will our family tree ever produce new shoots? These passages carefully explaining who begat whom, all the way back to Adam, are very painful for me.
If we climb through the branches of Hannah's family tree, we see that the Jewish nation had a tentative start. Infertility took center stage in God's account of history and the establisment and continuation of the Isralites often seemed in question. Abraham was one hundred years old and Sarah ninety when their child of promise was finally born (Gen. 17:17). Isaac, in turn, prayed for his barren wife, Rebekah, before God placed twins within her womb (Gen. 25:21). One of those boys, Jacob, also went on to taste fertiltiy challenges. While he had twelve sons, only two came from his beloved wife, Rachel, who struggled through years of infertility, both primary and secondary.
I've often wondered if Rachel's first son, Joseph, might also have battled to become a father. The Bible records only two sons for him, something rare in an age without birth control, when a large family was a sign of prestige. When this beloved son of Jacob chose to name his second son Ephraim, he pronounced, "It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering" (Gen. 41:52). I find it ironic that Hannah's story is stages in the the hill country of Ephraim, the land of the "twice fruitful."
Realizing that her ancestors had also known her pain might have offered Hannah great comfort. But these same stories could have just as easily added to her burden and grief. Imagine Hannah's growing grief as she began to realize that those evenings of passion shared with her sweetheart were not producing within her womb the expected results. Her quandry gives new depth of meaning to Proverbs 13:12, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." But even when it seemed God was silent to her cries, when she felt outcast and rejected by both God and man, she knew where to turn in her questioning and pain and this is what we much learn to do as well.
But I cry to you for help, O LORD: in the morning my prayer comes before you. Why, O LORD, do you reject me and hide your face from me?
Psalm 88:13-14 (NIV)
I look forward to sharing devotional time with you on the first Monday of each month. This month we have set the stage and can relate to what Hannah was feeling. Next month we will begin to explore how to cope with this anguish we all know so deeply. If there are portions of the book that have especially ministered to you, please leave your comments as I will be visiting often in selecting passages for future devotionals. May the Lord grant us each grace and peace as we pursue hard after Him for the healing of our deepest hurts.
*quote from Debra Bridwell, The Ache for a Child (Wheaton, Ill.: Victor, 1994), p. 27
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Almost 12? A new ministry in memory of our Noel.
This past winter I've found myself draw to the interests of pre-teen girls. I couldn't figure out why, but I spent my hours exploring doll company websites and even wanting to write a new book series for "tween" and younger teen girls. And then it hit me...
Noel would have been turning 12 this summer. With this realization, suddenly my winter interests took perspective and I realized that I was once again striving to fill that "missing" place in my heart.
From this renewed longing to connect with the daughter I will never know this side of heaven, I have found a joyful new passion. While not a link I would typically post to an infertility blog, please allow me to share with you now my new Inner Beauty Girlz site, dedicated in loving memory to our Noel. The purpose of this blog is to reach young ladies for Christ by drawing their interests through beauty tips and trips, contests, book and product reviews and more.
If you know of any young ladies who might be interested in Noel's page, please pass the link along www.mineralz.blogspot.com. Or if you have suggestions or ideas, I would love to hear from you. Afterall, I'm working from the premise of what I think Noel might have liked, but have no first-hand experience in parenting a preteen daughter!
Noel would have been turning 12 this summer. With this realization, suddenly my winter interests took perspective and I realized that I was once again striving to fill that "missing" place in my heart.
From this renewed longing to connect with the daughter I will never know this side of heaven, I have found a joyful new passion. While not a link I would typically post to an infertility blog, please allow me to share with you now my new Inner Beauty Girlz site, dedicated in loving memory to our Noel. The purpose of this blog is to reach young ladies for Christ by drawing their interests through beauty tips and trips, contests, book and product reviews and more.
If you know of any young ladies who might be interested in Noel's page, please pass the link along www.mineralz.blogspot.com. Or if you have suggestions or ideas, I would love to hear from you. Afterall, I'm working from the premise of what I think Noel might have liked, but have no first-hand experience in parenting a preteen daughter!
Monday, February 26, 2007
Hannah's Prayer 2007 Retreat
Here's your chance to sit down and chat with a wonderful, loving group of real women who know exactly what it feels like to walk in your shoes. Come to the Hannah's Prayer 2007 Retreat from April 27-29, 2007 at The Sheraton Westport in St. Louis, MO, featuring speaker Kathe Wunnenberg, author of the wonderful devotional journals, Longing for a Child (infertility), Grieving the Child I Never Knew (pregnancy loss and infant death), and Grieving the Loss of a Loved One (all losses).
Purpose: The purpose of this retreat is to strengthen our relationship with Christ and one another and to encourage worship even in our toughest journey through infertility and loss.
Theme: "Growing in Christ"
Theme verse: 2 Peter 3:18 "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen."
Visit the Hannah's Prayer Retreat Website for full details and registration information.
Purpose: The purpose of this retreat is to strengthen our relationship with Christ and one another and to encourage worship even in our toughest journey through infertility and loss.
Theme: "Growing in Christ"
Theme verse: 2 Peter 3:18 "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen."
Visit the Hannah's Prayer Retreat Website for full details and registration information.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
To the lady in room 212, tearfully remembering your baby today
I do not know your name.
I do not know the circumstances.
I do not even know if the child you grieve is a son or a daughter.
I only know that on this date one year ago today, we shared the labor and delivery wing of the same hospital. And while I went home with a precious miracle, you went home with empty arms and a broken heart.
Within my first hour home from the hospital, I posted a prayer request on the Hannah's Prayer message boards for you and your family. And with every landmark we have celebrated and rejoiced over the life of our son this year, I have carried you in my heart and lifted you before my Father in prayer.
You have made it through your first year now. I wish I had some way to let you know that your baby has forever left an imprint on me; that you are not forgotten.
So today I once again entrust you to the Lord who knows you so deeply that He has numbered the very hairs on your head. May you somehow know the comfort that only He can bring your grieving heart today.
I do not know the circumstances.
I do not even know if the child you grieve is a son or a daughter.
I only know that on this date one year ago today, we shared the labor and delivery wing of the same hospital. And while I went home with a precious miracle, you went home with empty arms and a broken heart.
Within my first hour home from the hospital, I posted a prayer request on the Hannah's Prayer message boards for you and your family. And with every landmark we have celebrated and rejoiced over the life of our son this year, I have carried you in my heart and lifted you before my Father in prayer.
You have made it through your first year now. I wish I had some way to let you know that your baby has forever left an imprint on me; that you are not forgotten.
So today I once again entrust you to the Lord who knows you so deeply that He has numbered the very hairs on your head. May you somehow know the comfort that only He can bring your grieving heart today.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
fertility "collection condoms" or SCDs (seminal collection devices)
OK, I will admit that this information is a little more blunt than my standard blog fare, but I pray that it will be useful to someone. As noted in chapter 4 of Hannah's Hope, and more fully detailed in appendix b, for some couples the most sucessful way to obtain sperm samples either for testing or insemination is through the use a a special sterile, medical grade, non-spermacial condom.
At the time my book went to press, I did not have a current resource to offer for those seeking to obtain such a device. While most fertility clinics can obtain them for you, if your clinic cannot or does not have a resource to do so, here are some links that may be of help. Please note, these links are for informational purposes only, not a specific endorsement on my part of any specific clinic, product, company or medical procedure:
Understanding a Sperm Analysis
Using a Sperm Collection Condom
"Pre-seed" Semen Collection Kit
Semen Analysis Supplies (scroll down to "Semen Collection Condoms – Male-FactorPak)
Since it took us more than a year to track down this information when we needed it, I pray that someone who will benefit from this information will stumble upon this blog entry and find the information you need to help reduce one aspect of all the stress that infertility brings.
At the time my book went to press, I did not have a current resource to offer for those seeking to obtain such a device. While most fertility clinics can obtain them for you, if your clinic cannot or does not have a resource to do so, here are some links that may be of help. Please note, these links are for informational purposes only, not a specific endorsement on my part of any specific clinic, product, company or medical procedure:
Understanding a Sperm Analysis
Using a Sperm Collection Condom
"Pre-seed" Semen Collection Kit
Semen Analysis Supplies (scroll down to "Semen Collection Condoms – Male-FactorPak)
Since it took us more than a year to track down this information when we needed it, I pray that someone who will benefit from this information will stumble upon this blog entry and find the information you need to help reduce one aspect of all the stress that infertility brings.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
fiction titles with infertility and/or loss plot lines
I sometimes am more moved by fiction than by other kinds of writing. I'm starting a running list of Christian books that include infertility or loss in the plot lines.
What have you read that others might find interesting??? As a "comments" reply here, please give the title, author, and enough about the plot line that someone can decide if they are "ready" to give that book a read or if there are any unexpected surprises that could be painful triggers if caught by surprise. Here are a few I have enjoyed:
Chosen: The Lost Diaries of Queen Esther by Ginger Garrett (this author is a former member of Hannah's Prayer, by the way) is a fictionalized look at Esther, and in Ginger's telling of the story, she is never able to bear children. Spellbinding reading!
Rain Dance by Joy DeKok (also a past HP member, still living with primary infertility) is a compelling story about what happens when a Christian woman facing a childless future and a woman seeking an abortion are waiting to see the same doctor. The infertile woman feels like she could have been pulled from the pages of my journals!
Empty Womb, Aching Heart: Hope and Help for Those Struggling With Infertility by Marlo Schalesky is a fictionalized compilation of many real-life infertility stories (including my friend Julie Donahue's adoption story!) spanning all aspects of fertility challenges. The short stories are fast reading, realistic and great at getting to the emotional and spiritual heart of each challenge!
The Marriage Wish by Dee Henderson is about a young widow who goes into preterm labor shortly after the death of her husband and their little girl lives only 3 month, all in NICU. It's a tearjerker for sure, but very realistic in dealing with the grief emotions that she processes as she slowly learns to risk loving again.
Several books by Janette Oke include infertility and/or loss themes:
The Love Comes Softly series, while the main character is quite fertile, also includes a subplot of a friend with recurrent losses and eventually giving birth to her only living son with special needs. Later in the same series, there is stillbirth.
Canadian Mountie series, especially by the second and later books, is very much an infertility story and also includes adoption loss and sucessful adoptions.
A Bride for Donnigan has the main character being very unsympathetic with her friend's miscarriage grief until she herself suffers a stillborn baby.
- I know there are other titles that are strong fertility-related plot lines, but these are the ones that come to mind off the top of my head.
Karen Kingsbury has too many fertility-related stories for me to even list. Visit her website (where you can read her own adoption story!) at karenkingsbury.com
Julia's Hope by Leisha Kelly is an after-infertility mom of twins who opens her home as a bed-and-breakfast type place and her first client is a pregnant teen who is sent away to give birth and relinquish her child for adoption to save the family's disgrace. There is a lot of after-infertility emotional processing and conversations with God here.
While I have never had a chance to read it, I've often wanted to pick up The Long Awaited Child by Tracie Peterson. From the Stepping Stones bookstore review: "Novelist Tracie Peterson has written or co-written over 35 novels. This novel is the dual story of a woman, who wants nothing more than to be a mother, and a frightened pregnant teen, who wants nothing more than to run away from that responsibility. Be ready for some tears as you read how each of them overcomes past heartache to give the other her heart's desire."
Angela Hunt has written some compelling things. While not directly related to infertility, both "The Pearl" and "Unspoken" were thought provoking for me. I would not advise reading either when feeling emotionally fragile, and since not written specifically for an infertile audience, there will be things that might not sit well. But Pearl deals with the death of a child and a mother's depth of grief that drives to a splintered marriag and desperate measures including cloning, while Unspoken is a sweet story for anyone with a loving "Fur Baby" (animal/pet that is a stand-in child) in her life, though it does also relate a lot to grief (and has a subplot of miscarraige through another character) and has a rather tragic ending. I have never read "The Truth Teller" by this same author but believe it is a story about an infertile woman who is widowed and tries to still have her husband's child - as with any of Hunt's books, I would expect there to be a lot of plot twisting, no easy answers and ethically challenging complexity involved.
So, what hidden infertility/loss plots have you discovered? Have the books been helpful or hurtful as you have read? Please share your finds by posting a "comment" to this topic!
What have you read that others might find interesting??? As a "comments" reply here, please give the title, author, and enough about the plot line that someone can decide if they are "ready" to give that book a read or if there are any unexpected surprises that could be painful triggers if caught by surprise. Here are a few I have enjoyed:
Chosen: The Lost Diaries of Queen Esther by Ginger Garrett (this author is a former member of Hannah's Prayer, by the way) is a fictionalized look at Esther, and in Ginger's telling of the story, she is never able to bear children. Spellbinding reading!
Rain Dance by Joy DeKok (also a past HP member, still living with primary infertility) is a compelling story about what happens when a Christian woman facing a childless future and a woman seeking an abortion are waiting to see the same doctor. The infertile woman feels like she could have been pulled from the pages of my journals!
Empty Womb, Aching Heart: Hope and Help for Those Struggling With Infertility by Marlo Schalesky is a fictionalized compilation of many real-life infertility stories (including my friend Julie Donahue's adoption story!) spanning all aspects of fertility challenges. The short stories are fast reading, realistic and great at getting to the emotional and spiritual heart of each challenge!
The Marriage Wish by Dee Henderson is about a young widow who goes into preterm labor shortly after the death of her husband and their little girl lives only 3 month, all in NICU. It's a tearjerker for sure, but very realistic in dealing with the grief emotions that she processes as she slowly learns to risk loving again.
Several books by Janette Oke include infertility and/or loss themes:
The Love Comes Softly series, while the main character is quite fertile, also includes a subplot of a friend with recurrent losses and eventually giving birth to her only living son with special needs. Later in the same series, there is stillbirth.
Canadian Mountie series, especially by the second and later books, is very much an infertility story and also includes adoption loss and sucessful adoptions.
A Bride for Donnigan has the main character being very unsympathetic with her friend's miscarriage grief until she herself suffers a stillborn baby.
- I know there are other titles that are strong fertility-related plot lines, but these are the ones that come to mind off the top of my head.
Karen Kingsbury has too many fertility-related stories for me to even list. Visit her website (where you can read her own adoption story!) at karenkingsbury.com
Julia's Hope by Leisha Kelly is an after-infertility mom of twins who opens her home as a bed-and-breakfast type place and her first client is a pregnant teen who is sent away to give birth and relinquish her child for adoption to save the family's disgrace. There is a lot of after-infertility emotional processing and conversations with God here.
While I have never had a chance to read it, I've often wanted to pick up The Long Awaited Child by Tracie Peterson. From the Stepping Stones bookstore review: "Novelist Tracie Peterson has written or co-written over 35 novels. This novel is the dual story of a woman, who wants nothing more than to be a mother, and a frightened pregnant teen, who wants nothing more than to run away from that responsibility. Be ready for some tears as you read how each of them overcomes past heartache to give the other her heart's desire."
Angela Hunt has written some compelling things. While not directly related to infertility, both "The Pearl" and "Unspoken" were thought provoking for me. I would not advise reading either when feeling emotionally fragile, and since not written specifically for an infertile audience, there will be things that might not sit well. But Pearl deals with the death of a child and a mother's depth of grief that drives to a splintered marriag and desperate measures including cloning, while Unspoken is a sweet story for anyone with a loving "Fur Baby" (animal/pet that is a stand-in child) in her life, though it does also relate a lot to grief (and has a subplot of miscarraige through another character) and has a rather tragic ending. I have never read "The Truth Teller" by this same author but believe it is a story about an infertile woman who is widowed and tries to still have her husband's child - as with any of Hunt's books, I would expect there to be a lot of plot twisting, no easy answers and ethically challenging complexity involved.
So, what hidden infertility/loss plots have you discovered? Have the books been helpful or hurtful as you have read? Please share your finds by posting a "comment" to this topic!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
A poem for a friend who lost her daughter
I had the honor of spending a few hours this afternoon with a new friend from church who shared with me the beautiful pictures of her little girl who wasn't due until February but went to be with the Lord at 21 weeks. I took with me a teddy bear that I had stuffed for her along with this poem, written in dedication to her little girl:
Tender Hugs Bear
© Jennifer Saake, 2006 (Please do not duplicate without permission.)
Both bear and poem, lovingly crafted in honor and memory of Sara.
When your grieving heart is aching
And your empty arms too heavy to bear,
Hold me close and hug me tender.
I was stuffed for you with many a prayer!
You have loved and lost. They say you are “so strong”.
But they don’t see your heart weep through endless nights and days so long.
I’m just a simple teddy who can’t hope to cure your pain.
But my fur is here to catch your tears whenever your eyes rain.
With questions and emotions all over the place
And a soul-crushing longing for just one more glimpse of her face
Right now how you wrestle with faith and with fear.
Sometimes God seems unreachably distant, other moments amazingly near!
May my hugs be a reminder of our Father who knows
How painful and daily this grieving thing goes.
He too, watched His precious, beloved Baby go.
And the heartache and anguish, these well He does know!
This dark season of sorrow will slowly soften.
In time you may need to hold me less often.
When Sara’s name gradually brings more smiles than tears,
Content on a shelf, I’ll sit through the years.
And when, by surprise, a hard day blows your way
With arms open wide, I’m just a quick hug away.
So until that wonderful, glorious day when He brings reunion with Sara, face-to-face,
My prayer here and now is to be to you, a tiny reflection of His tender grace!
-------------
If you are interested in a Tender Hugs Bear in honor of a special baby in your life, please email me at infertilitymom@stuffafriend.biz for more information.
I am still having computer problems and am sorry if you have tried to email me and not received a reply over these past several weeks. I should have a new computer by January, so please get in touch with me again then.
Tender Hugs Bear
© Jennifer Saake, 2006 (Please do not duplicate without permission.)
Both bear and poem, lovingly crafted in honor and memory of Sara.
When your grieving heart is aching
And your empty arms too heavy to bear,
Hold me close and hug me tender.
I was stuffed for you with many a prayer!
You have loved and lost. They say you are “so strong”.
But they don’t see your heart weep through endless nights and days so long.
I’m just a simple teddy who can’t hope to cure your pain.
But my fur is here to catch your tears whenever your eyes rain.
With questions and emotions all over the place
And a soul-crushing longing for just one more glimpse of her face
Right now how you wrestle with faith and with fear.
Sometimes God seems unreachably distant, other moments amazingly near!
May my hugs be a reminder of our Father who knows
How painful and daily this grieving thing goes.
He too, watched His precious, beloved Baby go.
And the heartache and anguish, these well He does know!
This dark season of sorrow will slowly soften.
In time you may need to hold me less often.
When Sara’s name gradually brings more smiles than tears,
Content on a shelf, I’ll sit through the years.
And when, by surprise, a hard day blows your way
With arms open wide, I’m just a quick hug away.
So until that wonderful, glorious day when He brings reunion with Sara, face-to-face,
My prayer here and now is to be to you, a tiny reflection of His tender grace!
-------------
If you are interested in a Tender Hugs Bear in honor of a special baby in your life, please email me at infertilitymom@stuffafriend.biz for more information.
I am still having computer problems and am sorry if you have tried to email me and not received a reply over these past several weeks. I should have a new computer by January, so please get in touch with me again then.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
National Infertility Awareness Week - Oct. 29 - Nov. 4, 2006
My computer is not a happy camper the last several days, so I'm borrowing Rick's to say hello. (I can only check emails when my computer's in the mood to let me, and going on websites is pretty much out of the question for now.) I have a lot on my heart to share, and am afraid this post might jump topics rather rapidly, but I'm going to take advantage of a working computer and type it all out while I can.
We are soon to enter "National Infertility Awareness Week". Rather than trying to recreate all the infomation for you, feel free to follow this link.
There are a lot of changes happening at my home church. One new step is that Rick and I now have a home fellowship (small group) meeting weekly at our house, one of about 30+ groups meeting church-wide! It looks like the church may soon be set to launch a Celebrate Recovery program, and in conjunction with this, I'm praying about how God may be able to use me to help establish some form of organized local care/support ministry for fertility-related loss issues within our church and community. This has been my heart's desire for many years, yet the timing has never seemed to be in line with God's plan. I'm excited (and a bit nervous) to watch as His plan seems now ready to perhaps begin to unfold in this area. The recent loss of baby Sarah, the daughter of a young couple in our "young adult ministries" group, who was born at 22 weeks and lived just 45 minutes, is a painful reminder of why such a group is so urgently needed.
My health has been problematic over the last several months, especially manifest in painfulness, weakness (loss of grip, etc.), tingling and/or numbness in my hand and feet. My doctor ran a host of tests, but was unable to find anything new, so at this point we are presuming these issues simply to be new manifestations of CFIDS. There is some newer medical research and corncern indicating that CFIDS may actually be a degenerative and/or progressive nereological condition, afterall, so we may just be entering new territory in the ongoing journey of these past 16 years. Please pray for wisdom as I seek a new doctor as mine has just moved out of state.
If you are trying to contact me via email, I am sorry if I have not responded or if I haven't even received your note. Feel free to post a reply here (but please be aware that your note will be publically viewable) and I'll make sure to let you know when my computer is back on its feet again (I'm thinking it may be a while before that happens).
We are soon to enter "National Infertility Awareness Week". Rather than trying to recreate all the infomation for you, feel free to follow this link.
There are a lot of changes happening at my home church. One new step is that Rick and I now have a home fellowship (small group) meeting weekly at our house, one of about 30+ groups meeting church-wide! It looks like the church may soon be set to launch a Celebrate Recovery program, and in conjunction with this, I'm praying about how God may be able to use me to help establish some form of organized local care/support ministry for fertility-related loss issues within our church and community. This has been my heart's desire for many years, yet the timing has never seemed to be in line with God's plan. I'm excited (and a bit nervous) to watch as His plan seems now ready to perhaps begin to unfold in this area. The recent loss of baby Sarah, the daughter of a young couple in our "young adult ministries" group, who was born at 22 weeks and lived just 45 minutes, is a painful reminder of why such a group is so urgently needed.
My health has been problematic over the last several months, especially manifest in painfulness, weakness (loss of grip, etc.), tingling and/or numbness in my hand and feet. My doctor ran a host of tests, but was unable to find anything new, so at this point we are presuming these issues simply to be new manifestations of CFIDS. There is some newer medical research and corncern indicating that CFIDS may actually be a degenerative and/or progressive nereological condition, afterall, so we may just be entering new territory in the ongoing journey of these past 16 years. Please pray for wisdom as I seek a new doctor as mine has just moved out of state.
If you are trying to contact me via email, I am sorry if I have not responded or if I haven't even received your note. Feel free to post a reply here (but please be aware that your note will be publically viewable) and I'll make sure to let you know when my computer is back on its feet again (I'm thinking it may be a while before that happens).
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
In 1988 President Reagan declared October to be "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness" month. Last week, the US Senate, once again, proclaimed October 15th as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (follow link for more info).
Proclamation 5890—Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
October 25th, 1988
By the President of the United States of America
A Proclamation
Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems.
Health care professionals recognize that trends of recent years, such as smaller family size and the postponement of childbearing, adds another dimension of poignance to the grief of parents who have lost infants. More than 700 local, national, and international support groups are supplying programs and strategies designed to help parents cope with their loss. Parents who have suffered their own losses, health care professionals, and specially trained hospital staff members are helping newly bereaved parents deal constructively with loss.
Compassionate Americans are also assisting women who suffer bereavement, guilt, and emotional and physical trauma that accompany post-abortion syndrome. We can and must do a much better job of encouraging adoption as an alternative to abortion; of helping the single parents who wish to raise their babies; and of offering friendship and temporal support to the courageous women and girls who give their children the gifts of life and loving adoptive parents. We can be truly grateful for the devotion and concern provided by all of these citizens, and we should offer them our cooperation and support as well.
The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October 1988 as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month" and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month.
Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.
In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of October, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty-eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirteenth.
RONALD REAGAN
[Filed with the Office of the Federal Register, 11:13 a.m., October 26, 1988]
(October is also National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.)
Proclamation 5890—Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
October 25th, 1988
By the President of the United States of America
A Proclamation
Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems.
Health care professionals recognize that trends of recent years, such as smaller family size and the postponement of childbearing, adds another dimension of poignance to the grief of parents who have lost infants. More than 700 local, national, and international support groups are supplying programs and strategies designed to help parents cope with their loss. Parents who have suffered their own losses, health care professionals, and specially trained hospital staff members are helping newly bereaved parents deal constructively with loss.
Compassionate Americans are also assisting women who suffer bereavement, guilt, and emotional and physical trauma that accompany post-abortion syndrome. We can and must do a much better job of encouraging adoption as an alternative to abortion; of helping the single parents who wish to raise their babies; and of offering friendship and temporal support to the courageous women and girls who give their children the gifts of life and loving adoptive parents. We can be truly grateful for the devotion and concern provided by all of these citizens, and we should offer them our cooperation and support as well.
The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October 1988 as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month" and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month.
Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.
In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of October, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty-eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirteenth.
RONALD REAGAN
[Filed with the Office of the Federal Register, 11:13 a.m., October 26, 1988]
(October is also National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.)
And the Winner is...
Anne is the winner of the Free Book contest . Congratulations, Anne!!!
Anne has been notified by email and has been asked to respond with her mailing address by Oct. 15. If I have not heard back from her by then, I will hold a second chance drawing and name a new winner at that time.
Anne has been notified by email and has been asked to respond with her mailing address by Oct. 15. If I have not heard back from her by then, I will hold a second chance drawing and name a new winner at that time.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
What would my life look like if Hannah's Prayer Ministries didn't exist?
Before I hit my main topic here, let me give a quick reminder that the free book contest (August 16 entry) is only open until the end of this month. Be sure to enter before time runs out!
And now, onto the topic at hand. This week is the 2nd annual pledge drive for Hannah's Prayer. I was asked to write up my testimony of what Hannah's Prayer means to me to be shared with the members of the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums (message boards) and I figured I should post this here as well:
I honestly don't know where I would be today if God hadn't brought HP into my life when He did. What about you???
You see, I tried my local support group chapter of a large national infertility support organization. There was a measure of comfort in finding others who understood the agony of empty arms, and yet these women seemed as lost and hopeless as I was. How could I claw my way out of this dark pit when those I looked to in hopes of being lifted up, only seemed to keep me mired down under the weight of their own anguish? The medical/technical information was often helpful, though it was frustrating to explore treatment options with those who did not share my moral and ethical parameters, nor my conviction that a baby was a person from the moment egg and sperm united. The opening verse of the book of Psalms was clear that such counsel was fruitless for me: "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mocker."
And what of my most burning questions, the ones about God and faith and prayer and sin and how it all fit into my broken heart? These were answered with blank stares and shrugged shoulders. Yes, the medical and the emotional were important to me, but it was the spiritual side of this journey that caused me the most pain. Was there no one to understand? To come alongside? To give answers? To offer hope? The only two Christian women I knew who had dealt with infertility seemed spiritual giants who handled whatever God doled out with grace I could not fathom, leaving me to feel all the more alone in this journey.
I cried out to God over and over, from the depths of my being, yet He remained silent. Human help was not to be found. I was desperate. Suicide seemed more and more attractive. The glimmer of hope that was to have been an adopted son and daughter faded as quickly as it had come, dragging me down deeper into the pit than ever before. And then Mother's Day attacked, threatening the final blow to my shattered soul.
Rick had tried to encourage me through, but I was all-consumed. He must have felt as desperate over the loss of his wife as I was over the loss of our children who might never be. Little did we know how a single book would change my life. It took me many weeks to read my way through that treasure he brought home one day, Debra Bridwell's new book, The Ache for a Child. It hurt too much to read more than a page or two at a time, but here I was finally relating to a Christian woman who shared my convictions as well as the depths of my grief! Through her words, God began to move and mend and restore hope.
When Debbie described the Christian infertility support group she had helped start at her church, I knew this was the kind of support I had been craving with every fiber of my being. God challenged me anew with Hannah's story (a story that I had grown to truly hate over the prior year, by the way), and I knew instantly that God was birthing a new ministry called "Hannah's Prayer." Little did I know what He had in store!
We intended small monthly meetings in our living room and occasional BBQs and bowling trips with other childless families. Our first group meeting was January, 1995. The group itself remained quite small, but word spread and we started a newsletter that summer, printing 25 copies and not having any idea if we could ever use that many! But our mailing list quickly grew into the hundreds and collecting stories, editing, writing, printing and mailing those quarterly publications became my full-time focus. In the midst of all this I stood back in awe thinking, "I keep hearing from ladies how much Hannah's Prayer is helping them, but they will never understand how much HP has been an answer to my own prayers. I'm thankful that no one else has to flounder alone like we did, but HP means more to me that it ever could to anyone else! This group exists purely out of my selfish motives because I so needed the support!"
Rick could see the potential for ongoing growth and started a website against my concerned protests. I was terrified of computers and told him that if he wanted to put us "online"(whatever that was) that he had to take care of that whole part of it. I wanted nothing to do with computers and was especially leery of the Internet! But God stretched me once again and Rick soon had me answering emails and exploring websites and newsgroups (the now antiquated predecessor of message boards). When I typed "infertility"into a search engine for the first time in April, 1996, I pulled up a grand total of 5 websites. [For perspective, I just typed "infertility" into Yahoo (the search engine I believe I used for that initial search) and pulled up 16,200,000 websites, while Google gave 17,100,000 results!]
Thanks to the Internet, we soon had several small support group "chapters" scattered over a handful of US states and even two in South Africa. Each support group was outfitted with a small lending library of quality infertility and loss books and God's grace continued to unfold in heart after grieving but healing heart. I think it took me this long to realize that while HP had been a direct answer to my need, it really was not "just about me" and that God's plans were on a much grander scale. I'm so very thankful that He was never limited by my low horizons!
It was about this time that I received an email from Julie Donahue, telling me of her little email group of 30 married Christian women dealing with various stages and aspects of fertility challenges. (I was still computer illiterate enough that it took me several more months to understand that I could actually join this group myself!) Julie's done a great job in outlining God's work in the combined ministries over the years, so you can read "the rest of the story" in her post. [Within the Community Forums, this statement was linked to a post by "Ladies In Waiting" founder, Julie Donahue, also posted as a testimony on the message boards this week.]
All of this to say, while HP has been an ongoing blessing, what it means to me today has certainly changed and deepened over the years. I've seen how wrong I was in thinking that HP could never mean as much to others as it did to me, for this has long since ceased to be "my baby" but rather an awesome and mature ministry, brought about by the hours and tears and prayers and sacrifices of many! I’ve been privileged to watch from the beginning, in awe, as God's grace has blessed and grown this ministry by leaps and bounds, far beyond anything I could have ever wished or imagined!
What HP is today, He has done by raising up generation after generation of faithful leadership and a strong membership of women who are seeking hard after His heart in the midst of their deep grief. To every woman who has opened up your heart to the Lord and to your sisters here, thank you for sharing in this ongoing work of the Lord. For every prayer prayed for this ministry as a whole, or for the trials an unknown stranger-become-friend whom you have learned to love, or for wisdom and strength and grace for our leadership - thank you! To each and every leader here (past and present) who has given of your love and time sacrificially, often laying your own pain aside to bless others, please remember the scared little girl I once was, on the verge of utter hopelessness, and remember that God is repeating His grace to other broken hearts over and over through your tenderness and compassion. And most of all, to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, thank you that you love each and every one of us enough that through my selfishness, you saw every face, knew every tear, and loved every heart that would be touched by HP the day you first planted this seed of hope in my hungry heart.
One thing that deeply disturbed me about the secular support services I turned to was that there was always a cost involved. We were struggling to make ends meet, to even keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, much less surmount the costs of treatment or adoption, and when I reached out for help, it seemed heartless to face a "We'll help you when you pay us" mentality. (OK, so that's probably not the way it was intended, but that's how it came across to me at the time.) So from the very foundations of HP, there has been a strong leadership commitment to never place financial pressure on our members for any HP service. God's grace is free, and so should access to this aspect of that grace!
With this in mind, let me leave you with this challenge. If you truly are not in a situation where you can help meet financial needs of this ministry, or if God has not called you to give here even if you are financially able, then please pray about what other gift you can offer back to Him instead - perhaps a commitment to daily prayer, or an inquiry to Erin S. about what leadership needs you might be able to offer to help fill, or the willingness to send out a few copies of the fundraising letter Hope has posted [again, linked to another post on the message boards, but the same letter is posted in full below - please feel free to pass it along].
Or if financial giving is a way God is leading you to help, what can you give up to help make this a reality? Is there a new pair of shoes you would be willing to skip buying this fall, or can you give up your trips to Starbucks for a month and send that money to HP instead? (Yes, I understand about withdrawals, but think of the withdrawals you feel here on the days the message boards go down!) I honestly don't know where I would be today if God hadn't brought HP into my life when He did. What about you??? Please take some time this week to prayerfully seek God's plan for you in the big picture of all He has planned for HP. Your gift may seem like a very small thing, but I've learned from experience that God can grow small seeds very BIG when given to Him with a full heart.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
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How to Donate:
(posted by HP Treasurer, Hope)
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It's time to kickoff our Second Annual Hannah's Prayer Ministries Pledge Drive! This will run until Friday night, September 29th. Last year's pledge drive was our first one and was a great success due to all the support we received. We are excited to see what God has in store for this week as we kickoff this one!
This year we have 2 goals we are working towards. The first is a one-time gifts goal of $5,000. This money will primarily be used for the 2007 Annual Board Meeting and to really kick-off our Vision Fund. The board meeting is one of our largest expenses each year and one where we often fall short.
I would like to spend a little more time explaining the Vision Fund. This is a fund the HP Board of Directors set up in 2005. We set aside some money each year to prepare for ministry growth, future needs, expanding into new territories, etc. Basically, we feel like God has blessed this ministry greatly and never want to feel like HP cannot go where He leads due to financial constraints. I think this fund is exciting as I have seen HP grow in leaps in bounds over the past few years. I am very much looking forward to how God can use this money and this ministry in the future!
The second goal this year is to increase the monthly support by $500 each month. The monthly support allows the ministry to meet its financial obligations with security through a stable income. While God has led people to give to this ministry when we have needed it and we believe in Him to continue to do so, we also believe we have a responsibility in planning and preparing to support this ministry.
Our hope is the you will prayerfully consider how you can give in one or both of these ways. As I have stated before, please remember that gifts are welcome no matter the amount. We also want to say that we know that there is a financial burden that often comes along in dealing with fertility challenges. We never wish to increase that burden! It is through a cumulative effort of those giving what they can and when they can that meets the needs of this ministry. Please do not feel saddened or guilty if you cannot give at this time.
Remember that all donations are tax-deductible!
So, you're probably asking yourself, "How do I pledge?" It's very simple. To make a pledge, simply e-mail me (hope@hannah.org) the following information,
Name
Mailing Address
E-mail Address
Pledge Amount & Type (one time or monthly)
I will in turn e-mail to you a confirmation letter within 24 hours which will let you know the details of where you can submit your donation(through Paypal or mail).
-------
FUNDRAISING LETTER:
(Feel free to copy and share or repost anywhere!)
------
Dear Friend,
I am writing to you on behalf of Hannah’s Prayer Ministries and the thousands of members we minister to daily. Please take a moment and read about our ministry and how you can help support what God is doing.
Did you know that infertility affects about 6.1 million Americans, or 10 percent of the reproductive age population, according to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine? Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive within one year of unprotected intercourse, or the inability to carry a child to live birth.
Since the term "infertility" is limited, as we have grown, we coined the term "fertility challenges" to cover the standard definition of "infertility" in conjunction with the sorrows of stillbirth, early infant death, or those who are able to get pregnant easily, but who have suffered the loss of a child at some point between conception and early infancy.
Being unable to conceive a much-wanted child, or carry a pregnancy to term, can fill a couple with sadness, grief, anger, despair, and even a sense of personal failure. Hannah’s Prayer Ministries provides Christian based support and encouragement to women around the world who are struggling with this pain.
As with any ministry, there is a financial burden. Up until now, God has blessed Hannah’s Prayer Ministries through the gifts of various generous givers and a few occasional fundraisers. With the rapid growth of this ministry, we are reaching the limits of our financial budget. That is why I am writing to you – we need your help. Would you be willing to share the blessings you have received with this incredible ministry?
Please keep in mind that Hannah's Prayer Ministries is a California based, non-profit 501( c )(3) organization. All staff members are unpaid volunteers who are proclaiming Christians (from a range of denominational backgrounds) and have personal experience with the heartache of fertility challenges.
We are asking for donations or a commitment to a monthly gift to support our efforts to help women facing fertility challenges. Would you please make out your check to Hannah’s Prayer Ministries and mail it to P.O. Box 3321 in Borger, Texas 79008? There is also an option on giving through Paypal if you would like. A lot of women who need our help would be grateful if you could send us your tax-deductible donation today.
We are sincerely grateful for your support!
Sincerely,
P.S. We would be happy to send you more information about our ministry. You can find more information at www.hannah.org or e-mail us at fundraising@hannah.org for more information.
And now, onto the topic at hand. This week is the 2nd annual pledge drive for Hannah's Prayer. I was asked to write up my testimony of what Hannah's Prayer means to me to be shared with the members of the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums (message boards) and I figured I should post this here as well:
I honestly don't know where I would be today if God hadn't brought HP into my life when He did. What about you???
You see, I tried my local support group chapter of a large national infertility support organization. There was a measure of comfort in finding others who understood the agony of empty arms, and yet these women seemed as lost and hopeless as I was. How could I claw my way out of this dark pit when those I looked to in hopes of being lifted up, only seemed to keep me mired down under the weight of their own anguish? The medical/technical information was often helpful, though it was frustrating to explore treatment options with those who did not share my moral and ethical parameters, nor my conviction that a baby was a person from the moment egg and sperm united. The opening verse of the book of Psalms was clear that such counsel was fruitless for me: "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mocker."
And what of my most burning questions, the ones about God and faith and prayer and sin and how it all fit into my broken heart? These were answered with blank stares and shrugged shoulders. Yes, the medical and the emotional were important to me, but it was the spiritual side of this journey that caused me the most pain. Was there no one to understand? To come alongside? To give answers? To offer hope? The only two Christian women I knew who had dealt with infertility seemed spiritual giants who handled whatever God doled out with grace I could not fathom, leaving me to feel all the more alone in this journey.
I cried out to God over and over, from the depths of my being, yet He remained silent. Human help was not to be found. I was desperate. Suicide seemed more and more attractive. The glimmer of hope that was to have been an adopted son and daughter faded as quickly as it had come, dragging me down deeper into the pit than ever before. And then Mother's Day attacked, threatening the final blow to my shattered soul.
Rick had tried to encourage me through, but I was all-consumed. He must have felt as desperate over the loss of his wife as I was over the loss of our children who might never be. Little did we know how a single book would change my life. It took me many weeks to read my way through that treasure he brought home one day, Debra Bridwell's new book, The Ache for a Child. It hurt too much to read more than a page or two at a time, but here I was finally relating to a Christian woman who shared my convictions as well as the depths of my grief! Through her words, God began to move and mend and restore hope.
When Debbie described the Christian infertility support group she had helped start at her church, I knew this was the kind of support I had been craving with every fiber of my being. God challenged me anew with Hannah's story (a story that I had grown to truly hate over the prior year, by the way), and I knew instantly that God was birthing a new ministry called "Hannah's Prayer." Little did I know what He had in store!
We intended small monthly meetings in our living room and occasional BBQs and bowling trips with other childless families. Our first group meeting was January, 1995. The group itself remained quite small, but word spread and we started a newsletter that summer, printing 25 copies and not having any idea if we could ever use that many! But our mailing list quickly grew into the hundreds and collecting stories, editing, writing, printing and mailing those quarterly publications became my full-time focus. In the midst of all this I stood back in awe thinking, "I keep hearing from ladies how much Hannah's Prayer is helping them, but they will never understand how much HP has been an answer to my own prayers. I'm thankful that no one else has to flounder alone like we did, but HP means more to me that it ever could to anyone else! This group exists purely out of my selfish motives because I so needed the support!"
Rick could see the potential for ongoing growth and started a website against my concerned protests. I was terrified of computers and told him that if he wanted to put us "online"(whatever that was) that he had to take care of that whole part of it. I wanted nothing to do with computers and was especially leery of the Internet! But God stretched me once again and Rick soon had me answering emails and exploring websites and newsgroups (the now antiquated predecessor of message boards). When I typed "infertility"into a search engine for the first time in April, 1996, I pulled up a grand total of 5 websites. [For perspective, I just typed "infertility" into Yahoo (the search engine I believe I used for that initial search) and pulled up 16,200,000 websites, while Google gave 17,100,000 results!]
Thanks to the Internet, we soon had several small support group "chapters" scattered over a handful of US states and even two in South Africa. Each support group was outfitted with a small lending library of quality infertility and loss books and God's grace continued to unfold in heart after grieving but healing heart. I think it took me this long to realize that while HP had been a direct answer to my need, it really was not "just about me" and that God's plans were on a much grander scale. I'm so very thankful that He was never limited by my low horizons!
It was about this time that I received an email from Julie Donahue, telling me of her little email group of 30 married Christian women dealing with various stages and aspects of fertility challenges. (I was still computer illiterate enough that it took me several more months to understand that I could actually join this group myself!) Julie's done a great job in outlining God's work in the combined ministries over the years, so you can read "the rest of the story" in her post. [Within the Community Forums, this statement was linked to a post by "Ladies In Waiting" founder, Julie Donahue, also posted as a testimony on the message boards this week.]
All of this to say, while HP has been an ongoing blessing, what it means to me today has certainly changed and deepened over the years. I've seen how wrong I was in thinking that HP could never mean as much to others as it did to me, for this has long since ceased to be "my baby" but rather an awesome and mature ministry, brought about by the hours and tears and prayers and sacrifices of many! I’ve been privileged to watch from the beginning, in awe, as God's grace has blessed and grown this ministry by leaps and bounds, far beyond anything I could have ever wished or imagined!
What HP is today, He has done by raising up generation after generation of faithful leadership and a strong membership of women who are seeking hard after His heart in the midst of their deep grief. To every woman who has opened up your heart to the Lord and to your sisters here, thank you for sharing in this ongoing work of the Lord. For every prayer prayed for this ministry as a whole, or for the trials an unknown stranger-become-friend whom you have learned to love, or for wisdom and strength and grace for our leadership - thank you! To each and every leader here (past and present) who has given of your love and time sacrificially, often laying your own pain aside to bless others, please remember the scared little girl I once was, on the verge of utter hopelessness, and remember that God is repeating His grace to other broken hearts over and over through your tenderness and compassion. And most of all, to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, thank you that you love each and every one of us enough that through my selfishness, you saw every face, knew every tear, and loved every heart that would be touched by HP the day you first planted this seed of hope in my hungry heart.
One thing that deeply disturbed me about the secular support services I turned to was that there was always a cost involved. We were struggling to make ends meet, to even keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, much less surmount the costs of treatment or adoption, and when I reached out for help, it seemed heartless to face a "We'll help you when you pay us" mentality. (OK, so that's probably not the way it was intended, but that's how it came across to me at the time.) So from the very foundations of HP, there has been a strong leadership commitment to never place financial pressure on our members for any HP service. God's grace is free, and so should access to this aspect of that grace!
With this in mind, let me leave you with this challenge. If you truly are not in a situation where you can help meet financial needs of this ministry, or if God has not called you to give here even if you are financially able, then please pray about what other gift you can offer back to Him instead - perhaps a commitment to daily prayer, or an inquiry to Erin S. about what leadership needs you might be able to offer to help fill, or the willingness to send out a few copies of the fundraising letter Hope has posted [again, linked to another post on the message boards, but the same letter is posted in full below - please feel free to pass it along].
Or if financial giving is a way God is leading you to help, what can you give up to help make this a reality? Is there a new pair of shoes you would be willing to skip buying this fall, or can you give up your trips to Starbucks for a month and send that money to HP instead? (Yes, I understand about withdrawals, but think of the withdrawals you feel here on the days the message boards go down!) I honestly don't know where I would be today if God hadn't brought HP into my life when He did. What about you??? Please take some time this week to prayerfully seek God's plan for you in the big picture of all He has planned for HP. Your gift may seem like a very small thing, but I've learned from experience that God can grow small seeds very BIG when given to Him with a full heart.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
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How to Donate:
(posted by HP Treasurer, Hope)
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It's time to kickoff our Second Annual Hannah's Prayer Ministries Pledge Drive! This will run until Friday night, September 29th. Last year's pledge drive was our first one and was a great success due to all the support we received. We are excited to see what God has in store for this week as we kickoff this one!
This year we have 2 goals we are working towards. The first is a one-time gifts goal of $5,000. This money will primarily be used for the 2007 Annual Board Meeting and to really kick-off our Vision Fund. The board meeting is one of our largest expenses each year and one where we often fall short.
I would like to spend a little more time explaining the Vision Fund. This is a fund the HP Board of Directors set up in 2005. We set aside some money each year to prepare for ministry growth, future needs, expanding into new territories, etc. Basically, we feel like God has blessed this ministry greatly and never want to feel like HP cannot go where He leads due to financial constraints. I think this fund is exciting as I have seen HP grow in leaps in bounds over the past few years. I am very much looking forward to how God can use this money and this ministry in the future!
The second goal this year is to increase the monthly support by $500 each month. The monthly support allows the ministry to meet its financial obligations with security through a stable income. While God has led people to give to this ministry when we have needed it and we believe in Him to continue to do so, we also believe we have a responsibility in planning and preparing to support this ministry.
Our hope is the you will prayerfully consider how you can give in one or both of these ways. As I have stated before, please remember that gifts are welcome no matter the amount. We also want to say that we know that there is a financial burden that often comes along in dealing with fertility challenges. We never wish to increase that burden! It is through a cumulative effort of those giving what they can and when they can that meets the needs of this ministry. Please do not feel saddened or guilty if you cannot give at this time.
Remember that all donations are tax-deductible!
So, you're probably asking yourself, "How do I pledge?" It's very simple. To make a pledge, simply e-mail me (hope@hannah.org) the following information,
Name
Mailing Address
E-mail Address
Pledge Amount & Type (one time or monthly)
I will in turn e-mail to you a confirmation letter within 24 hours which will let you know the details of where you can submit your donation(through Paypal or mail).
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FUNDRAISING LETTER:
(Feel free to copy and share or repost anywhere!)
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Dear Friend,
I am writing to you on behalf of Hannah’s Prayer Ministries and the thousands of members we minister to daily. Please take a moment and read about our ministry and how you can help support what God is doing.
Did you know that infertility affects about 6.1 million Americans, or 10 percent of the reproductive age population, according to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine? Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive within one year of unprotected intercourse, or the inability to carry a child to live birth.
Since the term "infertility" is limited, as we have grown, we coined the term "fertility challenges" to cover the standard definition of "infertility" in conjunction with the sorrows of stillbirth, early infant death, or those who are able to get pregnant easily, but who have suffered the loss of a child at some point between conception and early infancy.
Being unable to conceive a much-wanted child, or carry a pregnancy to term, can fill a couple with sadness, grief, anger, despair, and even a sense of personal failure. Hannah’s Prayer Ministries provides Christian based support and encouragement to women around the world who are struggling with this pain.
As with any ministry, there is a financial burden. Up until now, God has blessed Hannah’s Prayer Ministries through the gifts of various generous givers and a few occasional fundraisers. With the rapid growth of this ministry, we are reaching the limits of our financial budget. That is why I am writing to you – we need your help. Would you be willing to share the blessings you have received with this incredible ministry?
Please keep in mind that Hannah's Prayer Ministries is a California based, non-profit 501( c )(3) organization. All staff members are unpaid volunteers who are proclaiming Christians (from a range of denominational backgrounds) and have personal experience with the heartache of fertility challenges.
We are asking for donations or a commitment to a monthly gift to support our efforts to help women facing fertility challenges. Would you please make out your check to Hannah’s Prayer Ministries and mail it to P.O. Box 3321 in Borger, Texas 79008? There is also an option on giving through Paypal if you would like. A lot of women who need our help would be grateful if you could send us your tax-deductible donation today.
We are sincerely grateful for your support!
Sincerely,
P.S. We would be happy to send you more information about our ministry. You can find more information at www.hannah.org or e-mail us at fundraising@hannah.org for more information.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Testimony from a Reader (pregnancy mentioned)
Carla recently shared this story and has graciously allowed me to pass it along to you:
I have hestitated sharing my story with you for fear of causing somebody more pain. But I need to give glory to God, and I long to bring other IFer's some hope and comfort. I want to say to all those out there who are still waiting and longing, I don’t know what God has in mind for you. I believe that we often suffer because we live in a bad, sinful, fallen world, not because God has willed this misfortune on us. And He doesn't always choose to reverse our losses in the way we hope or ask. But I DO know that He cares when we hurt and that He IS involved in our lives. And when He decides to intervene in human affairs, nothing can stop Him. So don’t lose your hope. Keep holding on!
My infertility and miracle-baby story:
“If I could just get rid of this terrible desire to have a baby…It overwhelms me, suffocating my joy and sucking the lifeblood from my heart. The music is gone. My soul is BARREN. Only a few lone cacti dare survive in this harsh desert I call my soul.” – Journal, Dec. 2005
What had naively begun as an expectedly simple process had turned into more than a 6½ year struggle with infertility. Now, after several years of intensive medical treatments, I was physically and emotionally drained. Even God was silent. I didn’t hear or feel anything from Him and sometimes wondered if He had abandoned me. After years of what seemed like endless silence, I started seeing faint tokens of His work in my life. A couple of times I even received direct promises of hope from the Bible, but after repeated disappointments I was hardly brave enough to hope. Were these really from God or the imaginings of my own desperate heart?
One such morning began rather ordinarily, but while reading the book of Daniel, I suddenly realized that God was speaking to ME. Near the end of the 70-year Babylonian captivity, Daniel asks God to restore Jerusalem’s desolations (9:17-9). “Now therefore, O our Lord, hear the pray of thy servant and his supplications, and cause Thy face to shine upon Thy sanctuary that is desolate…” I knew the rest of the story well. When the time was fulfilled, God did deliver His people so they could return to their native land.
Several things from the story grabbed my attention, in such rapid succession and in such a strong manner that I felt carried beyond my own thoughts and ideas. “Sanctuary” and “desolate”…I distinctly recognized a similarity between the destruction of the temple and my own desolation (infertility). Then the 70 years…It occurred to me that the 70 years might have a time-scale significance for our lives (70=7). Could it be possible that we would have our desolations removed after 7 years of infertility (at this point, we’d been trying to have children for nearly 6 years)? It was like God had directly told me something but again I wasn’t sure if it was really Him or not.
Around this time, a friend of mine sent me a copy of the book “Hannah’s Hope”. I literally devoured it, realizing that although I’d been in tremendous pain for years, I’d not really known how to grieve my loss.
As I began to work through the issues, the fountains of long-retrained grief broke open. The tears began to bring healing. Not that the longing became less intense, but a calmness, peace and surrender began to take the place of desperation. I experienced some of the sweetest fellowship with my Lord that I had ever had before. I began to see how GOOD He really is, regardless of what I got or didn’t get in this life. For the first time in my life, I was able to praise Him in spite of my loss. Of course, the pain didn't just magically go away.
Up to this point, we had already unsuccessfully undergone 4 fresh IVF/ICSI cycles. However, our next IVF/ICSI cycle appeared to be a big success. The signs were all positive, but the following 2 blood tests showed that although there had been a short pregnancy, it was no longer viable. We were crushed--it hurt beyond words After all these years of trying, this loss was nearly unbearable. To compound everything, my body was thrown into total confusion, with several complications (including 2 large cysts).
The intervening time of waiting seemed unbearably long. We had one last IVF cycle awaiting us, but month after month rolled by and still my body wouldn’t cooperate. Finally it became apparent that we were going to have to wait until after the summer vacation to begin again. Then, after weeks of complications, my body just seemed to shut down. Nothing was happening. Out of desperation, I finally determined to go in for a blood test and ultrasound to see what was going on.
I had no clue that today would be a big way-mark in my life. Ultrasound pictures showed that the cysts were completely gone. My bloodwork indicated I was on day 1 of my cycle, and miraculously I also began my period that very day. The nurse said everything was perfect to start our last (#6) IVF cycle if we wanted. I was in total shock--my world had just turned around by 180 degrees in a matter of hours!!
But I was also a little bewildered. While I was excited to begin our last try, we already had reservations to fly home to see my parents during the summer vacation. I was torn. In bed that night, I wrestled with God and my own heart. Should we do the treatment now or later? As I prayed and asked for some clear guidance, I heard an almost audible little voice saying “Behold I have set before thee an open door and no man can shut it.” (Revelation 3:8). This verse had popped into my head so suddenly, I couldn’t help but realize that God had spoken to me, urging us forward.
We cancelled our tickets and began doing intensive hormonal injections. Two weeks later I went in for the egg pick-up (4 eggs in total). In all the other treatment cycles, we’d never had more than 1 egg fertilize per stimulation cycle. But as I was lying in bed the night after the procedure, I asked God for 2 embryos as a tangible sign of His love and care. Even if I didn’t get pregnant, at least I would know He’d heard and answered our prayers. I prayed and prayed. All of a sudden, I felt I didn’t need to pray anymore. My prayers had truly been heard because three days later, two beautiful embryos were transferred to my uterus.
Then we prayed like we’d never prayed before! During this time, I had no symptoms like before and was gradually losing hope. The morning before the blood test at the clinic, I did my own pregnancy test at home because I wanted to be mentally prepared. I didn’t feel I could handle another “no” from the nurse over the phone. It was a BFN! We felt numb, sad, disillusioned. Our last try for our own child—and that was it. There was not going to be a child.
Despite our extreme disappointment, we went in for the blood test as a matter of routine. Several hours later my husband called in for the results, expecting the official “no” to come over the line. I noticed a strange look come over his face and he was nearly shouting with excitement, “What? HCG is 230? Are you sure???...”
Then I knew it! We were on! We wanted to laugh, to cry, to shout it out to the whole world! Wow!!! God had done it, and just when we had lost all hope!
It began to dawn on me that God had indeed literally fulfilled His promise about restoring our desolations. In fact, when the baby is born, it will have been exactly 7 years since we started trying to conceive, just as God promised. God had directly intervened in changing the timing of my body so we could do the last treatment cycle at that precise time. It was so marked, so unmistakable. I give Him all the glory!
Friday, September 15, 2006
National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week
I had intended to post this at least a week ago, but as I'm still in the window of dates from Sept. 11-17, 2006, I would rather get something posted, "better late than never"! A ministry that hits very close to home for me, Rest Ministries has been the driving force behind the establisment of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awarness Week (NICIAW). According to the ministy's NICIAW press release, "96% of Illness is Invisible – Many Look Good but Feel Terrible". This description often fits me all too well.
The document goes on to say:
I really wish I had gotten this information posted sooner as I know it is already too late to participate in most of the great chats and some of the speciality support this week. But if you are looking for encouragement for your hidden health struggles, I give Rest Ministries my highest recommendation!
The document goes on to say:
Nearly 1 in 2 Americans has a chronic condition, and 96% of them live with an illness that is invisible. These people do no use a cane or any assistive device and may look perfectly healthy. Sixty percent are between the ages of 18 and 64. September 11-17, 2006 is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. The theme is "My Illness Is Invisible But My Hope Shines Through!” It is a major public awareness campaign sponsored by HopeKeepers Magazine, a consumer magazine that offers spiritual encouragement for those who live with chronic illness or pain.
Paul J. Donoghue and Mary Siegel, co-sponsors of the week and authors of "Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired: Living With Invisible Chronic Illness" say, "Invisible chronic illnesses (ICI) have symptoms that are difficult to see and impossible to measure such as pain and fatigue. So those with ICI frequently encounter not compassion and support but impatience and skepticism from physicians and loved ones."
“Living with an illness that is invisible to those around us can often have a more devastating affect on our emotional health than the physical pain,” explains Lisa Copen, 37, editor of HopeKeepers Magazine who lives with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. “Each day we must choose to have hope, despite how medications and alternative treatments may help or hinder us.”
Copen is the author of a book, "Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend." “Part of our campaign is to encourage people to ‘care enough to be informed,” says Copen. “Just because someone isn’t using a wheelchair doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have a disability. Friends and family of those with chronic illness care a great deal about what their loved ones are going through, but oftentimes the invisibility of the illness sets up an environment for misunderstandings and even doubt about the validity of the illness. We hope to increase awareness of how many people ‘look great’ but are hurting deeply.”
Outreach includes various events: the distribution of free literature such as a 5.5 x 8.5 card with multiple ways to encourage a chronically ill friend. Other resources include "You Look So Good: A Guide to Understanding and Encouraging People With Chronic, Debilitating Illness and Pain."
Fifteen online seminars will be held during the week featuring chronic illness coaches, authors, nutritionists and other professionals. Promotional items like t-shirts, bumper stickers and bracelets are available.
For a complete list of events and resources visit http://www.invisibleillness.com or call 888-751-7378.
“The feeling of knowing that one’s illness and pain is acknowledged can have a great impact on how a person copes with living with illness,” says Copen. “We hope that by recognizing people with illness rarely feel as good as they look, they will begin to feel better understood, leading them to a more invigorating life!”
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INTERESTING FACT: HopeKeepers Magazine is published by the sponsor of Rest Ministries. It’s the only Christian consumer magazine specifically written for people in chronic pain. www.hopekeepersmagazine.com
BOOK INFO: Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend; Author: Lisa Copen; dimensions:
4.25 x 7 in.; 94 pages; Rest Ministries Publishers 2005; ISBN 0-9716600-6-9.
*(Chronic Care in America: A 21st Century Challenge, a study of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.).
I really wish I had gotten this information posted sooner as I know it is already too late to participate in most of the great chats and some of the speciality support this week. But if you are looking for encouragement for your hidden health struggles, I give Rest Ministries my highest recommendation!
Friday, September 01, 2006
11 years?
For a few weeks I had been feeling really "down" and not coping well with daily life. Rick even asked me if I was angry at him for something and I didn't have any idea I had been coming across so snappy with those I love.
When Rick went out of town for a couple days late last week, I used a long night-time house-clean session to have a long talk with the Lord (cleaning my heart along with our home). I realized that a big part of the picture is that I've been neglectful with making consistent time with Him a daily priority. I always get myself in trouble that way.
I also must admit that I've been physically really hurting, everything from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet, and almost everything in between, with many "hot spots" of more intense pain. When I'm hurting so much, it is hard to live gracefully. This is not an excuse, but rather should have been a warning sign to me to heighten my vigilance in seeking daily strength at the Pieced Feet that long to carry me in Strength when I can no longer "do it" on my own.
I do not discount either of those "factors" as to their profound impact in my ability to relate well to those around me. But I realized this week that Noel's 11th birthday would have been about now. I had thought of her quite a bit in the earlier part of the summer, but recently hadn't been "dwelling" on what time of year it was. To realize again what dates were upon us, suddenly made much of what I've been feeling "make sense".
The more years I'm distanced from my losses, the more it catches me by surprise that I'm still so profoundly impacted by due dates, anniversaries and dates of significance such as this. Now that I'm aware, God and I are working on making Him Lord of my heart, my life, and this ongoing grief journey once again. Happy 11th Birthday, my beautiful would-be-adolescent!
When Rick went out of town for a couple days late last week, I used a long night-time house-clean session to have a long talk with the Lord (cleaning my heart along with our home). I realized that a big part of the picture is that I've been neglectful with making consistent time with Him a daily priority. I always get myself in trouble that way.
I also must admit that I've been physically really hurting, everything from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet, and almost everything in between, with many "hot spots" of more intense pain. When I'm hurting so much, it is hard to live gracefully. This is not an excuse, but rather should have been a warning sign to me to heighten my vigilance in seeking daily strength at the Pieced Feet that long to carry me in Strength when I can no longer "do it" on my own.
I do not discount either of those "factors" as to their profound impact in my ability to relate well to those around me. But I realized this week that Noel's 11th birthday would have been about now. I had thought of her quite a bit in the earlier part of the summer, but recently hadn't been "dwelling" on what time of year it was. To realize again what dates were upon us, suddenly made much of what I've been feeling "make sense".
The more years I'm distanced from my losses, the more it catches me by surprise that I'm still so profoundly impacted by due dates, anniversaries and dates of significance such as this. Now that I'm aware, God and I are working on making Him Lord of my heart, my life, and this ongoing grief journey once again. Happy 11th Birthday, my beautiful would-be-adolescent!
Monday, August 28, 2006
Yes, you knew I would have to include teddy bears in this blog eventually!
Anyone who knows me in real life probably knows of my love for teddy bears. So it was only a matter of time before the furry creatures managed to somehow creap their way into my blogs...
Here's my latest adventure (some parenting/kid talk, but also intended to be infertility and loss sensitive).
Here's my latest adventure (some parenting/kid talk, but also intended to be infertility and loss sensitive).
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Free eBook copy of "Rain Dance"!
Read it all so you don't miss a thing.
Free ebook offer and free paper book contest offer below!
What happens when a Christian woman facing a childless future and a woman seeking an abortion are waiting to see the same doctor?
What if, after that “chance” encounter, they are unable to forget each other?
What if, in spite of their drastic differences, they find themselves drawn together by their surprising similarities?
What if they somehow find the courage to become friends?
Joy DeKok, a friend who knows infertility's grief intimately, will take you into the hearts of these two women as they journey closer to the heart of the One who offers hope and healing. Don't let the topic of abortion scare you away from reading this book. I found the infertile character mirrored my feelings so closely I sometimes wondered if Joy had lifted her directly from the pages of my private journals! And I left with a new heart of compassion for women who find themselves in unplanned pregnancy.
This story is worth the read! And best of all, right now Joy is offering her novel in electronic format free of charge! To request your free copy, visit Joy's website and look for the pink "From Me to You" box about 2/3 of the way down the page. Or contact Joy directly at raindance@joydekok.com with "Rain Dance e-Book Request" in your subject line. A paper copy of the book can also be ordered from Joy's site (along with many online bookstores) for $15.
And if you "post a comment" in reply to this message between now and September 30, 2006, I will enter your email address in a random drawing for a free book. Winner will be notified by email and posted in this blog in early October and will have a choice between a copy of Joy's Rain Dance or a copy of Hannah's Hope. Please note that you must post from a valid Blogger account and/or include a contact email address in your reply if you wish to be entered in the contest as I will have no way to notify "Anonymous" posters of winning!
Free ebook offer and free paper book contest offer below!
What happens when a Christian woman facing a childless future and a woman seeking an abortion are waiting to see the same doctor?
What if, after that “chance” encounter, they are unable to forget each other?
What if, in spite of their drastic differences, they find themselves drawn together by their surprising similarities?
What if they somehow find the courage to become friends?
Joy DeKok, a friend who knows infertility's grief intimately, will take you into the hearts of these two women as they journey closer to the heart of the One who offers hope and healing. Don't let the topic of abortion scare you away from reading this book. I found the infertile character mirrored my feelings so closely I sometimes wondered if Joy had lifted her directly from the pages of my private journals! And I left with a new heart of compassion for women who find themselves in unplanned pregnancy.
This story is worth the read! And best of all, right now Joy is offering her novel in electronic format free of charge! To request your free copy, visit Joy's website and look for the pink "From Me to You" box about 2/3 of the way down the page. Or contact Joy directly at raindance@joydekok.com with "Rain Dance e-Book Request" in your subject line. A paper copy of the book can also be ordered from Joy's site (along with many online bookstores) for $15.
And if you "post a comment" in reply to this message between now and September 30, 2006, I will enter your email address in a random drawing for a free book. Winner will be notified by email and posted in this blog in early October and will have a choice between a copy of Joy's Rain Dance or a copy of Hannah's Hope. Please note that you must post from a valid Blogger account and/or include a contact email address in your reply if you wish to be entered in the contest as I will have no way to notify "Anonymous" posters of winning!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
WBCL Interview Link
Thank you Mid-Morning Live! Lynne Ford, what a delightful morning with you. Thank you for allowing me to share with your listeners today.
Missed the interview? Listen here.
Missed the interview? Listen here.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Aug. 1 Radio Interview (WBCL, Fort Wayne IN)
Just a quick post to say hi and share a few little rambling thoughts.
I have another birthday on Monday - wow the years fly by faster and faster with each one! Then on Tuesday morning I have a live radio interview (via telephone) that airs at 9:05 am EST on WBCL Radio out of Fort Wayne, Indiana . Because I'm west coast, this means I have to interview at 6am (and I'm not a morning person), so please pray that I can be awake enough for clear thinking and answering and that God will use my words to His glory to meet hurting hearts.
I heard from Shelly that this round of chemo was much easier than the previous two. Praise God! Only one more round and then her radiation (she's currently undecided about doing the radiation step, so please pray for wisdom on this issue).
I have another birthday on Monday - wow the years fly by faster and faster with each one! Then on Tuesday morning I have a live radio interview (via telephone) that airs at 9:05 am EST on WBCL Radio out of Fort Wayne, Indiana . Because I'm west coast, this means I have to interview at 6am (and I'm not a morning person), so please pray that I can be awake enough for clear thinking and answering and that God will use my words to His glory to meet hurting hearts.
I heard from Shelly that this round of chemo was much easier than the previous two. Praise God! Only one more round and then her radiation (she's currently undecided about doing the radiation step, so please pray for wisdom on this issue).
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Shelly's Update
I've been sharing Shelly's story and asking for your prayers. For those who want to follow along with me, here is a direct link to Shelly's blog.
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